What have I been up to?

I haven't blogged in about a week now, I just haven't had time. Finally the prelims are over and I can semi-relax. So far I haven't failed any prelim exam, just waiting for the Algebra exam results and praying that I get a passing grade. And semi-relax because ever since summer school started I've been studying non-stop, I've studied more than I did during the whole 2 semesters of my regular classes. No I wasn't a bum, I only studied when there would be a quiz or a graded recitation, these days since summer classes are obviously short, professors tend to make their lectures faster. So almost every day I have a quiz in one or two subjects and I have 3 subjects a day. Ugh, after this i need to study about South and West Asia for our geography class which is at 7 in the morning. BUMMER. I move so slow in the morning, I wake up at 4 leave the house at around 5:30 if I'm feeling active but then if I'm too butt ass lazy I'll leave at around 6 and get to school at around 6:30.

Well my tattoo's gone, alot of people at school noticed it and asked if it was real. haha. I wish. I would really want to get a real one at the right time, I feel like I need more depth in my life before I actually get a tattoo.

Last weekend my family and I went up to the chilly city of Tagaytay to somewhat get away from the insanity that is Manila. I will post pictures, once I have the time. Right now I'm doing our report which is due on the 17th, yes I'm doing it in advance because I'm stalling myself from studying for tomorrow's quiz. LOL

Panic Attack

Honestly I'm really sleepy and I want to sleep, but I can't cause I'm effing nervous about my grades.

I mean I've done my best, but will my professors think it's enough. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Slowly, breathe, breathe. This whole week I keep on saying to myself "Wala akong bagsak". Because I can't afford another 5 in my card. If I get 3 more I will be debared from UST. I CAN'T TAKE THAT.


I seriously pray that I won't get another 5. I worked my ass off, most especially since I got the chicken pox and missed about 2 whole weeks of school. I've been praying non stop and I've been hoping for even just a 3 on my stat subject. I swear that a 5 free card would make my day and it would also give me the privilege to be allowed by my parents to go out and be a bit of a screw up before summer classes start.

Lord please please please, don't let me have any failing remarks. I hope you understand how much I worked. If I do have a failing remark maybe, just maybe the Lord has something else planned for me. But I really do hope I have no 5's please please.

I know that most people wouldn't obsess over grades but you seriously don't know how I was raised, when I got a line of 7 in my report card when I was in the 6th grade I balled like a little baby, yes, that's how ignorant I felt. I really pushed for my grade to become an 80 and it did, ever since then I really did try my best in academics.

Grades will be released online in a few hours. Pray for me please. For the meanwhile I will remain positive and say "I PASSED EVERYTHING. I PASSED EVERYTHING."

English Speech

Wooh!. I'm finally done writing it down. The topic I chose was student vices, a topic I know too well. haha. The only thing left is to deliver it. I will be one of the last people to deliver and I pray to God that I do well since this is already for my final. Tell me what you guys think of it, honestly. haha:

Has anyone here smoked maybe about a pack a day or drank so much alcohol that they would have a terrible hangover the next day that would make you say “I will never ever drink again”, or even dare I say it, taken some weed just to make you feel  like you’re floating on air?. I know that there are some who won’t really admit to any of the vices that I just mentioned, but well these are just some examples of what students try to preoccupy themselves with during times of complete stress. We’re bombarded with school work for about 5 times a week and somehow the weekend isn’t really enjoyable because of the tons of work we’re expected to finish. Maybe this is just how we enjoy. What is college without fun right?. I know some people who are either really brave or really stupid enough to come to class either drunk or stoned. Either way it would make for an interesting story. Left and right you would somehow hear people tell stories about this crazy party they went to about a week ago or about the reason they cut class the other day. This is reality, this is college. And like it or not we need to face this reality.

According to a study done in Harvard University in the year 2008, about half of all college binge drinkers are binge drinkers even before they get to college, in this case binge drinking means consuming about five or more alcoholic drinks in a row on a single occasion, and what they found more alarming is that an equal number of students pick up binge drinking behavior in college. They also say that student affiliations and their surrounding environments determine that kind of behavior, which I believe are reasonable determinants for not only the vice of drinking but also all student vices. Of course over at the gate in Dapitan there would be the occasional taho vendor or the cotton candy vendor, but then in practically every exit gate of this university there are vendors who sell cigarettes by the pack or by the stick, whatsoever the students would choose.  Student vices  affects our academic performances, they say that students grades slump more because of this, I believe otherwise, I think it all depends in the student and how much they would actually want to progress in life.

In any college or university you attend you can never really escape committing vices. They will always be part of you. There will always that particular group of friends that’s going to ask you to go out drinking with them or cut class because your professor doesn’t check the attendance anyway. Vices somewhat consume us. It may be sad to say that they may get the best of us. When it all comes down to it, will we let our vices dictate our future or will we be the ones to take control of them?

