I Wish You A Merry Christmas

How was your Christmas?. Mine was ok, somehow a bit beyond average, but ok. Spent Christmas Eve here at home. I didn't take much pictures though cause I felt really sick from my allergies. Just went to misa de galeo, watched Shrek 3 on dvd, opened gifts and called it a night. haha

The next day we went to my auntie and uncle's place for lunch with my dad's side. We kinda went crazy with the continuous shots.

Then later for dinner we went over to my mom's aunt's place(ya get it?) for dinner with my mother's side of the family. The one thing I like about going to their place is that I get to play with my little cousin Tonito. He's a cute kid with lots of energy. He kinda makes me feel old but young at the same time. haha

Then later that night since the adults saw me bring my DSLR cam they wanted a group picture and let me tell you that we haven't had a group picture in years. Our last group pictre was when I think I was either 5 or 6 years old and I'm 18 now so yeah, it's been a really long time. Even though we weren't really complete at least we were a family.


*Still trying to look for our old family photo and we're waaaay more than this. haha

My Weekend

Wooh. I finally got to go out yesterday after about 14 days. haha. Well ok being the weight conscious girl I was I checked my weight yesterday morning. And well I lost 3 more lbs. haha. Which I wonder why because I was stuck here at home eating and sleeping.

Anyway when I woke up my mom and dad surprised me by telling me that I could go out with them to the mall since my sores were already closed up. I was seriously excited. haha. I was the type of girl that would practically go out every week. Well due to my excitement I left my money which I was supposed to use to buy Christmas gifts. Err. haha. Well after shopping for a few stuff with my mom, we met up with my dad.

We had shabu-shabu for lunch. Yum yum:). I kinda ate too much. haha. But I had yummy yogurt for dessert though:P

When I got home we got home my mom gave me my memory card back for my dslr and well I got bored and started taking photos.

My family and I had steak for dinner. HAHAH. Did I make you drool?. :P. Yes the day was filled with food.

Anyway today my family and I went to mass and I saw one of my ultimate crushes. One of Cory Aquino's grandson's and no it wasn't baby James. haha. It was Kiko. One of Balsy Aquino's kids. My day was already fulfilled when I saw him. Oh he's so cute in a nerdy way:">

Then my sister and I spent the whole day at home. Oh yeah and we had pizza for dinner. I only had one piece though cause I ate a danish for merienda. Me so happy this weekend:D

Spin Me Around

Have any of you guys seen the movie Easy A?. Well my friends and I watched it on DVD over at Tricia's place I think 3 weeks ago.

I loved the movie. It stars Emma Stone and it's all about her being a social outcast all cause people think she was a whore. I can relate with the whole whore part with how rumors can get totally twisted.

Most people really don't know how bad it feels to be judged by rumors, without actually getting to know a person. No one likes to be judged, well we can't really sway away from that but we face it every day whether we like it or not. And having rumors spread about you that are completely false don't exactly brighten up your day. I will admit that I have been talked about by other people in high school and it wasn't even in my school, it was in another school. You can't really stop those things from spreading, sometimes you only find out about rumors about you when someone is actually brave enough to ask you the truth. Which I will say doesn't happen often. There are always sides to every story. And no matter what angle you look at it people are still going to judge. As they say "Everyone's a critic". I've tried to change my reputation to some people who think they know me but I'm still wronged. I've learned somehow that even if you try to tell the truth some people just won't listen. Somehow I just deal with it because I know my family and friends know the truth which is what matters most. It was hard to understand why rumors were going on but hey I'm tired of trying to make people's minds change. After all you can't please everyone.

Anyway I also loved the soundtrack. I've tried for weeks to find the soundtrack. Finally found it this afternoon. Try searching for Life Gives Me Lemons Make Lemonade by The Boy Least Likely To. Fun song. Cheers you up on a down day. Just listened to it and it makes me smile:)

P.S. Still can't go to school. I'm still contagious:|:)))

Like It's the End of the World

This year was the so called "debut year". Where practically almost everyone I know, including me have turned 18. The big 1 8. The year of being legal. Wherein you can actually get arrested for the shit that you do. haha.

I've been invited to ALOT of parties this year and I went to most of them. One of them was even an out of the blue invite, surprised that I got invited myself. Of course coming from an all girls school in high school you'd kind of expect that. And this is also probably the year that I abused alcohol the most. I haven't drank so much. haha. Maybe this is why I need to get a grip when it comes to alcohol.

Anyway I've had my fair share of parties. Which is probably why I will actually miss the hype of getting all dolled up, looking for that perfect dress to wear and to even actually search for transpo to get to the event. I also lost a lot of money this year. Having to constantly search for gifts almost week after week. And to even experience going from one debut to another is totally nerve wracking but a delight cause you remember that you love these people. haha.

I didn't really have a fancy debut cause I didn't need one. I just treated booze and food to my friends and family, I felt that was enough. Then somehow, your birthday is actually a day that you should enjoy yourself with your loved ones.

Turning 18 is kind of a big step. People make me feel all responsible now. It kinda sucks but hey, isn't this what most of us have been asking for ever since we were kids?. To be treated like a grown up. Responsibility is heavy. Most especially given the fact that you can get arrested now. I mean you can do shit and all that just don't get caught. HAHA.

Anyway here's to the year that was.

A year full of surprises that are actually worth remembering.

We are off to another adventure. I'll be turning 19 next year(duuuh). Let's see what'll happen then.

Ugh Love

I think love is stupid. I haven't really been in love with anyone of the opposite sex. Well I have, but I think it was puppy love, it was waaaaay back in high school pa. I was cheated on, of course the break up was mutual. Enough of that, I mean I've seen so many people around me getting hurt and shit. I've been hurt myself.

Love makes you do stupid things. It's unpredictable, a constant nuisance and it blurs out all other entities. I'm not bitter or anything, it's just that, is loving another person romantically really necessary?. Is romance what keeps us going?. I mean we can live life with just our friends and family but I guess some people never really find that enough.

Well who am I to say how important romance is. Maybe I could have a boyfriend next year or in a few days. I never know really. Is that the beauty of love?. It's unpredictability?

I'm no expert on love, I've had a few flings here and there but maybe that's just what's got me all worked up. People these days love for all the wrong reasons. I mean I know that the feeling of being loved is absolutely incomparable to any feeling in this world. But now through seeing other peoples relationships I just see that most people love to know how it feels, to test out the waters. They don't actually love, they just love for the sake of it.

