MOTHERF*CKER

Excuse the title. I'm feeling rather angry today.

Today's my sister's birthday. I don't have a lot of homework. Just have a quiz to study for but it's an essay and I know I can write my way out of essays.

I've been feeling a bit angry and frustrated these past few weeks. Friends are supposed to be your stress reliever. Your part of actual peace in your life. I haven't really been feeling that vibe with my other friends. I'm not backstabbing or anything. It's just that I'm tired of this. I've been tired because of all this drama that I feel like most of us have been dragged into.

I'm not used to drama. There is drama in my life but I don't deal with it to this extent, most of the time I just either laugh it off or just not give a damn anymore. That's how I feel numb sometimes. Call me heartless but I'm just tired of this. Helping people who actually don't need it drains the energy out of you. Because it leaves you feeling disappointed and last night I just kept on texting swear words to my friend. That shows how angry I was.

I'm trying to be a good sport here and I try to keep playing the game. But isn't life a friggin team sport?. How can you play when the other members won't cooperate?

The other thing is, I'M FVCKING TIRED OF BEING CALLED A BOYFRIEND STEALER. My mom warned me about this. Being too close to guys who are already taken, I told her that their girlfriends know that I'm just a friend. And she told me to make sure of that.

I guess I was wrong on that part. This is probably the 4th time I've been thought of as a boyfriend stealer. I know my boundaries. I've been cheated on and I know that it isn't pretty. It hurts like hell, so why the heck would I try and steal other people's boyfriends when I know it won't do any good to me. I swear that I lay my line between friendship and romance and I sure as hell make sure that I don't cross it. Right now to be honest I feel offended and it makes me look a slut.

Maybe these girls don't realize it but they feel like they're the only one's being hurt. I'm hurt even more. I have feelings too. I've gone through a rocky relationship and somehow that's taught me something. These girls should realize that I've gone through enough to know what I should and shouldn't do and stop feeling to fvcking insecure. I swear I just want the whole world to...

We'll be going to Sn'R later. I'll be expecting a huge slice of pizza when I get there. That'll be one source of relief for today.

First Impressions Last

I suddenly got all lethargic and remembered my memorable first impressions on some of my friends. And trust me, they're not really pretty. If you're here on this blog post then my first impression of you is that memorable to me. haha. Let me remind my friends that I love each and every one of them and that every word that I am about to type is done purely out of my love for you. I love you guys, please don't kill me:))



First off I have Luisa Luz Estanislao Eastlaw. I met her when we were about in the 3rd grade. I was asked by our adviser to switch seats with her seatmate. When I was a kid I often never cared about other people's names, not unless they became my classmates. Well, in the 3rd grade it was the 1st time that I ever became classmates with Lulu. When I became her seatmate, of course I had to remember her name, so in an effort to gain her trust, I talked to her. But then, little old me couldn't remember her name. So I noticed that almost all of Lulu's things had tags on them. So every time I wanted to call her I would look first at her things, then I'd talk to her. It probably took me a week to memorize her name. I thought of Luisa as very innocent. Oh timo Lulu, akala ko innocent ka. haha!. Then the rest was as they say, HISTORY.:)




Next off I have Micaela Bettina Profeta. She is one of my most beloved friends. I swear that I love her so so much. Well, I met Mica when we were in the 6th grade. We were made into seatmates. At the same time we were in the same group for school projects. When I found out that we were groupmates, I swear I got soooo pissed off, to be honest I didn't like Mica and I didn't know why. Well, at first actually Mica and I hated each other's guts. But when we became seatmates, well, everyone who knows us would know that Mica and I love to make kwento, as in ALOT, so we got to talk to each other then, we learned that we had soooo much in common. Then there. ILY and IMY Micaela!:)



Then there's Ma. Angelica Marcelino. I only knew that Angelica existed when we were in the 5th grade and she ran for student body president. Well, with me being a typical girl and being friends with her opponent Diana Pacapac. Well of course I was rooting for Diana, but Angelica won. So I didn't like her for that, yuck I was sooo immature back then. haha. Then when we became classmates in the 1st year of high school we started talking to each other more and we became really good friends. Even our moms are friends;))



Si Pauline May Isip. Haaay Pauline. When I got to know Pauline in grade school to be honest I thought she was weird. No offense Pauline. ILY naman eh. haha!. Kasi nung time na yun you like had an imaginary friend and we were in the 5th grade then so imaginary friends weren't exactly the most hip and happening thing to ever happen. haha. But then nung high school, when we became classmates and soon seatmates, I learned to like your weird personality. Dude you rock for that. You're never boring to hang around with. haha. And I could have gotten a bit of my craziness from you. Anyway ILY Pauline:))




