Love

Love

I believe sometimes that most things in this world like batteries or even gas just have to run out. Nothing in this world is perfect, which is what makes it fair. Which makes some of us believe that the world is a cruel and unfair place, well, at least that's how it is for the pessimists.

I have never seen the world as perfect or imperfect, I just see it as, the world. We live not knowing what will come next or who we'll see or meet today or tomorrow. That's what makes life hard yet fun. Living on the unexpected is something that is constant.

What does love have to do with this?. Love should never really be even tried to search, it'll just come to you at the right time and place. Love may be cruel, love may be sweet. Then to love, is to accept. Accepting requires so much from us.

I have had so many thoughts in my head that I would want to let out so much. Then, let me let out the thoughts that I have always been thinking about this one person, let me start:

I still love you, I haven't tried to deny it or confirm it. I've only actually admited to the word love right now. I feel like a total idiot for still loving you. Why you ask?. Because, it hurts so much to still love someone who used to love you, but has eyes for someone else now. Up until this day I hang on to your words, as if you just said them to me. I really want to get over you. It's been years and no progress at all. I know I will get over you, I just don't know when. Until that day comes, I guess I will still be clinging to the memories we once had. I can never fess up to my feelings like how I did back in high school, I don't know why. I will always be here, secretly loving you, secretly hurting and praying everyday that I will let you go.

Live here?. In The States?. Are you serious?!

Here in San Francisco. I've been to a lot of places here in the states. Mostly California. My parents ask me if I could live here and all I say is "Ok lang.". The thought of me living here is just not really right for me. I love it in the Philippines and as it may be too distant to say but I know that I'll be working in the Philippines. I hope I'll be like my parents who live and work in the Phils.

I'm not saying that the US sucks, I'm just saying that, I guess, I'd like it better in a place that I'm familiar in, adjusting really is quite a challenge for many. I don't if I see myself working here. But as time goes by, it's almost like in the future I would be wrong about my assumptions. Let's see then.

Justice

We live in such a complex world. It forces us to learn about how to figure it out. Which makes me think, can we truly figure it out ourselves?

Seeing all the mass destruction happening around me, makes me feel scared and uncertain of the future ahead. Fear is sometimes a rational feeling, well, depending on the situation of course. As of now, whatever is being laid in front of us, is mostly causing not only a national outrage, but an international one at that.

Not being able to listen and actually be a human being are just one of the many errors I see in this. Justice is what is being called and hopefully it will be served. But here's the thing, will it happen at the right time and will it really be served to those who deserve it?

Dreams

Dreams-A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

Well at least that's what the http://www.thefreedictionary.com says. Ever since I was in elementary I have been having these strange things that makes me feel much more different than others. Dreams take me into another world that well I sometimes wish I had never even gone to.

You see, sometimes my dreams come true. Which makes everything oh so bizarre. I don't know what my dreams mean, but every time I dream of something that I honestly don't understand, I scour the internet for answers to my strangest dreams.

I encounter dreams about death, love and life. Nothing seems to make sense and maybe nothing ever will. Being in a constant state of confusion isn't really good for the health. But here's the thing the people who are in my dreams are mostly the one's whom I'm close to or at least used to be close to.

The scariest part is, I sometimes have dreams of someone who I don't know. Well, they're constantly being tortured and I once had this dream that one of our family friends killed themselves.

I don't what these dreams are telling me or even if they're telling me something. I'm pretty sure that it's not something I ate. I just don't know what to do anymore once I dream.

What Is Right In This World?

What if you had to lie just to please someone you love?. Would you still lie knowing that you would end up as a hypocrite?. Or just be honest and let everything all out?

Nothing ever seems to be easy in this world. Which is why it just makes living more complicated. Everything that we do is constantly being judged and there are times that we can never really satisfy everyone in this world no matter how hard you try.

I hate the feeling of lying, I have a conscience that makes me feel so bad inside. I guess I've kind of gotten used to the idea. Nonetheless that doesn't make it right.

But here's the thing, sometimes lying does hurt you,but it helps others. That must be why we feel like lying is sometimes a good thing. Lying about little things may by minor. But having to keep up a lie for a certain period of time really is a stretch. It's this charade that you feel is impossible to get out of. You started the lie, that makes it even harder to get out of.

The truth to some is very daring and obscene, creating anger and well just bad thoughts. In my opinion, the lying part is easy.

The "what if they catch you" part or the "I feel guilty so I'm telling the truth" part is the most difficult of all. For the first one, you're never prepared for that. You just make it all up as it goes along.

With the 2nd one, you're more nervous and you hope that it all goes as planned.

We're all never perfect, we never really know what to. I'm really sorry to be a downer here, but this is just my melancholic side going on. This is my way of lashing out.

Being Sick Sucks

Ever since Monday afternoon I've been feeling like crap. My head hurt like crazy. That's why after my Filipino class every friend of mine who'd pass by to greet me would ask, "Uhh Patsy, ok ka lang?". They could easily see my current condition just by looking at my face. It's either I'm that sick or I'm just that obvious these days. Haha. Anyway when I got home my headache never went away. I started feeling like crap even more. I decided to go to sleep early that night, I guess around 9. Then after that I would wake up every hour just to vomit.

Do you know how sick that feels?. I think during the 3rd time I was vomiting (Ok sorry if I'm grossing you out) deep in my mind I was thinking, "When the hell will this stop?. And why the hell to bulimic people go through all this pain just to get thin?." I started crying because I really felt that all of my body weight was literally lost from all that shit I went through. I just kept on vomiting from 10pm-1am. I really couldn't sleep a wink. That's why at about 2 in the morning I already woke up my parents and asked if I could not attend school the next day.

I hated doing that but I knew I needed to. I couldn't risk my health for that. I did know that that was a school day that was put to waste. I need high grades if I want to get into journalism. But then, I need to calm down and remember that it's just one day. No need to worry about it. I know that I'll make up for it in the next days.

Well I didn't attend PE today too. I was vomiting again this morning. Well, I had a check up, they took a sample of my blood(which I hate because now my left arm hurts so much) and my urine. They found nothing bad about me. Oh well, It must've been something I ate. Well I'm all fine now. But I get so full after just 2 bites of what I ate. Hmm. Weird.

What Is It With You?

"PRANING"

That's the Tagalog word for paranoid. I feel a certain height of paranoia right now. And every kind of paranoia isn't exactly good. It's because I really want to see this friend of mine. Well we had a thing in the past. I just really miss hanging out with him ever since he left for the States.

It's been 2 years and still, I'm left here, hanging on to every word he has told me. I don't know why but he has always made me feel special even after what he did to me in the past. I feel all screwed up and I'm not really even sure if I'm thinking straight. Usually when someone does something really really bad to me I hate them for a long time. It would take ALOT for me to forgive them. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, it's like I forget, I forget about what he did to me and think that he has done so many good things for me and that shouldn't make all the bad stuff over weigh the good.