I know this isn't really a flattering photo of me drinking. haha. Atleast I don't shy away from the fact that I actually have a lot of vices, which I hope doesn't affect me so much as a student. I love to enjoy, whatevs. haha

Stress is the word

I've been effing lazy for 2 weeks now. I haven't been that productive in school and I'm starting to think that I'll be failing statistics.

Lately I haven't gone online, well ok I have but the internet connections been whack, so my mom had to nag smart bro to get this whole shiz fixed. Now I'm sleepy, so I'm cranky. My dad just nagged and told me that someone should be answering the phone. I was pretty upset cause I was watching this whole movie for my RC subject and I couldn't get to the phone and the fact that there are about 5 more people in this house made me think that they could get it insted and well the phone wasn't beside me. This evening was the 2nd time I answered my dad in an angry tone. I predict that when my dad gets home he'll sermon me.

Ugh. That's why right after I make this blogpost I'll go to bed, even though I still have shitloads to do.

I have a 5 page paper due in 3 weeks for RC, a speech that I seriously have no topic for for my English final, a commercial for Theology and a newspaper for my major subject.

I FEEL LIKE DYING. Help me think of a topic for my English speech please. These are topics I've thought about: Libyan uprising, student vices, EDSA 25 years after.

To top it all off, I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK. I can't think of anything creative to put into words. This blogpost doesn't count. haha

Oh dear God help me.

What the Pox?!

Today I found out that I've got chickenpox. Greeeaaaatt. I'm about to miss the last 2 weeks of classes for this year. Whoopde-doo. Notice my enthusiasm, which is dabbed with complete sarcasm by the way.

When I woke up last Sunday I had a nightmare that I was crying cause I missed alot of my classes. Never thought it would actually come true. Being absent in college sucks. In college it's every man or in my case every woman for herself. And to add to that I'm an irregular cause I shifter courses, so I don't have a permanent section. I mean I have friends in almost all my classes except Bio and English. Don't get me wrong I mean the sections I'm taking those classes in are friendly but I haven't really quite gotten any friends there that would help me if I missed any classes. And then I also have this subject which is Rizal course, my professor there used to by professor in Asian Civ last semester, with him you get an incentive in your grade if you come to his class every meeting. I got an incentive last semester, so much for an incentive this semester. Oh yeah and we also have this quiz for RC next Monday, still figuring out how I'm going to get to take that quiz.

Anyway, last Sunday morning I woke up with these bloches all over my face, I thought they were just pimples, but then they started spreading all over my body. So I went to a nearby clinic and I feared that it was chickenpox, but the doctor told me it wasn't. He told me it was just some skin allergies. Then he told me I could go to school the next day. So I did. My friend put her arm around mine. Uh-oh. I hope she's up to date with her shots or that she's already had chickenpox.

I doubted the doctor's diagnosis, so I decided not to go to school today and have another check up. When I woke up this morning I felt worse, my head started to ache, I got a sore throat, the bloches started looking even gross and I started getting one of the roof of my mouth. Looks like the medications the 1st doctor gave me aren't working. My mom went out on a business trip so I practically begged my dad to take me to the hospital, I was supposed to go alone but I hated people staring at me ever since that accident I had in the 2nd grade, when people stare at me I can't help but feel all worried. Well my dad is really busy so him taking me to the hospital really helped me alot. When we got to the dermatologist she was with another patient, so she let us sit down and wait for about 5-10 mins. She was this old lady but very nice and heavily adorned with jewelry that I'm sure would've cost more than tuition fee. haha. Anyway she asked what my problem was and she took one look at me and told me it was chickenpox. She was pretty flabbergasted that the 1st doctor never thought it was chickenpox when the way I appeared you could easily tell I had chicken pox. She told me I couldn't go to school for 2 weeks ans she wrote me and excuse note. I was tearing up in her office cause I couldn't miss 2 weeks os school, but I had no choice, I couldn't infect other people with what I had.

As my dad and I went home he told me he would talk to my college's dean and see what he could do about my situation. My dad called UST and they asked him to write a letter and attach the doctor's certificate to it. See that's how much my dad loves me, he drove all the way from here to UST just for me. And let me tell you that I leave really far away from UST, like an hour away if you drive it. I hope my professors would really be considerate and send me assignments or something. It is after all the Christmas season. Ho-ho-ho

Well this is it for me, I figured that I shouldn't be moping around cause it won't get me anywhere. I'm still praying that my professors won't condemn me for being absent for the last 2 weeks of school for the year. haha. Well here is a smile from me to you.

I plan to have a Harry Potter marathon tomorrow if I'm feeling better. haha. I have nothing else to do. After all my mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me to not feel stressed. I CAN GET OVER THIS!:)

Urgh....