I may sound bitter but who cares. This is my blog I'll write whatever I feel like writing.

Maybe my view on romance may change. Maybe not. But until that day comes I will continue to despise it. I guess I just really don't like the thought of fake love. It hurts too much.

Irked

It's been 4 days since I've gone to school. I feel really itchy. Fvck. MUST RESIST. haha

Thank God it's a Friday so I won't really have to miss so much more. I've preoccupied myself with things. I watched the first Harry Potter movie, on DVD of course. Then I started to study on my other notes. And I read the book my friend Joni gave to me on my birthday. It's been about 4 months since my birthday and only last night did I decide to read the book my friend gave me. LOL

The book is Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. I actually indirectly asked my friend for this book. My other friends told me that Eleven Minutes was really good. So I decided to put it on my wishlist for my birthday. Anyway the book is really nice and I kinda have to take a break from reading it. It's basically about a Brazilian prostitute, got you thinking didn't I?. haha

So I haven't really been eating with ease either. On Monday I started getting some pox in my mouth. The one on the roof of my mouth hurts alot. I can't eat much so I've reduced myself my soft foods. Mainly ice cream and soup. I eat chips every now and then but it just hurts a lot. Err. I can't even eat well.

Well the spots are slowly fading. If this continues I might get to go to school by Wednesday. HOPEFULLY.

What the Pox?!

Today I found out that I've got chickenpox. Greeeaaaatt. I'm about to miss the last 2 weeks of classes for this year. Whoopde-doo. Notice my enthusiasm, which is dabbed with complete sarcasm by the way.

When I woke up last Sunday I had a nightmare that I was crying cause I missed alot of my classes. Never thought it would actually come true. Being absent in college sucks. In college it's every man or in my case every woman for herself. And to add to that I'm an irregular cause I shifter courses, so I don't have a permanent section. I mean I have friends in almost all my classes except Bio and English. Don't get me wrong I mean the sections I'm taking those classes in are friendly but I haven't really quite gotten any friends there that would help me if I missed any classes. And then I also have this subject which is Rizal course, my professor there used to by professor in Asian Civ last semester, with him you get an incentive in your grade if you come to his class every meeting. I got an incentive last semester, so much for an incentive this semester. Oh yeah and we also have this quiz for RC next Monday, still figuring out how I'm going to get to take that quiz.

Anyway, last Sunday morning I woke up with these bloches all over my face, I thought they were just pimples, but then they started spreading all over my body. So I went to a nearby clinic and I feared that it was chickenpox, but the doctor told me it wasn't. He told me it was just some skin allergies. Then he told me I could go to school the next day. So I did. My friend put her arm around mine. Uh-oh. I hope she's up to date with her shots or that she's already had chickenpox.

I doubted the doctor's diagnosis, so I decided not to go to school today and have another check up. When I woke up this morning I felt worse, my head started to ache, I got a sore throat, the bloches started looking even gross and I started getting one of the roof of my mouth. Looks like the medications the 1st doctor gave me aren't working. My mom went out on a business trip so I practically begged my dad to take me to the hospital, I was supposed to go alone but I hated people staring at me ever since that accident I had in the 2nd grade, when people stare at me I can't help but feel all worried. Well my dad is really busy so him taking me to the hospital really helped me alot. When we got to the dermatologist she was with another patient, so she let us sit down and wait for about 5-10 mins. She was this old lady but very nice and heavily adorned with jewelry that I'm sure would've cost more than tuition fee. haha. Anyway she asked what my problem was and she took one look at me and told me it was chickenpox. She was pretty flabbergasted that the 1st doctor never thought it was chickenpox when the way I appeared you could easily tell I had chicken pox. She told me I couldn't go to school for 2 weeks ans she wrote me and excuse note. I was tearing up in her office cause I couldn't miss 2 weeks os school, but I had no choice, I couldn't infect other people with what I had.

As my dad and I went home he told me he would talk to my college's dean and see what he could do about my situation. My dad called UST and they asked him to write a letter and attach the doctor's certificate to it. See that's how much my dad loves me, he drove all the way from here to UST just for me. And let me tell you that I leave really far away from UST, like an hour away if you drive it. I hope my professors would really be considerate and send me assignments or something. It is after all the Christmas season. Ho-ho-ho

Well this is it for me, I figured that I shouldn't be moping around cause it won't get me anywhere. I'm still praying that my professors won't condemn me for being absent for the last 2 weeks of school for the year. haha. Well here is a smile from me to you.

I plan to have a Harry Potter marathon tomorrow if I'm feeling better. haha. I have nothing else to do. After all my mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me to not feel stressed. I CAN GET OVER THIS!:)

Bitchy Mood

I'm not really into the mood to talk to anyone, as in opening my mouth and actually saying things. I feel depressed. I don't want to listen to alot of people now. Every time someone opens their mouth I just wish they would shut up. I know, I'm not exactly little miss sunshine today. I don't plan to elaborate on why i feel this way. Just understand that I do.

People here try to cheer me up but it doesn't work. I get all tense and teary eyed. Weird right?. Maybe the feeling I have right now is much more deeper. Maybe it's coming from somewhere I never thought even existed.

I won't be going to school tomorrow. I'll be missing alot. I hope they don't do much tomorrow so I won't miss alot of activities.

Social Justice

Our Theo professor asked us to make a reaction/realization paper regarding what we learned in our previous topic which was "Social Justice". Kinda weird but I first typed it here, I guess words flow more naturally for me here when I blog. So here goes my essay:

Social justice. Justice in general is something that we all seek. Whether it be for others or for ourselves. Everyday we see different people in different places, we all want the same thing, CHANGE. Being able to have the actual power to make that chance is a pretty big responsibility that alot are given but very few actually take advantage of that. I, try to do my part as best as I can. I save up, donate some of my savings to a charity and feel like, "There I've done my part somehow." But still seeing the mess reminds of how screwed up life is and how much attention it actually needs.