I know that I am absolutely stupid to be this way, but I just really want to get over him. It's been 3 years now and still nothing. People tell me that there are guys who are lining up there for me, but why don't I believe them?. Why don't I care?. It's almost like the only person who I want is him. But he hurt me, he made me scared to love again. Every time guys tell me I'm beautiful or pretty, I just brush them off. I guess it's because I think that I'm not pretty. The last guy who made me believe I was pretty broke me and made me think that the girl he traded me up for was prettier, smarter and much more better than me. I sometimes feel insecure because of him.

Which makes me feel confused about him. I really want closure on this subject and I don't know how this will really all come to an end.

Why Did I Shift

"Are you sure?"

I have been thrown that question today for a number of times. And every time I would be asked that question, I felt like I was in a game show,being asked by the host if I am absolutely positive about my answer, and well, I would answer yes. I got pretty sick of all the sermons by some of the profs in my college. I somehow felt glad that my blockmates respected my decision, and they're question would be "Why?".

My answer, I chose to shift to another course because I felt that I didn't belong to the world of drawing. I know that this sounds stupid but, during the enrollment I thought that I could see myself having a job after graduation, but sadly, as days progressed in my world of fine arts, I felt like I lost myself, there was this longing inside of me to want to write things, and it took months until I could write a song again. After finishing that song I felt so relieved and I have to admit that I missed writing. I guess that I don't get the same high from holding a pencil and a sketch pad. I feel more like myself when I express myself through writing. I do know that I was stunned to find out that I knew how to draw, and I didn't suck at it that much as I expected.

Then I truly know in my heart and mind that I'm not cut out for the world of fine arts. I love all kinds of art. I am an artist, but I may not be the artist that draws, I see myself as an artist of words. I easily get satisfaction after writing an unbelievably long essay. I have discovered my passion and it is writing, I'm just glad that it didn't take me that long to find it out.

The shifting part isn't exactly my cup of tea. It's very stressful and tiring. But there is a part of that doesn't care, because I'm doing something that I believe is right for me. The stress will all be worth it once I get into the course I have shifted in and of course once I graduate. I still have 3 years to go. Wish me luck and pray for me:)

Sometimes I Wish I Was A Boy:)))

Whenever there are long lines to the girls CR, I get all frustrated. While I look at the opposite side, meaning the boys CR. There in and out there soooo fast. It's unfair, is it because women have weaker bladder control?. Hell, IDK. But it's during those times that I wish that I was a guy, then I'd zoom in and out of the CR. Weird yes, but it's so much easier that way. Haha

Also, everytime my red days come, it totally sucks ass cause I have to be careful of well, every thing I do. It screws up alot of things, it makes me consious and plus, sometimes the pain is absouloutley unbearable. Another thing, red days make me bloated. This is why girls get easily irritated on these days, they make us feel like the world is on our shoulders, clinging for stupid reasons.

It's during these times that I wish i could just magically become a boy. Hell, I'd still want to turn back into a girl though. haha

I flunked a subject:|

Last Monday Aie called me from UST to tell me that I flunked my VP class, VP stands for visual perception. I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry, but I was too shy since I was with my guy friends whom I haven't seen for the longest time. They comforted me and well, I got tipsy from drinking, I guess I let out my frustrations on drinking. I was too carried away by my emotions. I don't regret what i did then, it's just that emotions are a very powerful thing.

It's Wednesday today and still, I haven't told my parents of my flunked subject. I'm too scared, I don't know what to do. This is the first time that I have ever failed a subject. It isn't really easy thinking of ways to tell your parents that you flunked a subject in college. Well, I'm praying that my parents will understand that I'm not really cut out for the world of advertising arts. I have told them of my idea of shifting and they approved. My parents love me so much that's why they let me choose what I want in my life. I love them just as much, that's why it's so tough to tell them of my flunk. I mean what exactly is the best way to tell your parents that you bombed a subject?

I also thank all of my friends who reassure me that everything will be alright. I love you all so so much. Thank you very much for comforting me when I need it the most. You know who you guys are. So thank you:)

Now, My hands are trembling, I feel really cold, tears are rolling down my face. I'm scared. Scared of what my parents will think or say. I haven't been this nervous to tell my parents about something I did ever since I was in the 4th grade. Every one knows I give my best in every thing I do, I just pray that my parents know that too. Wish me luck and may God bless me.

You Make Me Love You

Made another song, I don't know why I keep on writing love songs when I'm not even romantically involved with someone. I guess I'm just imagining the feeling of loving someone. Well, this is for all those love sick people our there:)

I'll call the whole world
Just to let you know
How sincere I am with you
I don't need anyone else with me
Except you, the person who completes me

There's something about you
That get's me so into you
As if no one else exists
Which only leaves you and me
Staring into each others soul

You bring out another side of me
A side no one but you has ever seen
I promised to take care of you
No matter how hard it may seem

I love you with every bit of me
I surrender myself to you
Because I believe that
You're the only one who will never hurt me

Love

Right now, I feel bad, but I didn't do anything bad at all. It hurts to think that when you've discovered something new, it's almost like a must to let another good thing go in your life. It makes you realize that love is a give and take situation. You can never just keep on taking, you also have to give in order for you to last as long as you know you will. AS I've grown up, I've seen and had friends who've come and gone. That's why I've learned that in every relationship, it's important to have trust, whether in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, or even friendships. For without trust, you will go on in your life always worrying and asking things that aren't even needed to be asked about.


I believe that nothing is more complicated than love. It's one thing in this world that we all try to figure out, but only very few actually understand it. They say that love is so blind that it can make you do crazy things. In my perspective, I don't call that love, love is true, love doesn't judge, love is simple once you find it. With love, most people realize what's been there all along, but then, with love, you're ready to let go when needed and just stay in the backseat, wishing that that was you sitting on that passenger's seat.