I get sudden hits of depression sometimes. I know, weird. I just get all fvcking sad and get all emo. It's not like I'm bipolar or anything. It's just that my mood swings are pretty freaky. I think I'm depressed now cause tomorrow's a Thursday. I don't know anyone from my Thursday classes.

AS IN 0. ZILCH

People keep on staring at me. It's awkward. I hate people staring at me. Especially if I don't know them. I know that my look doesn't really give of "Ms. Friendly". Even my good friends say that their first impression of me was stand-offish. For short I kinda look like a bitch. Which I admit doesn't really win over alot of friends at first. Which is why some people seek my friends opinions on who I really am. I'm one of the nicest and friendliest people that you will ever meet. I swear. I guess I give off a tough exterior cause of the pain I've felt my whole life.

I MUST REMIND MYSELF TO....

People say I have a really nice smile. I smile alot. But only when I'm with my friends and family.But nonetheless, I must stay positive!. Must continue to be optimistic!. Must not let these things get in the way. Must read my assignment for tomorrow's bio class!

Ooh College..

The 1st week of classes was crazy and stressful. In my MWF classes I know at least 3 people in each of my classes. But when it came to my TTh classes I only knew like 2 people and that's only in one class. It's hard to feel lonely when you're in a room with a bunch of people who know each other. And with my Journalism lanyard I stick out like a sore thumb all cause I only have one class in a Journalism section. I vow to make friends in my TTh classes so that I wouldn't feel awkward this whole semester.

Assignments for the weekend: My RC(Rizal Course) professor gave us some books to read on for the weekend. Tried searching for them in the library after my class last Friday, no luck. Someone must've checked them out. I decided to try and look for them at National Bookstore, though I'd but them instead. Only found one of the books. Still reading it, page 1-20. Pretty interesting book, but I find it long and winding.

Then we have this assignment for Computer class. Search for some abbreviated words.

I'm already on my 2nd year of college and I, like all people are having a hard time. This is only my 1st week and I feel so stressed out. The sched I made would slowly kill me. No breaks on MWF. Though I made a 3 hr break for myself in my TTh sched. Hoping that everything would work out alright this semester.

Good thing I'll get to see my high school friends tomorrow. I'm sure that'll cheer me up:)

Why Did I Shift

"Are you sure?"

I have been thrown that question today for a number of times. And every time I would be asked that question, I felt like I was in a game show,being asked by the host if I am absolutely positive about my answer, and well, I would answer yes. I got pretty sick of all the sermons by some of the profs in my college. I somehow felt glad that my blockmates respected my decision, and they're question would be "Why?".

My answer, I chose to shift to another course because I felt that I didn't belong to the world of drawing. I know that this sounds stupid but, during the enrollment I thought that I could see myself having a job after graduation, but sadly, as days progressed in my world of fine arts, I felt like I lost myself, there was this longing inside of me to want to write things, and it took months until I could write a song again. After finishing that song I felt so relieved and I have to admit that I missed writing. I guess that I don't get the same high from holding a pencil and a sketch pad. I feel more like myself when I express myself through writing. I do know that I was stunned to find out that I knew how to draw, and I didn't suck at it that much as I expected.

Then I truly know in my heart and mind that I'm not cut out for the world of fine arts. I love all kinds of art. I am an artist, but I may not be the artist that draws, I see myself as an artist of words. I easily get satisfaction after writing an unbelievably long essay. I have discovered my passion and it is writing, I'm just glad that it didn't take me that long to find it out.

The shifting part isn't exactly my cup of tea. It's very stressful and tiring. But there is a part of that doesn't care, because I'm doing something that I believe is right for me. The stress will all be worth it once I get into the course I have shifted in and of course once I graduate. I still have 3 years to go. Wish me luck and pray for me:)

Saggy Eyes=Stressed Patsy

I have never felt this tired like, ever. College is honestly stressing me out. I really feel my eye bags bringing my eyes down. Even my parents noticed. It's actually all written on my face. The stress is basically seen on my face.

It really is true that the people in our building are the ones who never sleep. We stay up all night just to finish our plates. 'Cause of that I honestly look like one of the zombies in the thriller MV. Make-up has become one of my best friends now, due to the stress that is written on my face.

My friends tell me to rest, so I'm resting now. I don't know if my shock is from culture shock or I really am just not good at handling my time. I don't know, either way, I still look like this:



That's what doing plates 24/7 does to you. It makes you feel so crazy that you don't know how to let it all out. Well, I have to bid farewell for now, I have a theology paper to write. Yaaaaaaay:|

Philippine Wipe Out

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

I'm At A Confused State Right Now:|

When I arrived at the grocery to meet up with my dad last Thursday. He immediately opened up the topic about my course. He asked me if I really do want my course. My answer?. Well, I just raised my shoulders in an "I don't know manner", because I'm not really sure if this is what I want.