Next is Eddduuuuuu, the boy I call mah Squishy:)). I first met him a McDo. Then we went to this KTV, uhh, my 1st impression was, gosh your loud. haha!. I just got shocked by your personality that's all, super out there ka kasi eh. You like kept on shouting at my cousin and all that. But ever since we actually started to talk to each other, my view changed, makakarelate din pala tayo sa isa't isa. haha. Then now we're super friends!:))



Soooo, Vincent Valwin Danao, btw I never get to ask you why Valwin?. Curious lang ako. haha!. Anyway, I met Dani when I was in the 2nd year of high school, well halos acquaintance lang kami dalawa. haha. Anyway, I saw him again the same time I first met Edu. Actually you didn't talk to any of the girls that's why I thought that we would never be friends. . haha. I felt talaga that we wouldn't get to be friends. Natakot ako sa inyong lahat sa barkada, IDK why, siguro nga dahil ang tatangkad ninyong lahat, nanliit ako. haha!. Tsaka maybe it was because of like, you different personalities. But hell, your personlities made you guys fun to be with. Well then through time, naging close din tayo Dani!. haha. Cool right?. Anyway Hi best friend!>:D<



Last is Ram, akala ko tahimik ka din. haha. Believe me or not, kala ko pa nga innocent ka eh, innocent nga ba?:>, haha!. Anyway, well, actually, I never thought that I would be friend with any of you, di kasi tayo nag uusap, but oh well, things change right?. Pero loko ka pala, saya mo din kasama like yer other kabarkada's. Thanks nga pala Ram sa pagtago ng mga alam mo na:)))))

So there you go, these were my first impressions regarding these friends of mine. Well I guess because of them, I learned that first impressions aren't exactly what makes the person, but the kind of person they are when you actually get to know them after that first impression step. And I love all of my friends for that!:)

Philippine Wipe Out

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

My First Day Sucked. How About Yours?

Today was my day to say so long to summer and hello to college. My class today was supposed to start at 10. So I got to UST at around 9:30. When it was about to become 10 I went to my bldg and that was the only time that I found out that all of the bldgs were to open at 1.

So I waited in front of the UST hospital for about an hour til Frances came and thank God she came. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It felt so emo. haha. Anyway when it was about to become 1pm Frances went inside her bldg and again I was left alone to wait all by my lonesome since my class wasn't until 2.

Then as it was quarter to 2 I went inside my bldg and searched for my room. There I found soooo many people waiting for their classes to start. Soon, I turned into one of those people. After maybe about 15-20 mins of waiting outside or so, an upper class men told us froshies that our room wasn't there pa daw. There I met Aishia. She was the first person to talk to me. So we went to the deans office and asked what was up with the hold up. They told us that our class was in the engineering bldg at the same room number. So Aishia and I went there together.

When we got to the room we sat down and waited and waited and waited, still no prof. It was about an hour til one of the sections also from adver knocked on our door and told us that they heard that if the prof doesn't show up in an hour you should either head home or just plain leave.

So I was one of those first people to walk out that room and decide to go home. Hell, I was tired, thirsty and sleepy. To top it all off I didn't get anything from the day. The only positive thing that came out was meeting a new friend and seeing my old ones.

So that's my first day. It sucked ass. Hopefully it won't suck tom. Praying that it'll be a productive and fun-filled day tom. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

Nothing Is Ever Set In Stone

Summer's about to come to it's close. To be honest, I am soooo not ready to say goodbye to summer. Well no one is. Not unless you're that psyched up for school. To tell you now, I'm have half-half feelings regarding school. Most especially now that I'm an incoming college freshie.

First I want to go to school because finally I have something to do, after 2 months of lounging around. haha. Basically the reasons that I'm excited and nervous are all the same. I'm mostly nervous because I haven't made any new friends in UST and that makes me hella scared. Even though my friends constantly remind me that I'm friendly and that I can make friends easily. I'm still not calmed down by their words of wisdom and comfort.

It's the 1sy day of kindergarten all over again. Almost everything is new. Except for our sheer enthusiasm to learn. Yay?. haha. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hell I'm not going to be a wuss most especially now that I'm going into college.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now. Constant running of thoughts, of people, of things, of events, etc. I don't know why but when someone close to me is sad I suddenly empathize with them. I have no idea why. Like when I was a little girl if my sister would cry, my eyes would suddenly get all teary. Maybe I really don't have a heart of stone. haha. Well Nadine and Jean know about how I'm feeling. They were the ones who I was talking to about the thing last night or this morning.

Everything that happens comes as such a surprise. We feel that we've braced ourselves for the worst, but when it comes it turns out we're not as ready as we thought we were. Nothing is permanent. Not unless you're that dedicated to make it set in stone and not let anything or anyone get in your way to ruin it.