Jimmy Eat World - Kill Mp3

First Impressions Last

I suddenly got all lethargic and remembered my memorable first impressions on some of my friends. And trust me, they're not really pretty. If you're here on this blog post then my first impression of you is that memorable to me. haha. Let me remind my friends that I love each and every one of them and that every word that I am about to type is done purely out of my love for you. I love you guys, please don't kill me:))



First off I have Luisa Luz Estanislao Eastlaw. I met her when we were about in the 3rd grade. I was asked by our adviser to switch seats with her seatmate. When I was a kid I often never cared about other people's names, not unless they became my classmates. Well, in the 3rd grade it was the 1st time that I ever became classmates with Lulu. When I became her seatmate, of course I had to remember her name, so in an effort to gain her trust, I talked to her. But then, little old me couldn't remember her name. So I noticed that almost all of Lulu's things had tags on them. So every time I wanted to call her I would look first at her things, then I'd talk to her. It probably took me a week to memorize her name. I thought of Luisa as very innocent. Oh timo Lulu, akala ko innocent ka. haha!. Then the rest was as they say, HISTORY.:)




Next off I have Micaela Bettina Profeta. She is one of my most beloved friends. I swear that I love her so so much. Well, I met Mica when we were in the 6th grade. We were made into seatmates. At the same time we were in the same group for school projects. When I found out that we were groupmates, I swear I got soooo pissed off, to be honest I didn't like Mica and I didn't know why. Well, at first actually Mica and I hated each other's guts. But when we became seatmates, well, everyone who knows us would know that Mica and I love to make kwento, as in ALOT, so we got to talk to each other then, we learned that we had soooo much in common. Then there. ILY and IMY Micaela!:)



Then there's Ma. Angelica Marcelino. I only knew that Angelica existed when we were in the 5th grade and she ran for student body president. Well, with me being a typical girl and being friends with her opponent Diana Pacapac. Well of course I was rooting for Diana, but Angelica won. So I didn't like her for that, yuck I was sooo immature back then. haha. Then when we became classmates in the 1st year of high school we started talking to each other more and we became really good friends. Even our moms are friends;))



Si Pauline May Isip. Haaay Pauline. When I got to know Pauline in grade school to be honest I thought she was weird. No offense Pauline. ILY naman eh. haha!. Kasi nung time na yun you like had an imaginary friend and we were in the 5th grade then so imaginary friends weren't exactly the most hip and happening thing to ever happen. haha. But then nung high school, when we became classmates and soon seatmates, I learned to like your weird personality. Dude you rock for that. You're never boring to hang around with. haha. And I could have gotten a bit of my craziness from you. Anyway ILY Pauline:))




Next is Eddduuuuuu, the boy I call mah Squishy:)). I first met him a McDo. Then we went to this KTV, uhh, my 1st impression was, gosh your loud. haha!. I just got shocked by your personality that's all, super out there ka kasi eh. You like kept on shouting at my cousin and all that. But ever since we actually started to talk to each other, my view changed, makakarelate din pala tayo sa isa't isa. haha. Then now we're super friends!:))



Soooo, Vincent Valwin Danao, btw I never get to ask you why Valwin?. Curious lang ako. haha!. Anyway, I met Dani when I was in the 2nd year of high school, well halos acquaintance lang kami dalawa. haha. Anyway, I saw him again the same time I first met Edu. Actually you didn't talk to any of the girls that's why I thought that we would never be friends. . haha. I felt talaga that we wouldn't get to be friends. Natakot ako sa inyong lahat sa barkada, IDK why, siguro nga dahil ang tatangkad ninyong lahat, nanliit ako. haha!. Tsaka maybe it was because of like, you different personalities. But hell, your personlities made you guys fun to be with. Well then through time, naging close din tayo Dani!. haha. Cool right?. Anyway Hi best friend!>:D<



Last is Ram, akala ko tahimik ka din. haha. Believe me or not, kala ko pa nga innocent ka eh, innocent nga ba?:>, haha!. Anyway, well, actually, I never thought that I would be friend with any of you, di kasi tayo nag uusap, but oh well, things change right?. Pero loko ka pala, saya mo din kasama like yer other kabarkada's. Thanks nga pala Ram sa pagtago ng mga alam mo na:)))))

So there you go, these were my first impressions regarding these friends of mine. Well I guess because of them, I learned that first impressions aren't exactly what makes the person, but the kind of person they are when you actually get to know them after that first impression step. And I love all of my friends for that!:)

Saggy Eyes=Stressed Patsy

I have never felt this tired like, ever. College is honestly stressing me out. I really feel my eye bags bringing my eyes down. Even my parents noticed. It's actually all written on my face. The stress is basically seen on my face.

It really is true that the people in our building are the ones who never sleep. We stay up all night just to finish our plates. 'Cause of that I honestly look like one of the zombies in the thriller MV. Make-up has become one of my best friends now, due to the stress that is written on my face.

My friends tell me to rest, so I'm resting now. I don't know if my shock is from culture shock or I really am just not good at handling my time. I don't know, either way, I still look like this:



That's what doing plates 24/7 does to you. It makes you feel so crazy that you don't know how to let it all out. Well, I have to bid farewell for now, I have a theology paper to write. Yaaaaaaay:|

Loser Patsy:))

I was going through some of my old things until I stumped over one of my old notebooks. My aunt gave it to me as a christmas present, waay back when I was I think in the 3rd or 2nd grade. It was almost like my diary. This was where I put in my random thoughts. I felt free writing in it. I loved writing in it since the paper was black and I wrote in it with colored metallic pens.

As I was scanning through the pages, I read A LOT of loser-ish things. There was even a story on how godzilla met barbie. Talk about sabaw. LOL. Until I saw this "The If Page". IT was filled whith a bunch of if questions. Here's the list of the questions and beside them are my answers. Be prepared to witness my loser-ish-ness:)):

I were an animal, I'd be... horse

I were really famous at something it would be.... singing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....clothes

I were a school lunch, I'd be... a sandwich

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... pizza

I could change my name, It's change it to... Hannah

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... my clothes

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Oops I did It Again

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Lily

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Miggy

Looking at this page made me laugh til me tummy hurt and it also made me realize on what a pathetic loser I was. LOL

Of course if I were to answer these now I would sooooo answer them differently. Let me anwer them now. haha:


I were an animal, I'd be... dove

I were really famous at something it would be.... writing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....helping those whos suffered in the typhoon

I were a school lunch, I'd be... tapsiXD

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... still a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... it would be a cross between california rolls or paellaXD

I could change my name, It's change it to... I wouldn't change my name. I love it already:)

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... probably my nose or my huge forehead

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Magasin by the Eraserheads

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Abigail Rosemary

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Christopher Thames

haha. I answered most of them differently. I guess it really does show that I've growned up even if there was just a little progress:))

Philippine Wipe Out

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

HSSian Ka Kasi...

I miss HSS so so so much. I guess you could say i was reminiscing while making this. To those who wish to repost this pls give credit to Patsy Carrillo. I have rights too yah know:))


Oh yeah, and you're welcome to add anything to the list. Just as long as it isn't offensive. Anything that you know makes HSS HSS. Have fun reading it, because I sure had fun writing this. Truth in love;):p


HSS-ian ka kasi:



1. Nahuli kang maikli yung socks at yung chemise. Mas lalo na yung chemise, mahuhuli ka talaga pag hindi ka naka chemise. Hala!

2. Pinagalitan ka na ni Ms. Penetrante, kulit mo noh?. (peace Ms. P!)

3. Pag practice para sa mass ganadong ganado ka kumanta, pero pagdating sa real thing, mananahimik ka lang at nakatulala sa space, nagtataka kung aabot pa ba yung 3rd subject mo sa mass o kung pagbibigyan kayo na recess na agad after mass.