I guess I do miss writing, A LOT. It's been a big part of me after all. Maybe that's what I want to do, write. Then, I was thinking about shifting and all the troubles it would cause me and other people. But, is it all really worth the stress?

Hell, I don't know, I'm still confused about what I want. After all not everyone knows what they want. Every single decision we make as humans could be critical to the survival of one. I may be getting a bit carried away here, but hey, it could happen, we never know right?.

You must be thinking that maybe the smell of the paints I've been using lately have gone to my head, you may be wrong or you could even be right. I believe that I'm not thinking straight these days. My mind has been on a constant loop. Maybe it just needs time to reset itself, hmm, I don't know.

My First Day Sucked. How About Yours?

Today was my day to say so long to summer and hello to college. My class today was supposed to start at 10. So I got to UST at around 9:30. When it was about to become 10 I went to my bldg and that was the only time that I found out that all of the bldgs were to open at 1.

So I waited in front of the UST hospital for about an hour til Frances came and thank God she came. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It felt so emo. haha. Anyway when it was about to become 1pm Frances went inside her bldg and again I was left alone to wait all by my lonesome since my class wasn't until 2.

Then as it was quarter to 2 I went inside my bldg and searched for my room. There I found soooo many people waiting for their classes to start. Soon, I turned into one of those people. After maybe about 15-20 mins of waiting outside or so, an upper class men told us froshies that our room wasn't there pa daw. There I met Aishia. She was the first person to talk to me. So we went to the deans office and asked what was up with the hold up. They told us that our class was in the engineering bldg at the same room number. So Aishia and I went there together.

When we got to the room we sat down and waited and waited and waited, still no prof. It was about an hour til one of the sections also from adver knocked on our door and told us that they heard that if the prof doesn't show up in an hour you should either head home or just plain leave.

So I was one of those first people to walk out that room and decide to go home. Hell, I was tired, thirsty and sleepy. To top it all off I didn't get anything from the day. The only positive thing that came out was meeting a new friend and seeing my old ones.

So that's my first day. It sucked ass. Hopefully it won't suck tom. Praying that it'll be a productive and fun-filled day tom. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

Nothing Is Ever Set In Stone

Summer's about to come to it's close. To be honest, I am soooo not ready to say goodbye to summer. Well no one is. Not unless you're that psyched up for school. To tell you now, I'm have half-half feelings regarding school. Most especially now that I'm an incoming college freshie.

First I want to go to school because finally I have something to do, after 2 months of lounging around. haha. Basically the reasons that I'm excited and nervous are all the same. I'm mostly nervous because I haven't made any new friends in UST and that makes me hella scared. Even though my friends constantly remind me that I'm friendly and that I can make friends easily. I'm still not calmed down by their words of wisdom and comfort.

It's the 1sy day of kindergarten all over again. Almost everything is new. Except for our sheer enthusiasm to learn. Yay?. haha. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hell I'm not going to be a wuss most especially now that I'm going into college.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now. Constant running of thoughts, of people, of things, of events, etc. I don't know why but when someone close to me is sad I suddenly empathize with them. I have no idea why. Like when I was a little girl if my sister would cry, my eyes would suddenly get all teary. Maybe I really don't have a heart of stone. haha. Well Nadine and Jean know about how I'm feeling. They were the ones who I was talking to about the thing last night or this morning.

Everything that happens comes as such a surprise. We feel that we've braced ourselves for the worst, but when it comes it turns out we're not as ready as we thought we were. Nothing is permanent. Not unless you're that dedicated to make it set in stone and not let anything or anyone get in your way to ruin it.

The Rain and The Virus are Starting to Get Me

It's been raining like crazy for the past week now. I'm not really a big fan of it as to say. During my elementary and high school days I used to be so ecstatic when they'd say that classes on all levels would be suspended. Cause that would mean a day of rest and nothing to do.

Well now that I'm about to start college in UST. I officially hate the rain. haha. Everyone knows that when it rains like crazy, it causes a crazy flood over at Espana. It's almost like an extension of the Ganges river. haha. Yes I am going overboard again. But my tita who studies there told me that when the rain dies down the "river" resceeds. So goodluck to everyone when the rainy season comes. Well the rainy season has already come. sooooo

Anyway, the opening of classes in UST have been moved to the 15th. Mainly due to the a(h1n1) virus reaching DLSU. To be honest it even freaks me out. My mom's office is being really really precautionary about the whole outbreak. This whole epidemic is practially driving eveyone insane. I'm so scared about it I was even thinking about not going out for almost a whole week. But hell, I know that's not going to stop the outbreak. That's why frok now on I'm going to bring hand sanitizer or alcohol anywhere I go. Yes, I may sound paranoid. Well I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm getting all O.C once again. This is all just crazy if you ask me.