Being able to discuss the importance of social justice in theology further enlightens us on how much work we need to put into to save our world. I already got to watch the film by Joey Velasco (may he R.I.P) when I was around 4th year high school and getting to watch the film reminds you of how lucky you actually are to have objects in your life that most of the time you incessantly whine about. You slowly realize that you're a part of something bigger than yourself. We were all made in this world for a special purpose or maybe even special purposes, to atleast fulfill part of those purposes as to help those who actually need it. I mean who are we to complain about not eating at the right time or not getting the gadget we wanted for our birthday, when someone out there would feel lucky enough to get 2 cans of sardines on their dining table which they feel is enough to feed their family. I know that I complain alot, I'm not perfect and neither is the world. But I will help make a difference in this world because I know I can.

Painting above is by Joey Velasco I believe it's entitled "Hapag ng Pag-asa". Sorry but correct me if I'm wrong.

Random Thought

We've all got problems. When I was a kid I thought it was ok to just run away from them. Thinking that they won't bother, so I just let other people deal with it. Mostly those other people are my parents. But as you grow up sometimes people forget to tell you you have to deal with most things yourself and you figure that out all by yourself too.

Now, problems to me are complicated. Too hazy to even comprehend. Problems are everywhere. Every morning we see them, in the news, in magazines, at school, at work etc. They're inescapable. Solve one problem something else comes up.

I'm not trying to be a bitch here and be all pessimistic. I'm just being realistic and saying what I see right now in this world. I know for sure that this isn't the alcohol talking because I'm not drunk and the amount of vodka I drank a few moments ago won't equal to that of me doing and saying crazy things.

Anyway, don't get me wrong, I love life. But sometimes when you actually think about life at this time things just come in retrospect. You contemplate more and you think of things you've never even thought of before. Life has both positive and negative effects. We still need to keep on mind that everyday is a gift and that every moment may be sign for us to just think and reflect about where we are now.

Happy Birthday tito Babit:)

Today's my godfather/ninong's birthday, well okay here in the Philippines it was yesterday and in LA where my ninong is his birthday i think was yesterday. Ok enough of the time zone thing. I didn't get to make a blogpost yesterday cause I was really sick and and I couldn't think well.

So here it is, my uncle basically became my uncle cause he's my dad's brother. I only met him about December last year. Yes, only last year. My family and I visited him in the States and we stayed there for almost a month. I actually kind of got close to him. He was really cool and he doesn't really look like his age, i think he's almost 50, shhhh, don't tell. LOL.

Anyway my family here in the Philippines misses him. He's practically my idol when it comes to studies and he's pretty rad. I love every single one of my family members and I always wish for their happiness. Isn't it cool that I have a whole blog dedicated to him. IDK if he'll be able to read this though.

Happy birthday tito Babit. We love you so so much. We hope to go back there and visit you again in the states.

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MOTHERF*CKER

Excuse the title. I'm feeling rather angry today.

Today's my sister's birthday. I don't have a lot of homework. Just have a quiz to study for but it's an essay and I know I can write my way out of essays.

I've been feeling a bit angry and frustrated these past few weeks. Friends are supposed to be your stress reliever. Your part of actual peace in your life. I haven't really been feeling that vibe with my other friends. I'm not backstabbing or anything. It's just that I'm tired of this. I've been tired because of all this drama that I feel like most of us have been dragged into.

I'm not used to drama. There is drama in my life but I don't deal with it to this extent, most of the time I just either laugh it off or just not give a damn anymore. That's how I feel numb sometimes. Call me heartless but I'm just tired of this. Helping people who actually don't need it drains the energy out of you. Because it leaves you feeling disappointed and last night I just kept on texting swear words to my friend. That shows how angry I was.

I'm trying to be a good sport here and I try to keep playing the game. But isn't life a friggin team sport?. How can you play when the other members won't cooperate?

The other thing is, I'M FVCKING TIRED OF BEING CALLED A BOYFRIEND STEALER. My mom warned me about this. Being too close to guys who are already taken, I told her that their girlfriends know that I'm just a friend. And she told me to make sure of that.

I guess I was wrong on that part. This is probably the 4th time I've been thought of as a boyfriend stealer. I know my boundaries. I've been cheated on and I know that it isn't pretty. It hurts like hell, so why the heck would I try and steal other people's boyfriends when I know it won't do any good to me. I swear that I lay my line between friendship and romance and I sure as hell make sure that I don't cross it. Right now to be honest I feel offended and it makes me look a slut.

Maybe these girls don't realize it but they feel like they're the only one's being hurt. I'm hurt even more. I have feelings too. I've gone through a rocky relationship and somehow that's taught me something. These girls should realize that I've gone through enough to know what I should and shouldn't do and stop feeling to fvcking insecure. I swear I just want the whole world to...

We'll be going to Sn'R later. I'll be expecting a huge slice of pizza when I get there. That'll be one source of relief for today.

Urgh....

I get sudden hits of depression sometimes. I know, weird. I just get all fvcking sad and get all emo. It's not like I'm bipolar or anything. It's just that my mood swings are pretty freaky. I think I'm depressed now cause tomorrow's a Thursday. I don't know anyone from my Thursday classes.

AS IN 0. ZILCH

People keep on staring at me. It's awkward. I hate people staring at me. Especially if I don't know them. I know that my look doesn't really give of "Ms. Friendly". Even my good friends say that their first impression of me was stand-offish. For short I kinda look like a bitch. Which I admit doesn't really win over alot of friends at first. Which is why some people seek my friends opinions on who I really am. I'm one of the nicest and friendliest people that you will ever meet. I swear. I guess I give off a tough exterior cause of the pain I've felt my whole life.

I MUST REMIND MYSELF TO....

People say I have a really nice smile. I smile alot. But only when I'm with my friends and family.But nonetheless, I must stay positive!. Must continue to be optimistic!. Must not let these things get in the way. Must read my assignment for tomorrow's bio class!

Ooh College..

The 1st week of classes was crazy and stressful. In my MWF classes I know at least 3 people in each of my classes. But when it came to my TTh classes I only knew like 2 people and that's only in one class. It's hard to feel lonely when you're in a room with a bunch of people who know each other. And with my Journalism lanyard I stick out like a sore thumb all cause I only have one class in a Journalism section. I vow to make friends in my TTh classes so that I wouldn't feel awkward this whole semester.

Assignments for the weekend: My RC(Rizal Course) professor gave us some books to read on for the weekend. Tried searching for them in the library after my class last Friday, no luck. Someone must've checked them out. I decided to try and look for them at National Bookstore, though I'd but them instead. Only found one of the books. Still reading it, page 1-20. Pretty interesting book, but I find it long and winding.