4. Memorize mo na yung 5 favorite words ni Sister Tess. “May God bless us all.”

5. Pag nakakakita ka ng madre feel mo kilala ka nila at kilala nila si Sister Tess kaya na prepressure ka at kailangan mong mag greet.

6. Feel mo na yung mga teacher mo dapat sa school lang nakikita. Alalahanin mo, hindi sila bawal gumala katulad mo, tao din sila hija!

7. Kahit wala ka naming dalang electronic gadget sa school at nagkaka inspection parang feel mo magkaka heart attack ka na sa nerbyos kasi parang pakiramdam mo biglaang lilitaw sa bag mo yung cp, digicam, ipod/mp3, etc na mga gamit mo.

8. Pag mainit at break time takbo ka agad sa guidance room o library para tumambay.

9. Nagka jarbs(jabar) ka na at nakita toh ng mga kaklase mo.

10. Either nanenerbyos kang makipag usap sa lalaki o masyado kang atat na makipag kilala sa mga lalaki.

11. Pag gigimick ka after school at sasabay ka sa kaibigan, maghahanap ka ng kahit anong rason para lang ma-signan yan permission letter mo. Siyempre yung mga good seeds dyan ng HSS walang problema. May good seeds nga ba?. Haha. Eh ikaw?

12. Nag hahanap ka ng kahit anong lusot para makatambay sa clinic kasi ayaw mong mag attend sa class. Kunyari hihingi ka lang ng agua oxehynada(tama ba yung spelling?) eh umupo ka na don at kinausap mo na yung mga batang pumapasok sa clinic na may sugat o sakit at kilalang kilala na ni Tita Ces yang muhka mo kaya parang onti na lang maglalagay siya ng poster sa clinic na banned ka na don. Yari ka!:))

13. Nahihirapan ka minsan mamili ng damit pag pwede na mag civilian. Dami kasing bawal eh. Pero alam kong madami dyang pume-pekpek shorts(ok now that sounded soooo gross when I typed it. LOL) sa HSS. I've seen it with my own eyes.

14. Pag nag dala ka ng lalaki sa HSS isip agad ng mga tao na boyfriend mo siya, not unless grabe naman siya sa pagkatanda o grabe naman sa pagka bata, ano ka?, pedo?. Haha!

15. Pag bus ka at ayaw mo pang umuwi magtatago ka sa conductor mo, pero pag iniwan ka naman parang miserableng miserable ka at ewan mo kung pano ka uuwi.

16. Morning routine mo usually, makipag siksikan sa locker bago mahuli ni Mrs. Mariano na late, mag line sa tapat ng init, mag dasal tapos mag ingay sa class. Usually ah. Haha.

17. Nawbwibwiset ka dahil sa liit ng canteen natin at sa mahal ng pagkain. Simpleng nilalang lang kasi tayo, diba?. Aminin niyo, mga tipid tayong lahat sa HSS:))

I'm At A Confused State Right Now:|

When I arrived at the grocery to meet up with my dad last Thursday. He immediately opened up the topic about my course. He asked me if I really do want my course. My answer?. Well, I just raised my shoulders in an "I don't know manner", because I'm not really sure if this is what I want.

I guess I do miss writing, A LOT. It's been a big part of me after all. Maybe that's what I want to do, write. Then, I was thinking about shifting and all the troubles it would cause me and other people. But, is it all really worth the stress?

Hell, I don't know, I'm still confused about what I want. After all not everyone knows what they want. Every single decision we make as humans could be critical to the survival of one. I may be getting a bit carried away here, but hey, it could happen, we never know right?.

You must be thinking that maybe the smell of the paints I've been using lately have gone to my head, you may be wrong or you could even be right. I believe that I'm not thinking straight these days. My mind has been on a constant loop. Maybe it just needs time to reset itself, hmm, I don't know.

Lies

Lies. They make up our whole existence. This is one of the basic principles of life that every human has to learn. Whether we hate it or love it, we still have to accept it.

We often say that we hate it when people lie to us. But how about us lying to them?. Isn't it the same thing?. We should never say that all is fair in that way.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. None of us our perfect. Which makes us feel that life is so unfair.

Even in my possible career in the future, I have to sometimes sell lies. And to think, I never even thought it possible to sell lies. I only thought about it I guess around last week.

The problem is, lies are an inescapable circumstance. It benefits all, but it also destroys us.

Lies are the "loophole" of the life contract we unknowingly signed with God.

Every time I tried to do my plates/artwork assignments I would just run out of motivation to do so. It's been an awful while since I've last blogged, and I have to admit, I missed it. Drawing, sculpting, painting all week, is good and all, but for me, nothing beats writing down your thoughts.

I guess what's been distracting me from doing my plates is the thought that, my ex actually has someone else. Yes, I know it's stupid for me to feel this way. But I will admit that I'm not mad or upset cause I'm jealous, it's because he was the one who cheated on me, and now he's the one who's found love again before me. I just find it unfair. That's why I feel that it was like a really big slap in the face.

Right now I feel immature, stupid and down right crazy for having these emotions. I may have actually gone mental. Like what I always say, being single ROCKS!. But to have someone tell you that they love you and having to love them back in more than a platonic way, well, that also rocks.

I'm just remembering that I shouldn't be in a hurry to find love. I guess I should just let it find me. I'm enjoying being single and well boys are boys.:)

You Are Not Alone(RIP Michael)

Before leaving for the US embassy last Friday, my parents told me that Michael Jackson just had a heart attack. I was shocked, but not that scared because I believed that he would survive through it.

Well anyway, went to the US embassy with my family to apply for a US visa. Thanks to God, St. Rita and all of those who prayed for us, because we were all granted a US visa. Anyway, we were ordered to not bring any electronic devices in the embassy. So I left my phone in the car. When I got my phone at around 11 I think, I saw that in one of Maiqui's gm's that Michael Jackson was pronounced dead. I didn't bother texting her because I thought that she was joking.

But when we got to my grandfather's home, my uncle told us that Michael Jackson just died. I immediately ran to the TV and switched it to CNN. I was pretty much devastated. To be honest, Michael Jackson is one of my inspirations when it comes to music and writing songs. He is one of those artists that I loved even way back when I was little girl.

Of course when I was kid I loved his Christmas songs the most. As I grew up and I heard his different songs, I was instantly drawn. I thank my dad for showing me the different kinds of music. But I really won't forget the day when I was absent in grade school and I was flipping through some channels. Then I stopped in the Philippine music channel entitled MYX. Suddenly MJ's MV Black or White was on and I knew that there was something with that song that couldn't stop making me play that in my head. I think that that was the very first MJ MV that I have ever watched.

I will always believe that Michael Jackson is, was and always will be a music legend. May his legacy live on forever. RIP Michael. We love you.

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone.mp3 get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

My First Day Sucked. How About Yours?

