Sunday, November 15, 2009

What Is It With You?


That's the Tagalog word for paranoid. I feel a certain height of paranoia right now. And every kind of paranoia isn't exactly good. It's because I really want to see this friend of mine. Well we had a thing in the past. I just really miss hanging out with him ever since he left for the States.

It's been 2 years and still, I'm left here, hanging on to every word he has told me. I don't know why but he has always made me feel special even after what he did to me in the past. I feel all screwed up and I'm not really even sure if I'm thinking straight. Usually when someone does something really really bad to me I hate them for a long time. It would take ALOT for me to forgive them. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, it's like I forget, I forget about what he did to me and think that he has done so many good things for me and that shouldn't make all the bad stuff over weigh the good.

I know that I am absolutely stupid to be this way, but I just really want to get over him. It's been 3 years now and still nothing. People tell me that there are guys who are lining up there for me, but why don't I believe them?. Why don't I care?. It's almost like the only person who I want is him. But he hurt me, he made me scared to love again. Every time guys tell me I'm beautiful or pretty, I just brush them off. I guess it's because I think that I'm not pretty. The last guy who made me believe I was pretty broke me and made me think that the girl he traded me up for was prettier, smarter and much more better than me. I sometimes feel insecure because of him.

Which makes me feel confused about him. I really want closure on this subject and I don't know how this will really all come to an end.


  1. oh patootsy... i know im not the person who can give you advice on romance.. but..

    I have always believed in the saying..
    "Follow your heart"

    right now.. I'm just waiting for the right time to finally put an end to my problem..
    I hope you can find the solution to yours..

    Just try to be happy by following your heart without hurting others.. (^_^)

  2. i'm thinking about that too sweetie. but, sometimes there are times that you actually need to tell yourself to stop because you know that it can't happen anymore, and that's what hurts the most.

    and there's a line that i think would strike the both of us. it goes like this "my only fear, my only hope is letting go"

    we need to remember that this is just love and nothing more. we still have friends there with us no matter what:)