Then we have this assignment for Computer class. Search for some abbreviated words.

I'm already on my 2nd year of college and I, like all people are having a hard time. This is only my 1st week and I feel so stressed out. The sched I made would slowly kill me. No breaks on MWF. Though I made a 3 hr break for myself in my TTh sched. Hoping that everything would work out alright this semester.

Good thing I'll get to see my high school friends tomorrow. I'm sure that'll cheer me up:)

Newswriting Here I Come

I've been stressing over my major subject for 2 friggin weeks now. It's a pre requisite of all our other major subjects. The thing is the hardest subjects to actually get are the 1st year ones. They don't give out the 1st year subjects until like the last minute when classes actually friggin' start.

The full load is 24 units composed of 8 subjects. 2 weeks ago was the encoding of subjects for irregulars. Since I had no choice I had 2nd year subjects encoded. But I left out one space for my major, praying and hoping that I would get it if God let me. A lot of us needed that major subject badly. We kept on being persistent little creeps, but still they kept on telling us to leave our names in the list. The friggin list doesn't do anything. They either lose it or just don't mind it at all.

So this Monday was our enrollment, tried seeing if we could get the 1st year subjects already. They said we should wait tomorrow. I already enrolled and just said that I'd add the subject I needed next time. Tuesday came, still nothing, on Wednesday pa daw. The day when classes start. Dandy right?.

I prayed so hard last night. I even told myself stuff like, "I will get that slot. I will get into Newswriting." So I came to the dean's office at 7 in the morning. Waited for about 30 mins til they asked us to go downstairs for encoding again of subjects.

I was told that only special subjects were offered for encoding. And my major wasn't one of them. Still I was persistent. I listed my major subject in the form, my friend saw it and told me that it wasn't offered. I said I would still try no matter what. That's how bad I needed and wanted that slot.

And thank God my persistence paid of, I GOT THE MAJOR SUBJECT. Which is Newswriting. And can I say "PHEW". Well I missed my first subject this morning just to enroll for my major subject but at least it was for a good cause.

Thank you Lord and I swear I will really try to rock this semester. My grades last sem were high. But I really want to go for all 1 this time:)

I Am Everyday People

After so many months I've only watched the indie movie the runaways this afternoon. I loved it actually. I'm very into indie movies. Most especially the fact that it's about rock legends the Runaways.

I enjoyed watching the movie and it made me miss just basically leaning back and rocking to a good old classic album. So I decided to download the album "Fit To Be Tied". I've been listening to it for 3 hours now. I feel refreshed, empowered and I feel like myself.

Somehow there's this sense in me that says that I lost myself or just basically I lost some of my personality. Listening to this album actually made me relax and let go. Maybe if you listen to it you'd feel so out of your wits cause of how loud it is. I'm inspired to write songs again, it's been about a year since I've written my last song. And I wrote my last song cause I was asked to and cause I was paid for it.

I miss that feeling of inspiration to write things on the spot. To just have a line constantly run through your mind, waiting for that zing of ideas. I'm a writer and an artist. This is what I live for. I thought I lost that spirit. But I know now it's coming back. Slowly but at least it's coming back.

Thank you Joan Jett and thank you music. You inspired me.

Complicated

Humans.

Among all the living species in this earth, I believe that they are the hardest to live with and the hardest kind to figure out. We may say that science would help us figure humans out but that isn't enough. I can't really identify who people are or what they really want. Figuring out who they are. People are too spontaneous. The baggage that comes with them fails to inform us of how heavy the load they carry or if they carry any load at all.

We practically spend a lifetime either trying to live with them or just being fed up with them and we just suddenly die. No one has a definite answer to who they are. Maybe that's why in relationship stat's in social networks there's a "IT'S COMPLICATED" button to choose from.

Isn't that the best definition for who are "COMPLICATED". Always have been. Always will be. I know that humans are special. But what makes them special?. Is it their bipolar ways?. Their constant love of all things lively?. The range of differences that complete them?. Or maybe there really is something inside of them that makes them so special.

Drastic..

I chopped my hair off yesterday. I went from this...

To this...

I decided to chop off my hair to this length all because I hated:

1. the hassle of sleeping at night with my hair going to my neck and face

2. the heat in UST is absolutely horrendous

3. because my hair is thick the heat really does get me

4. blowdrying in the morning takes me about 20 minutes.

5. constantly having to make sure that my hair looks ok

6. just having to think about what hairstyle i wanted for that day

7. sometimes to forget my hair scrunchy and have to fan myself the whole day, i end up with my hair going all over the place.

Those may look like really simple reasons but I've also been wanting to cut my hair off this short for a long time. I guess I just wanted to wait for the right time to get this kind of haircut.

I Feel So Different

I miss writing. I miss being able to express myself through writing without restrain.

I feel like I've lost that sense of freedom in me ever since I got into college. Why?. I don't know. Maybe I was too driven towards the path of the fine arts that I forgot what I actually loved to do. Which was writing. I looked at my blogs in multiply, I wrote a lot there when I was in high school, that was my therapy. And plus, if I had a story to tell my hands would itch if I didn't post a blog about it.

I don't know why now in college when I feel like I have so much more to say, that's when I just stop typing my stories, I just stopped telling my thoughts. I feel like I lost part of me through that.

I don't know if you could consider that as writers block, but I do. It's been years since I wrote a blog that would be as deep as those which I would write in high school. I now question whether I have changed or not. I don't know what's going on.

I have thoughts in my head but I don't know how to express them anymore. I feel so stuck in this rift. I've been stuck in it for a year and a half now.

I've been constantly trying to get out of the rift. I can't seem to do that. I want to write more.

Sometimes it makes me depressed, not being able to write what I really want to. I mean there are times when I would just start typing here on my blog and then, I just stop, it's like I lose all excitement in telling my story. As of now I blog at most is once a month, I used to blog every week. What's going on with me?

I feel so different.

2 Debuts in One Night

You read it right, I have actually experienced going to two debuts in one night.

It's very stressful to have to constantly calculate time and worry whether you're gonna make it one time or not.