Today was my day to say so long to summer and hello to college. My class today was supposed to start at 10. So I got to UST at around 9:30. When it was about to become 10 I went to my bldg and that was the only time that I found out that all of the bldgs were to open at 1.

So I waited in front of the UST hospital for about an hour til Frances came and thank God she came. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It felt so emo. haha. Anyway when it was about to become 1pm Frances went inside her bldg and again I was left alone to wait all by my lonesome since my class wasn't until 2.

Then as it was quarter to 2 I went inside my bldg and searched for my room. There I found soooo many people waiting for their classes to start. Soon, I turned into one of those people. After maybe about 15-20 mins of waiting outside or so, an upper class men told us froshies that our room wasn't there pa daw. There I met Aishia. She was the first person to talk to me. So we went to the deans office and asked what was up with the hold up. They told us that our class was in the engineering bldg at the same room number. So Aishia and I went there together.

When we got to the room we sat down and waited and waited and waited, still no prof. It was about an hour til one of the sections also from adver knocked on our door and told us that they heard that if the prof doesn't show up in an hour you should either head home or just plain leave.

So I was one of those first people to walk out that room and decide to go home. Hell, I was tired, thirsty and sleepy. To top it all off I didn't get anything from the day. The only positive thing that came out was meeting a new friend and seeing my old ones.

So that's my first day. It sucked ass. Hopefully it won't suck tom. Praying that it'll be a productive and fun-filled day tom. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

A Very Late Mom's Day Blog:)

Hearing your mother or any other mother rant or nag is a person's worst nightmare. It's an even bigger nightmare for the child of the mother who's ranting. I think it's because we know we are powerless before the mighty words our mother's let out, you can almost say that a rant is totally fast and furious.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother just as much as the next person, but you sure as hell shouldn't make her mad, OR ELSE!. You shall suffer her wrath. I'm sure everyone agrees with me. I just really find it very very scary when my mom gets all angry. I would soooo not want to get get in her way. haha

It's almost like a storm, when there's an early prediction you would like to stay away from the storm or atleast protect yourself from certain dangers the storm may bring. Then when the storm dies down, that's when it's safe.

That's why I really try my best to please my mom. Of course when I've done something wrong or if I need something I smile here and there and I also try to do something really nice. haha. Yes, I'm that obvious. lol!

But even through all the constant rants and nags I thank my mother for that. After all that's what keeps me from being an insane and out of line child. A very late mother's day blog. haha. Anyway thanks mom. I love you :)



Father's day is just around the corner. Still thinking about a gift.

Random Rants

Every night before I sleep. I have these constant thought running through my mind. Well, it's practically a routine for me. I think for about an hour. No matter how hard I try to stop, they still keep on going.

Counting doesn't seem to help even thinking of a white room to make me relax just makes me think even more. This makes me feel all miserable and tired. Leaving me with saggy eyes and I get to wake up pretty late.

Which is a total drag considering that my first day of colleges is in 3 days. I have to wake up at 5 because of the 40 minute travel time from my house to school. I've gotten so used to my 2 month regimen of waking up at exactly 5 mins before 10. Eating brunch, going on the computer for the rest of the day or sleeping for the remaining hours.

Yes, my life is boring. It's only boring here when it comes to the house since I don't do anything here. That's why I always schedule a gimmick with my friends at least once a week. Just to keep me sane and as to keep my social life from going kaput.

Have to admit I'm really going to miss my friends from high school. Since we're all going our separate ways, attending different colleges and all. It's scary yet exciting. But new adventures and friends await us in the days to come.

Gusto Ko Lamang Sa Buhay....(First Tagalog Blog)

Simula ng tinatanong ako nung 2nd or 3rd year ng high school kung ano yung ambisyon ko sa buhay, parang wala akong masagot, kundi "Uhm. ewan ko po.". Parang minsan ang sarap ngang sabihin "Wala pa kong plano, ikaw ba may plano nung ganitong taon ka?!". Oo na, ang sungit ng dating. Pero nakakairita lang kasi kung parating tinatanong yun sayo. Parang papatong patong yung bigat ng pressure na dala mo.

Hanggang ngayon parang pakiramdam ko wala pa din akong direksyon sa buhay. Nung bata ako gusto ko maging doctor. Para makatulong sa mga may sakit. Pero nung medyo dumevelop na yung brain cells ko parang nung nakakita na ko ng mga malalaking sugat sa ibang tao parang nandidiri ako ng di ko makayanan. Kaya hindi ko na lang naisipan maging doctor ulit.

Habang palaki ako nang palaki. Dumaan naman sa isip ko yung pagiging astronaut. Ambisyoso ako non. Mahilig mag feeling. Pero mabilis din yung naglaho kasi sa US lang yung mga magandang aeronautics na eskwelahan. Nangarap pa naman ako makapag talon sa outer space. Inaamin ko, feeling akong bata. Lahat naman tayo feeling dati eh. haha!

Pero simula nung gumagawa na ko ng mga tula at mga storya nung mga late grade school, nakakatanggap na ko ng mga sabi mula sa mga teacher at mga kaklase na magaling akong magsulat. Kaya napag isipan kong maging writer o journalist. Kung ano man yung mas bagay sa kin.

Yung gusto ko lang naman ngayon sa buhay ay makapag sulat nang makapag sulat. Don naman kasi ako nakakapaglabas ng damdamin eh. Tsaka dito mas naiintindihan ng mga tao kung ano yung mga gusto kong sabihin. Parang wala nang pasikot sikot. Basta andon na yung punto ko sa mga pinagsusulat ko. Malay ko ba kung ano yung mararating ko sa pag asam na toh. May tatanggap nga ba sa kin?. Ano nga ba yung magagawa ko sa pagsusulat lamang?. May mahahantungan nga ba ako sa mga pinagsusulat ko?. Hmm. Siguro maghihintay na lang muna ako at titignan ko kung san ako madadala nitong gusto ko.

Nothing Is Ever Set In Stone

Summer's about to come to it's close. To be honest, I am soooo not ready to say goodbye to summer. Well no one is. Not unless you're that psyched up for school. To tell you now, I'm have half-half feelings regarding school. Most especially now that I'm an incoming college freshie.

First I want to go to school because finally I have something to do, after 2 months of lounging around. haha. Basically the reasons that I'm excited and nervous are all the same. I'm mostly nervous because I haven't made any new friends in UST and that makes me hella scared. Even though my friends constantly remind me that I'm friendly and that I can make friends easily. I'm still not calmed down by their words of wisdom and comfort.

It's the 1sy day of kindergarten all over again. Almost everything is new. Except for our sheer enthusiasm to learn. Yay?. haha. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hell I'm not going to be a wuss most especially now that I'm going into college.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now. Constant running of thoughts, of people, of things, of events, etc. I don't know why but when someone close to me is sad I suddenly empathize with them. I have no idea why. Like when I was a little girl if my sister would cry, my eyes would suddenly get all teary. Maybe I really don't have a heart of stone. haha. Well Nadine and Jean know about how I'm feeling. They were the ones who I was talking to about the thing last night or this morning.

