Being in love is not always a choice, sometimes it just happens. Which for me, really is one of the most scary and unpredictable part of life. Having the feeling of love may take you to as high as the heavens. But it could also bring you to incomprehensible depths that you've never thought you'd reach.
I can honestly say that I've been in both of those situations. Having loved someone as more than a friend. Thinking of him has always made me wonder of what could be. How it would feel to hold his hand, to actually go out on a date with him and to even kiss him. I know it may seem weird. I bet you're thinking that I got into a relationship with a guy who I don't even know or haven't even met in the first place. Well, let me tell you now that that thought's wrong. I know how to love and when I fell in love with him, I knew in my heart that there was something with him that me feel all special inside and out. Don't be quick to judge. After all you may not know me that well.
The reason why I wonder is because, he left when we were still together. Now don't jump into conclusions and say that he left without telling me. Well he did tell me and we both never thought that he was leaving for good. But then, that unfortunate surprise hit us like thunder. He was not to come back. In spite of that we still stayed together. I don't know why I agreed. But I guess that's what my mind and my heart told me. I was scared but still certain at the same time.
That's what love is, it makes you feel all kinds of feelings. It could make you all loony at one point and sane in another point. It's this trip that most people think they know what they're in for, but truth is they're not. So expect the unexpected.
Now, he and I aren't together anymore. I thought that I could forget him. It's been so long and still, I'm not certain if that love hasn't changed. I think the feelings are coming back. But I really can't say for sure.
Even through all the pain he's caused me, I don't know why I even concentrate on all the joy he's brought me. Maybe it's because I believed in the saying that "All the happy memories over weigh all the bad ones". That was just who I am. No matter what others said to me I still had the heart and mind to forgive. I forgive out of love.
I may sound all mushy now, but hell, that's who I am. This is how I let out my thoughts. Leaving them for everyone to see. Because every word makes me let go and feel more free of the thoughts that hold me back.
Right now, I feel more confused and I really want things to be all straightened out. What I think I have to do now is wait, because time is most precious right now. And as I wait for time to pass by, I'll certainly think more of what I feel. Hopefully I can get it all out of my system.