The first debut I went to was one of my best friends in the whole world, Luisa Estanislao

Eastlaw(http://luisaeastlaw.blogspot.com/). Her part was held in Jade Valley over the Timog area. She asked me, Tricia Ildefenso and Joanna Fernandez to emcee for her but Joanna/Popoy didn't push through with the emcee bit, so Tricia and I were left. The group that I ate with, which was mostly composed of boys, attacked the food with in 20 mins. Gee, Lulu's money was

sure worth it on our table. LOL. Well Trish and I hosted as best as we could. haha. I was also part of the 18 candles. Well after the program and photo opts with Lulu, I left with Tricia and Angelica Marcelino for Frances' Debut.

Rode in our car then went to EDSA Shang for Frances' party. We got there in just maybe 15-20 mins. Thank God there was no traffic.

When we got there I texted Pauline to tell her that we had just arrived, she replied that we were

going to speak in a few na. We all panicked, I led Trish and Angge to the wrong floor so we ran and asked a receptionist. I couldn't take the pain in my feet anymore, I took off my heels and ran to the function room of Frances party. We got there just in time. We were sort off sweating and taking in deep breaths but what was important was that we got there in time. After 5 mins I was one of the 18 roses and I kinda did a sabaw dance with Frances then I was also part of the 18 specials. After the program we ate a bit more and we had a mini photoshoot:)

I love these 2 girls and that's how special they are to me. They are 2 of the fliest chicks that I hang out with. I tried to make it to both of their debuts and thank God I did. I love you Luisa and Frances. Again happy birthday:)

Hold Up, This Ain't Right

My morning was filled with OMG and WTF moments.

While I was on the jeep on my way to school, seated in front of me was a guy. Probably in his early 40's and the girl seated beside me studies in Trinity. Probably half way the trip I noticed that the Trinity girl kept on looking outside. I found it weird. Anyway I was doing what I usually do on any other commuting trip. I was minding my own business, listening to my iPod. Then the guy I was telling you earlier, started widening his legs. You know, sitting the way guys usually do since their side was getting roomier. As he was widening his legs, I noticed that he wasn't wearing a brief or boxer shorts. Dear God, I saw one of his balls and I immediately looked away in disgust. Then I figured maybe the girl from Trinity saw it earlier and that's why started looking outside. I think the guy got a hint that me and the girl from Trinity saw his, urgh-you know, he started closing his legs, and at one I noticed his legs shaking, he probably couldn't stand closing his legs. After seeing that shiz I was happy to get to my destination which was UST.

I can't believe that some old guy would that kind of bull shit off. It's disgusting.

Then as I was on my way home after class, I rode the LRT as I was expecting traffic and I wanted to get home ASAP. Luckily the LRT was roomier the time I got rode it so I got a seat. I blasted my iPod's volume and started texting some of my friends about my traumatizing experince earlier. There was this guy who rode on the station after I got on. He remained standing, ignoring the empty space in the seat right across mine. Then as the LRT was moving he started walking across the LRT compartment we were in. I thought he was going to find a more roomy compartment but he just came back where he was, which was standing in front me. After a few more rounds of walking across the same LRT compartment, people started noticing his oddness and the were looking at him. I again opted to not care and wait til my stop comes. But then, this guy started dancing. And it wasn't the vibe of random dancing that I always get from my buddy Jonah(who is a great dancer btw), I got the OMFG-WTH-is-this-guy-doing-he's-creeping-the-fuck-out-of-me vibe. I felt like that was the longest LRT ride I had ever gone on.

The morning has been effing crazy. I'm going out with my family later to GH, what kind of effing wonders shall I encounter later?

The Wait Is Over

Finally after so many months of waiting I actually got my.....

*drum roll*

CANON 450D!!

Woot! woot!. I was actually aiming for the canon 550d, but it was too pricey for my aunt and uncle. So I settled for the 450d. And I think that it's awesome!. I just got it delivered yesterday from one of the store's in Hidalgo. I immediately took shots when I got it on my hands. The camera is a bday gift from my dad's sister and brother. BTW, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!

I seriously can't express how happy I truly feel about getting this camera. I feel so lucky to be given the chance to actually own this kind of camera. I'm still getting used to adjusting some of the settings since the camera's I borrow are usually Nikon branded. But I really love the quality of the photos I took with it.

I plan to upload soon on my flckr account once I have time. Tah-tah. I have a math quiz to study for. Wish me luck!. Til my next blog:)

Not All Filipinos Are Like Mendoza

It's been 2 days since the Quirino grandstand hostage taking and the Filipino's in general have been apologizing to the world, mostly to HK for practically every offensive action we could possibly do.

Monday evening everyone watched with anticipation the intense hostage taking. We were all fearing for the victim's lives and we all prayed while watching for their safety. Every Filipino constantly commented on the S.W.A.T teams slow actions, the president's absence during the whole standoff and that it seemed that Mendoza had the ball in his court.

In the end 8 died, 7 remain injured. It was truly a sad loss not only for the people of HK but also for the people in this country. Even though we don't have any part in the hostage taking we all are sincerely sorry for the loss of many lives. No one could have ever seen this coming. At present the national security is being questioned and even the seriousness on the situation is being talked about.

Today was a national day of mourning for the souls lost in the terrible incident. We all prayed for their souls and we continue to look up to God and ask what will happen in the next few moments from now on.

I find it unfair that we are being blamed for one man's unfortunate actions. But I am also embarrassed that we are being put under fire for recent photo's of policemen and student's surfacing of turning the bus into a tourist spot. They're adding even more shame to our now badly earned reputation. It was on Monday that we all knew that the world would look at the Philippines in a new perspective. CNN is even rubbing it in our faces, I actually used to watch CNN alot, but now they make us all look like terrorists and they add fear to the people of other countries. It's offensive to try to watch the international news and have constant negative comments being said about your homeland.

Even with all the embarrassment I am still proud to call myself a Filipino. You shouldn't say anything about another country or another nationality unless you've actually been in that country for a reasonable amount of time. All that I'm saying is, people around the world shouldn't be quick to judge Filipino's. Every culture is different. I know that innocent foreigner's had gotten hurt and now the government is looking at this as a very sad lesson for all of us.

We don't deserve the title for the worst country, no country does for that matter. Because in every country there are at least a huge amount of people who work hard to not only make themselves proud but to also make their country proud. There are still those people who make us proud to wear the title FILIPINO.

Receiving Both Grief and Joy

Have you ever felt the confused on how you were supposed to feel at a specific moment?