Everything that happens comes as such a surprise. We feel that we've braced ourselves for the worst, but when it comes it turns out we're not as ready as we thought we were. Nothing is permanent. Not unless you're that dedicated to make it set in stone and not let anything or anyone get in your way to ruin it.

The Rain and The Virus are Starting to Get Me

It's been raining like crazy for the past week now. I'm not really a big fan of it as to say. During my elementary and high school days I used to be so ecstatic when they'd say that classes on all levels would be suspended. Cause that would mean a day of rest and nothing to do.

Well now that I'm about to start college in UST. I officially hate the rain. haha. Everyone knows that when it rains like crazy, it causes a crazy flood over at Espana. It's almost like an extension of the Ganges river. haha. Yes I am going overboard again. But my tita who studies there told me that when the rain dies down the "river" resceeds. So goodluck to everyone when the rainy season comes. Well the rainy season has already come. sooooo

Anyway, the opening of classes in UST have been moved to the 15th. Mainly due to the a(h1n1) virus reaching DLSU. To be honest it even freaks me out. My mom's office is being really really precautionary about the whole outbreak. This whole epidemic is practially driving eveyone insane. I'm so scared about it I was even thinking about not going out for almost a whole week. But hell, I know that's not going to stop the outbreak. That's why frok now on I'm going to bring hand sanitizer or alcohol anywhere I go. Yes, I may sound paranoid. Well I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm getting all O.C once again. This is all just crazy if you ask me.

Simple Kind of Life

Just came home from HSS. Yes, as in Holy Spirit School. Met up with Rosa and Frances. Then Lulu and Vance followed. We went there to chat with old teachers and to just reminisce before our school starts. Well the QCumbers were all supposed to come but we were short of 3. So that was disappointing. But we still had a great time though.

Well to get home I had to commute yet again. But the rain got even stronger. When it died down a bit then did Vance and I walk to the LRT station. Even though I was wearing my black chucks they got wet. Hell even my socks get wet. I was covered all over and I even had an umbrella. But I still got pretty wet.

So then it went to my mind that this is what I need to prepare for next week if ever. The rain would proabably get worse and the streets would be flooded. Then right now, all I want to do is rest and have some really good dinner. haha. Hopefully they cooked something real yummy. I don't want to think about any thing that would worry me for the moment. I guess I really do know that I just have a few days of rest before starting on a new adventure. Yeeeeee. Scaaaarrryy. haha!

Just Let Go And Breath:)

Have you ever felt so out of touch with someone whom you've know for almost your whole life. It sounds crazy, but even the closest person to you could seem as a total stranger to you in so many ways. Knowing someone is not enough, you have to understand them and feel for them to truly be in touch with them. That's just how life is. It complicates things that are already complicated to begin with.

Often we force things to happen according to our will. But, life never works like that. We feel that we can tell things from the other. Sometimes we can and sometimes we can't. Just the thought of not being able to take control of things drives us crazy.

After all, that's what most of us want, control. For without control, we won't be able to have things to our advantage. Without it, we're forced to let go and wait. To wait for an outcome and to watch without having to do anything to our grasp.

In some cases, we should just let go. Losing control doesn't necessarily mean that you have nothing left. It just means that you need to jump back to reality. Just take a deep breath and relax.

Remember, it's not the end of the world if you don't have the world in your tiny little grasp. I know how random my thoughts may be, but this is part of me letting go. You should try it to.:)

From Kiddies To Teens

After barely even a week of posting my last week, I have found some old pictures of Miggy, Ted, Therese and I, waaaay back when we were kiddies. haha. Hopefully they won't try to kill me once they see this blog. Sorry guys but I love you. haha!. After all blood is thicker than waterXP

First imma start out with my little sister. Since she's the youngest in the group. So I'll be posting 2 pics of each of us. One was when we were little, the 2nd one would be a present pic. So here it goes.:




Then next is Ted. I found it really hard to find a pic of him in our albums, because he was always with someone. Hopefully this pic is ok. Don't get mad at me ah. Ang cute mo naman eh:)))))))))))))))


Next would be me. I had curly hair, just like my mom's, when I was little. I didn't know what happened though. As I grew up my hair became straighter. haha. Weird.



Then last but never the least. Is Miggy. Monster si Miggy dati and he still is one now. haha!. kidding!(I think)

Boys Are Better When They've Grown Up:))

There are many things in this world that I don't understand. Well, one of those many things is the relationship between boys and video games. lol!. Why the hell am I making a blog about this, I don't know either. I just find it hard to figure out.

I feel so weird right now. Haha. Because I'm making a blog about this. I just honestly don't get what it is with boys and video games. When my guy cousins and I were little kids and we would hang out at my cousin Ted's place, Miggy and Ted would pay more attention to the TV screen and the play station config that was attached to it. haha!. Anyway that was back then. Now they talk to us more. We text each other and comment on fb and multiply. At least now we actually talk.

Back when we were kids we would play together. But it would always be boys against girls. So it would be and my sister against Ted and Miggy. Of course unfair advantage and boys kasi what we played were "baril-barilan" or the fight in who would reign supreme in the wrestling match on the PS. But when my sister and I would cry because of them, and our uncle's and aunt's would see us, ofcourse we'd hold the belt in that division. haha!

Now we're all grown up. Ted and Therese are in high school, while Miggy and I are incoming college freshmen. We get along better now, which is good. Hopefully that all goes a looong way. haha

I'll try to find a matino picture of us four from our totoy and nene days:))

Life Is Still So Fragile

Life is short. This is what I learn when someone I know has passed away. Never would you think that someone would be taken by the Lord so fast. Sometimes it comes so unexpectedly. So it comes as a real shock that you try to make sure that it had actually happened and that it wasn't some nightmare. But then, it most cases we expect it, we expect it so much that when it happens, some of us go all numb inside that we don't tend to show our real emotions, not until we're all alone.

I really do believe that every day should be lived to the fullest. For if we regret one day. We could try and make up for it the next day. It's not exactly the end of the world when you lose at something. You could always work on it over and over again.

Dreaming is what gets us through this life. That's where most of our expectations start. But if we do something to achieve those dreams. Then it'll really work out for us. It's not enough to dream. If we really do want that dream then we should do something to make it come true.

What I'm trying to say is live everyday as if it were your last. And from now on never live life with regrets. Well, if you do have regrets then turn them around or just make them work out for you not to have regrets anymore. Life is this trip that is worth taking if you make it an unforgettable trip.

David Cook - Avalanche.mp3 get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

I'm A Mess Without Technology

Just awhile ago when my parents arrived home my dad told me that he texted me and that I didn't reply. I told him that I was taking a bath when he texted which was why I wasn't able to reply. He then told me that he was surprised to find me not replying to his texts because he thinks that it's impossible for me not to reply to texts. Well hell, my dad's right. I rely on my cellphone 24/7. I only leave my phone at home when I'm going to short trips to the supermarket, to the salon or when I'm going to church. But, anything other than those occasions I bring my phone with me constantly.