Well I'm feeling that right now. My mom just gave me some letters that came in the mail. And she immediately said "Don't cry.". I knew right away that it was probably a card from my uncle Ding's family. If you read my previous post you would know that my uncle passed away around 2 weeks ago. The thank you card read that they thanked us for our comfort and support during their trying times. Enclosed was 2 pictures of my uncle. I will admit that it was heartbreaking and it really made me stop from finishing my report.

Next I noticed that there was an even bigger envelope and it was in gold. I looked at the back and saw my Aunt's initials. I remembered that she was going to get married next month. She's the daughter of my grandfather's brother, you get it?. haha. Anyway we also lived with their family almost half of our stay there in America. My auntie Melissa is inviting us to her wedding on September. Obviously we can't go but it was a very nice gesture for them to decide to send us an invitation.

Right now I feel confused on how I should feel. Receiving both happiness and grief at the same time is pretty hard to deal with.

Dealing With The Inevitable

Nothing but shock and sadness enveloped my family and I last night when we received such awful news. My ninang(daddy's sister) who's Pampangga for a business trip, called last night looking for my dad and mom. I answered the phone and told her that they weren't here yet. And at the same my sister also answered the phone.

Then my ninang told us that she had some sad news to tell us, I asked what it was and she said that my uncle Ding had died. My sister and I had stunned reactions. I asked how

he died she said that it was cause of a car accident. Right after that phone call I cried cause of shock and I told my sister that he didn't deserve to die, because he really is such a good man.

Tito Ding is my dad's cousin who lives in the States. I just saw him around January because my family and I spent the holidays in the States. When we were in San Francisco, tito Ding welcomed me and my family and my dad's friends in his home. He was never selfish and he was always in a giving mood. Constantly wearing a smile on his face. Even for just those 2weeks of spending time with him I kind of knew what kind of person he was.

I was still crying before I went to sleep and I prayed for his soul and asked the Lord why did it happen to such a good person?. I guess I'll find out the answer after a long time. When I woke up this morning I spoke with my parents and they told me more about the accident. It was Tuesday, my uncle was driving back to Tracy from the 4th of July weekend. When suddenly this car was I think driving in the wrong lane and their cars collided. The other person in the other car was easily identified and it took days to ID my uncle.

He'll be buried I think next Saturday. Please pray for my uncle Edgardo "Ding" Lagunzad's soul. May eternal rest grant unto him o Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace.

We love you tito Ding. I hope that you're happy up there:)

I Love You Maxie

This is our dog Maxie, she's a chow chow. We've had her since I was in the 5th grade. Ever since she was a puppy I would take care of her. That's how much I love her.

But she isn't my first dog. My first dog was actually an askal or in english a street dog. I named her Ponggo because I loved the movie 101 Dalmatians. Whenever I would hang out outside I would pet him. But then after a few years or so she had to be out to sleep because she was really sick.

We went through around 3 or4 dogs until we got Maxie. My ninang Rosette bought her at a pet store stall in one of the supermarkets here in Metro Manila. It was actually a "on-the-spot" decision. haha. So after 6 years Maxie has gotten problems with her kidney and after 2 days in the hospital she's going to have to be put to sleep to stop the pain.

I cried when my ninang told me that. I will really really really miss her.

WTF

What makes us a stronger person?

For me, what makes me a stronger is just to be able to understand and have enough patience. I guess started with this topic because my cousin, who I have really known my whole life is really driving me insane.

Get ready for my rants in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....

He's really obnoxious and sometimes just really rude. He was like this when we were kids, he practically drowned me when we were little. His boastfulness receded probably when we were in high school. And now I just can't stand him. He's practically back to his old ways.

We often get into debates and sometimes when he and I hang out I just don't talk to him that much because I don't want to get into another fight with him. I show him how uninterested I am in what he's talking about.

He tells me that his mind is more mature. So he thinks that starting arguments is really mature. Tss yeah right.

He knows I'm peeved at him and I know he tries to win me back by doing nice things. But then he kinda jerks off again. I just don't get him. Yes we're really close but sometimes it's to the point that I can't stand him.

And just because he's older he thinks that he can control me. Like when we talked about me voting, he said that I should vote for whoever he votes for. Tsssss

He keeps on talking to me how Aquino will ruin the Philippines and that it's no use to vote. Oh yeah, that coming from someone who actually sold his vote.

Yes, I'm upset with him. I just try to tell myself that he thinks he'll be a stronger person if he keeps on pushing people around.

I'm just trying to lengthen my patience even more.

Figuring It All Out

I am slowly becoming more and more insane by the day. I don't know. Maybe it's because I start to wrack my brain for answers now. And I'm actually trying to figure out things in life. Of course there won't always be an answer for everything.

Maybe I'm just trying to grow up. I seriously don't know the answer to my insanity.

I think it's cause I've lost myself. In my essay in MC for the entrance exam, there was one question that asked what is my greatest joy in life. I answered, to know who I am. To be honest, I have no idea why the hell I answered that. I guess I just didn't know what to answer which was why I put that in writing.

Truth be told I really don't know that much about myself. I'm still confused on tho I really am. I might be just one those people in the world who go on with their lives, soul searching. Trying to figure out who they are.

As of now I know very little about myself and just like everyone else i'm only sure about myself 80% of the time. I believe that the hardest person to figure out is yourself. You know that you've gone bonkers when you yourself can't even explain your own actions, because you yourself are responsible for all that.

Am I the only one who is soul searching in this earth?. No. I'm a teenager, those so called scientists would say that it's normal for an adolescent like me to go soul searching. But when an adult does it most people think that they're crazy.

I believe that soul searching chooses no one, no age, no limit. It's just a matter of how smart you are to actually figure out yourself.

For my case, I'll wait, I will be patient enough to just go on with my life. As I go on I will slowly learn more about who I am. I may not get the answers to my questions right now. But I'm sure I will get them in one way or another:)

Waiting In Vain?

It's enough that I worry about my grades, but know, I'm not even sure if I still have a school to go to for the next semester. You've heard me bitch around about how much I panic about not having a school. I bitch around cause it worries me. It worries the shit out of me.

I heard from my friend Bal that we would get to take the entrance exam at around the start of June, in my mind I said "Ohkayy now WTF?!". I'm panicking. Every effing day my fear gets worse. It's hard to cope with that. Not being able to know and having your educational fate sealed by someone you've only known for like a month doesn't leave a comfortable feeling.