Just like any other teenager in this century I am inseparable from technology. It's one of the things that make me live. Hey!. Don't say I'm going overboard here but alot of people there are like me. Well, I look at my phone almost every 5 minutes to check for messages that any ogf my friends have sent me. I also go online almost like 2-3 times a day if I'm at home the whole day. I go constantly online because ofcourse there is nothing much to do here aside from the occasional phone calls from my friends, watching tv and stuffing myself with the food in the kitchen.

Let's be honest with ourselves. Without technology we would so be living hard today. Connecting with friends through cans connected with string is so old fashioned. I would have to agree to Gino Quillamor's blog about technology. Here's the link btw http://geekygangster.blogspot.com/

Me - cellphone= bored/wondering/insane Patsy. Yes I just referred to myself as a third person. It's true that I find it hard to live without a phone. Even if I don't have load I still want my phone by me at all times. It's really weird of me but true.

I need to go on a techno hiatus. haha!. I'll find a day to just relax and let go of technology for awhile. But I will go back to it though:))

My First Ever Post On Youtube And I Blew It:))

So today was the first time I have ever posted a video on youtube. I am more scared than proud of myself. haha. I'm proud that I actually got the guts to post a video. I've had an account on youtube ever since 2006. The purpose for it to me was to just comment and subscribe to my youtube idols.

Then during summer this year I just thought of posting videos. The videos are going to be me singing. Luisa and I are planning to post videos of us just voicing out our thoughts. So we're gonna video blog or vlog or whatever the term may be. Luisa and I love speaking out. haha. So watch out for that. I'll also be blogging about it here on blogspot and on multiply.

Anyway here's the video that I posted on youtube. I blew the end part. It was really high. Very out of my voice range. Anyway tell me what you think about it.:)

Back2Me

Being in love is not always a choice, sometimes it just happens. Which for me, really is one of the most scary and unpredictable part of life. Having the feeling of love may take you to as high as the heavens. But it could also bring you to incomprehensible depths that you've never thought you'd reach.

I can honestly say that I've been in both of those situations. Having loved someone as more than a friend. Thinking of him has always made me wonder of what could be. How it would feel to hold his hand, to actually go out on a date with him and to even kiss him. I know it may seem weird. I bet you're thinking that I got into a relationship with a guy who I don't even know or haven't even met in the first place. Well, let me tell you now that that thought's wrong. I know how to love and when I fell in love with him, I knew in my heart that there was something with him that me feel all special inside and out. Don't be quick to judge. After all you may not know me that well.

The reason why I wonder is because, he left when we were still together. Now don't jump into conclusions and say that he left without telling me. Well he did tell me and we both never thought that he was leaving for good. But then, that unfortunate surprise hit us like thunder. He was not to come back. In spite of that we still stayed together. I don't know why I agreed. But I guess that's what my mind and my heart told me. I was scared but still certain at the same time.

That's what love is, it makes you feel all kinds of feelings. It could make you all loony at one point and sane in another point. It's this trip that most people think they know what they're in for, but truth is they're not. So expect the unexpected.

Now, he and I aren't together anymore. I thought that I could forget him. It's been so long and still, I'm not certain if that love hasn't changed. I think the feelings are coming back. But I really can't say for sure.

Even through all the pain he's caused me, I don't know why I even concentrate on all the joy he's brought me. Maybe it's because I believed in the saying that "All the happy memories over weigh all the bad ones". That was just who I am. No matter what others said to me I still had the heart and mind to forgive. I forgive out of love.

I may sound all mushy now, but hell, that's who I am. This is how I let out my thoughts. Leaving them for everyone to see. Because every word makes me let go and feel more free of the thoughts that hold me back.

Right now, I feel more confused and I really want things to be all straightened out. What I think I have to do now is wait, because time is most precious right now. And as I wait for time to pass by, I'll certainly think more of what I feel. Hopefully I can get it all out of my system.

Are You One Of Them?

Hey! finally, the 21 Q-Cumbers have decided to reveal the codenames we made up for some incongruous reasons...

oh yeah! i know you hate/annoy ‘em, but it's only life though,

you are who you are. you make your own life stories. the world oblivious of how you deny that we're sooo observant! :))

friends, and foes.. here it goes..



• bear1
• bear2
• durian
• rambutan
• betty
• armando
• venus
• mars
• langgams na pumapapak sa Chocnut
• snow white
• frosty
• dwarfs- lagging kasama ni snow white
• strawberry
• district 1 & 2
• kulto- katakot kasma
• boom boom- may twin siya..
• Douglas-
• Bodyguard- effective na bouncer!
• Vice
• BTS
• Chenelyn
• BRO.
• Popoy the 2nd
• Best friend ni Patsy
• Chokie!
• Mga Pagong
• Asshoole
• C.P. (lovelife ni popoy)
• Aircon
• Tentay
• Manila
• Racket
• Sabon
• Boy barako
• Boy tira
• Basilio
• Isagani
• Madam

Starstruck(My Outfit Isn't That Scandalous)

Yesterday it just felt really weird. Because I swear I could honestly feel the heavy stares of people on me. Mostly it was girls. They'd start looking at my feet then at my face. After lunch kasi we went to cubao. First we went to sm then we went to gateway.

Well there would even be some girls, though they've passed me na they'd still look at my back. The looks are that heavy. I guess they were thinking that I wasn't wearing anything under outfit other that underwear. haha!. After some adults would look at my outfit, next they'd look at my mom. It was as if they were giving her the message "How could you let your daughter wear something like that?". I thought my outfit my fine. haha. I was happy with it. It felt really hot kasi to wear jeans underneath it. So I wore shorts. Hindi lang talaga halata shorts ko. Sometimes nga I would even like to look at those girls staring at me and shout out loud "Oh!. May shorts ako noh!" and then lift up my blouse while shouting it. haha. I know it's a really weird thought. But, hell, na consious ako eh. My mom just kept on telling me that "Maganda yung legs mo, mga inggit lang yung mga yun". Medyo na lift naman yung spirits ko non. haha. Anyway below is a pic of my outfit. Just to show that it wasn't that revealing. haha. Justification lang. Oo na, pacute ako sa picture:))

Beautiful Dirty Rich

I really need to control my spending habits. Well, last week when Lulu and I went to greenhills, we basically went shopping I already spent 400 that time on some cute shoes that were on sale on a stall we saw in greenhills which was entitled ichigo. Below are the pictures:
Then this today, I went out to greenhills again with Lulu and this time with Jean. Damn, we passed by the ichigo stall over at theatre mall, and well I couldn't resist. I bought the heels that I was eyeing on on their website. They were effing cute kasi eh. I do it in the name of fashion. haha! I couldn't resist. They were 800 pesos.:



So now, I've spent a total of 1,200 on shoes alone. My gosh, I really need to control my spending habits. I need to learn to save better since I'm gonna start college soon. If I don't learn how to spend wisely I'm going to have money problems. That's why I pray that I learn not to spend too much. Or else.........