Shifting is all a waiting game. That's what I've learned for now. Hopefully all that waiting will be worth it.

Alice In Wonderland Movie Review

Alice in Wonderland is one the most anticipated movies of this year. Come to think of it, it knocked of Avatar as one of the most top grossing 3D movies, in just a week or maybe even 3 days. Crazy right?

Well I was planning to watch it with my friends but while I was in Gateway this afternoon with my ninang Rosette and my little sister, they wanted to watch it. A real spur of the moment so to speak.

Well, even before today I started reading reviews of the meaning. They were mixed. Most were bad reviews. But, just because this had bad reviews doesn't mean I was discouraged to watch it. Well, Johny Depp in 3D, what kind of woman could resist that?. haha

Well while we were getting our popcorn and drinks I could see the very long line of people waiting to enter theater 5. Even still in it's 2nd week the movie never failed to pack in audiences.

(BTW I was soooooo psyched that Pacquiao won!. He must've raked in big bucks again for that fight. Congrats Manny\m/)

Anyway, as I was sitting down I noticed that I was just a seat apart from Frankie Mamaril, I can't believe she still remembers me. haha. Well, in my mind I was debating with myself-I just realized how retarded I sound-on whether to put on my glasses while watching the movie or just take them off cause I could see even without it. Then the movie started, I decided to watch it with my glasses, I blame it all on myself, I always over analyze. Then later in the movie I decided to take my glasses off cause I was starting to get uncomfortable, but then I couldn't see that well, so I put my glasses back on. They should create better 3D glasses for those wear glasses.

Back to the movie, I thought that the story was well thought. I think that the relationship between Alice and the Mad Hatter was misunderstood by audiences. Most of them thought that they were an item, I perceived them as having a best friend kind of relationship. Either way I just hoped that they went to the actual root of how the Mad Hatter had such a deep relationship with Alice.

I believe that it was much more nicer in the pocket to watch it in just a regular cinema. I didn't really get the feeling that it was 3D. It was almost like they said that it was 3D just to get audiences. So if you plan to watch it then I recommend you watch it in a regular cinema. That's just my opinion.

I had high expectations for this movie, since I loved the animated Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately this didn't really make the cut for me. I love this but not as much as I love the animated Alice in Wonderland:)

Those "Heart Attacks"

You know those times when you feel like you're having a heart attack when you worry about things that really matter to you. Well, I've been having that this whole month. It's because I'm stressing out about my shifting.

You see I'm not 100% sure that I'm a total shoe in for the course. I love writing and all. It's just that, this is college, everything is so uncertain. I laugh most of the time. I do it just to hide what I'm really feeling inside. I mask my fear.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my future will be uncertain. That all my hard work this 2nd sem will all be put to waste. I'm the kind of person that's all optimistic most of the time. But this time, when my chances are pretty bleak, I just lose all hope. I'm starting to see life as how most people see it. A much more cruel way of torture.

Why air my thoughts publicly?. I don't know. I just can't take it anymore. Keeping emotions bottled up inside you, is not a very good habit. I cry alot. Which hasn't happened to me in a long time. I just pray that all will go well.

I pray that I pass all my subjects. THAT INCLUDES PE. That a slot will be open for me. That the dean of the college of arts and letters accepts my desire to shift. That if he accepts, that I pass the entrance exam.

I know that I'm asking for a lot. It's just that I have these "heart attacks" usually when it comes to academics. I worry about this because my education means so much to me. And well frankly, this also is connected to my future. Which scares me.

The Yellow Symbol

I seriously should be doing my Filipino paper right now, but I swear I'll do it right after I finish this post.

Well, this morning as I was working out at the gym (yes!, I work out now!. yay for me. LOL), anyway, there's this tv there, and most of the time it's just kept on the ABS-CBN channel. Umagang Kay Ganda was on, since it was the celebration of People Power I today they did this segment on all the latest gadgets that were about Cory and Ninoy Aquino. To be honest I really do love what these couples did for our country. They fought for what they knew was right. Their intentions were pure and self-less. They kept the Filipino fighting spirit. May God bless their souls:)

Well, back to the show, well, they did this segment on those yellow cellphones, watches with Ninoy and Cory's faces on them, who knows, maybe soon they'll make a yellow ipod. I just think that these days the yellow symbol is practically like a fashion accessory instead of some symbol that you are proud to be a Filipino, it almost says "Hey, look at me, I can afford this stuff so that means I'm in'. You catch my drift?

I just think that most people buy this stuff cause they believe that it's the latest fashion accessory to hit the market. Or maybe buying it would make me look cool. I just think that the yellow symbol has somehow lost it's meaning. Look outside, you can see almost every car have a yellow ribbon sticker. Or maybe even go to a mall, there wouldn't be a time that you won't see someone wearing a "The Filipino Is Worth Dying For" shirt.

See, they've used our heroes as hot commodities to sell items that hopefully soon won't be out of style. That's just it, when we feel that something is in we buy it of the rack, but when it gets all old and so last season, we give it away as if never meant anything. This is what I think most Filipinos are following. We must see beyond that yellow symbol and find out the actual meaning of it. How it came to be, who it came from and most importantly is that yellow ribbons meaning really still alive?

I just hope that what Ninoy and Cory have been fighting for has not been completely lost. We all need to dig deep and know that we are Filipinos, we are people. People who are intelligent and those who have rights. We must never forget that.

We don't need those yellow symbols to show that we're Filipinos, we just need to unite and fight for what we know is right.

What is Love?

What is love?

According to wikipedia, which turned out as my first result when I searched it on google, well, love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.


Love for me, is this feeling that you have for someone, just any one, and you know that you can't resist that person and that no matter how irritated they may make you. Just like any word, love has many meanings to many people.


I suddenly brought this up in my blog, because well, valentine's day is coming and well it's February, the month of love as some would like to call it. This is also the month for everyone to go crazy over commercials about love, movies about love, heart shaped food and all that shit. I know I sound bitter, but there is seriously something about valentine's day that I hate.


I sound so, man hater-ish don't I?. Maybe I'm speaking out of love. Maybe I really am bitter. Bitter cause I haven't really found that guy that I'd love to love. I'm ready to go into a new relationship and start anew. Maybe sometimes I'm just now allowing myself to let go.