But hell, aren't the shoes hella cute?. haha!

Stop and Stare

Lyrics | OneRepublic Lyrics | Stop & Stare Lyrics

OneRepublic - Stop & Stare - OneRepublic


For some people who are clearly updated with music, you must be familiar with lyrics of the song above. For those who aren't, it's "Stop and Stare" by One Republic. Listen to it if you're not sure about the song. I'm not necessarily sure about what kind of meaning the writer is trying to send out to the listeners. But in my opinion, I think what he/she is trying to say is that, we often compare ourselves to others. Especially when they have things that we want. It brings out the worst in us, aka our inner-demon. We often think that "I'm just getting even, there's nothing bad about that right?". Well, we may actually be wrong on so many levels.

The question of what's right and wrong comes into mind. Sometimes, getting even is not exactly the best answer to our problems. And even our way of getting things all fair is not really good and well. Right when our conscience tells us to stop, we just go on, as if we're no human being, like a villain with a heart of stone.

I'll admit that I've done things that I'm not exactly proud of, regarding the "getting even" issue. I regret that. I can never really be sure if I can take them back though.

*credits to my friend Mica for the idea of adding songs to blogs. ILY bitch:)

Mercy(Taking Things In Moderation)

I don't know why, but I feel confused. When in fact, there's nothing to be confused about. See, that's what makes me an even more confused and confusing person. It's just that constantly observing others as a bystander in certain "messy" situations, may often even put you into the middle of that "mess". I'm not saying that I'm trying to fix a problem. It's just that, most of the time when we "observe", it's not just observing, it's almost like we're toying with emotions. Well, most people just don't give a damn about feelings. It's scary how most people end up that way. Sometimes we don;t even realize that what we're doing is wrong. Only when it all comes to an end, then we regret every mistake we've done.

We were created out of love and that's how we do it all. It makes me feel so lost in translation that I don't even know if some of the things I've been doing have been justifiable, maybe in certain means they have been. But mostly I'm thinking that they weren't. It leaves me with this feeling of uncertainty, like there's a blackhole somewhere inside of you and you're not sure where it is or how you're going to fill that hole up.

Maybe this feeling is just something that comes from me being scared and being unsure of what I want in life. Well, I know I'm not alone on this. I can honestly say that I don't know where I'll head to in my life or what I want to do after I graduate college. I mean c'mon which incoming college freshman knows where they're heading to huh? Well if there is one who knows call me and let me now aight? I'd love to hear from him/her.

I guess that probably right now the answer is to just keep my head high and feel more confident. After all the start of college is not so far. I need to be more outgoing and sociable. Hell, I don't want to be a loner for the rest of my school life. I really need to let go and take things in moderation. I'll just toughen up and be more like me.

This I Promise You

Ever since the rain started today, I just couldn't stop listening to the song Chasing Pavements by Adele. I think the song has a really deep meaning. It's a cool song to listen to when it's raining outside or maybe when you're feeling all sentimental inside then it would work out for some I guess. It just paved way for me to think, we really do actually chose to move on even though we have no idea where the hell we're going to end up. Living in this world is more like an adventure and well let's just say that choices may come in the smallest of care packages or through just one text message or phone call from anyone.

Right now I've got my headphones plugged in to my computer speakers, one of the reasons is because my dad is watching this concert on dvd and this is also to minimize the noise pollution in this place. And it just so happens that I'm listening to Chasing Pavements.

I feel all emo inside. Ugh. I can't believe this. It's just that alot of confusing things have been going on. It really makes me think alot. Being alone makes me think about things that could be, should be, should've been or what shouldn't be. That's why I constantly rely on gimmicks with my friends, which of course brings me comfort. It really keeps me from those "thoughts".

Now the song's switched to Gentlemen Don't by Gabe Bondoc. For those who don't know him he's this guy on youtube who has an absolutely amazing voice. I found out about him cause of Jino. haha. Anyway, I miss writing songs. The last song I wrote was for the gratitude song for our graduation. I used to write songs almost every week. But why does it feel like I've got writers block when it comes to songs. I must still me looking for that sole inspiration for writing again. I used to practically write about anything. Hell, I even wrote a song once about someone who I really hated. haha. I'm hoping that my writing songs thing will come back. I'm praying that an inspiration will come really really soon. Til then, I guess I'm just going to have to keep on blogging out my emotions.

Breakeven

Crap. I know, what an interesting first word to start out my blog right?. My gosh. I can't believe this kasi. Today as I was checking out all of my internet accounts. I of course opened my friendster account. Yes I still have that. haha. Anyway, as I was checking out the comments and the latest comment was from my very good friend Kara, which says:

hey smexi patsy!:)))

i miss you na!!! uiiiii hndi na ako uste! :(((
i cant hug u na!!! bcczdcbdcbs txttxt nlng.. wish us both luck! :> imy!!

After reading the comment, my gosh, parang biglaan akong nalungkot. Ewan ko kung bakit. Kasi parang as in miss ko na talaga si Kara and then parang I felt alone all over again. Kasi this time I can say that I know completely no one from my course. This is a total OMG moment for me. (that sounds so gay). haha. Yet again, I am even more scared. But hence I really will prepare myself for college. I realize even more that I need to socialize and me open to change. Most especially if change comes in a whirlwind. Scaaaaarrryyy. haha. After all this is what life is, it's full of suprises.

But don't get me wrong. Kara I love you girl. I know na UP ka na right?. You deserve to be there. Ang galing mo kasing mag drawing. You truly are talented. Kudos to you my friend. I really do wish us the best of luck my hot and sexy friend. Again I love you and I miss you like hell Kara!

Gentlemen Don't

While I was putting my itunes today on shuffle, I noticed na there were some songs that I know I never really put in my computer. Kasi nagka virus yung computer namin mga last month ata, basta mga early this year. Tapos siguro napasok ng nag aayos yung mga songs na hindi ko alam kung pano nakapasok sa computer namin. haha.

Like for example "We Belong" by Toni Gonzaga. Grabe talaga. Tapos and dami pang Akon. Hindi pa yun yung pinaka grabe na artist ah. Yung pinaka bongga na artist sila Regine Velasquez and Jose Mari Chan. Natatawa na lang ako pag biglang naririnig ko yung mga kanta nila habang nakikipag chat ako or nag lalaro ng games. It's not that I think that they're baduy artists ah. It's just that hindi ako fan. haha.

Kaya I still wonder kung bakit I never thought of deleting those songs. I only realized it today. I must be lame myself:))))))))