Enough about me, even though I've gone through a heartbreak, I still believe that love is a very beautiful thing, that may happen between anyone. I certainly believe in love. Of course it ind of irritates me when I suddenly see couples holding hands or just really being sweet. But it kind of reminds me, that love is still out there. As love-sick I may sound, I know and believe love really is one of those factors that keeps the world sane and well it just helps to make the world go round and round.

We're all not perfect beings. Which makes life both fair and unfair. But in this universe, someone or maybe even some people make us feel worthwhile. It could be a friend, a family member, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a pet even. Love is the sole factor that keeps us holding on to every inch of hope we have. And with love, we smile for joy:)

**Imma post a video of me singing a love song for valentine's day. I haven't decided on a song yet though:)

Well, Happy Valentine's.

Oh No..

Right now there are so many thoughts swirling in my head right now. I bet someone would drown in my brain. Well, anyway, I just remembered that Jet's (my best friend who I kinda diss) birthday is like coming up on the same day as the prom. I really was thinking of going to Jet's birthday this year to make up for all the BS I've done to him. Right up until I found out that Lulu, Trish and I had an arrangement that same night. Luisa says that we ca probably make it to his celebration since it's like in the same vicinity. I hope that his celebration goes on like longer than the prom. Oh well, bahala na si batman:|

Next, I don't have a friggin' dress to that prom, my mom wants me to wear the same dres that I wore during the ball, but I don't want to and even if I did, well, IT DOESN'T FIT ME. See I gained ALOT of fresman weight over the 1st sem and from our trip to the States. I've been hitting the gym lately and so far nothing's working. I find it hard to stay on my old diet since now there like alot of food right outside my building. So it's either I try to lose weight even more or I buy a new dress. I really might buy a new dress at greenhills since it's cheaper. My mom is just so hard to convince, it's almost like she blocks me on what I'm saying. I don't even think that she understands half of what I'm saying.

Oh life. It really is unfair.

BAD DAY

"Because you had a bad day..."

Today seriously sucked, so many things made this day currently the worst day ever.

1. I got to UST so friggin early. Like an hour before my class early or 30 mins. earlier than I usually arrive. I waited for Chriselle for about an hour.

2. I found out that I flunked my prelim exam in Logic. FUCK. I seriously worked my ass off studying. I failed by merely 3 points. I really need to step up my game if I want to get into Journalism next year. I will really do better in the finals.

3. My cellphone got broken. AGAIN. THIS IS THE 3RD or 4TH TIME. I am really really frustrated. I just had it fixed last November, and this time to avoid it getting a virus, I didn't download any songs, didn't drop it and I always handled it with care. Then today it suddenly goes all berzerk on me. I'll have it fixed again and if it breaks again, I swear I will really buy a new phone. Motorola, and this time I won't let it get stolen.

4. Right after watching "Paano Pa Kaya?" with Selle(which btw I still can't believe that I watched it, but nakakakilig nga naman yung movie. LOL. and I also got to spend time with Selle), my favourite necklace broke, the one that I bought from Romblon when I was about 3rd year HS. It's a heart shaped pendant made out of marble. I fell in love with it when I saw it.I got really heart broken when I felt it fall apart in my neck and lucky enough that I caught it with my hand.

I am really not that happy with today. But tomorrow is another day, another day to start anew. My problems are so petty when you compare it to others. I'm happy enough to be given the chance to keep on trying.

This day will really get better if I have a double cheese pepperoni pizza and some ice cream after that. Way to stay focused on your diet Patricia. HAHA

New Year:New Me?

Happy new year to everyone!

New year resolutions are back in order, I make resolutions every year. There are so very few that I actually fulfill. What can I say?, I'm human. Here is a list of all the things I hope to fulfill this 2010:

1. I should really get back to my diet and exercise routine. The one I had when I was in my senior year of high school. I seriously lost like 5 pounds in a week.

2. Stop my vices. There are some people vices people know, some no one knows.:>

3. I will seriously be much more practical this year. Money is tight these days.

4. Try to be a better person.

5. Study harder.

6. Be much more optimistic. I still have my emo days.

7. Re-learn how to play the guitar. To be honest I miss playing the guitar.

8. Actually push through my plans:))

9. Be honest when someone asks me a question.

10. LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

My actual goal is to fulfill atleast 5 of these. Goodluck with me. Oh yeah, BTW I'm planning to get a haircut. I've been meaning to get one ever since the start of the 2nd sem, I just can't take long hair. HAHA

Every Story Must Have An End

Just came from a 16 hour long plane ride from LA. Yes that's right, I came from the States after about 2 and a half weeks. The whole trip was fun while it lasted. We never really tried to waste time. haha.

Well my family and I went to the States not only for the sites and experience, but it was mainly for my uncle who lives there. You see, my dad has a brother and a sister. They all have steady and high paying jobs(I'm not boasting here). But, the difference is, my uncle lives waaay over there.

There's this circumstance that put he kind of put himself in, which is why he can't come to the Philippines. Ever since I was little girl I had been waiting for my uncle to come visit the Philippines. When my grandmother(my dad's mom) died, it was heart wrenching to think that my own uncle couldn't come to my grandmothers funeral.

We've been talking about going to the States ever since I could remember. We actually made that dream a reality. Which is pretty cool come to think of it. Anyway, so since my uncle couldn't come to the Philippines well then, we shall come to see him.

And I swear I have never met my uncle before. He calls at least once a month to check up on us here. There was always a voice behind the name and there were pictures but I really could not imagine putting the face and the voice together. It's hard to actually picture someone who you never really thought you'd ever get to see personally, or so I thought.

So when we arrived at the airport we met my uncle and gosh does he look young. I swear, if you would put me and him together we'd look like brother and sister. We bonded over the 2 weeks. Then I got to know my uncle more. He's a really cool and very makulit guy. I kind of got used to him being around. So him not being here right now is new to me.

He along with my lolo's borhter brought us to LAX for our flight back to Manila. Right after he helped with unloading our bags from the van. He hugged me and I could see him fighting back tears, then he hugged the rest of us and. Just the thought of the scene, makes me cry too. Then I thought, we have each other here in the Philippines, while he lives alone. I pray for my uncle everyday, that he will always be watched over by God.

Thank you tito Babbit. We love you and we miss you.:)