Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Those "Heart Attacks"

You know those times when you feel like you're having a heart attack when you worry about things that really matter to you. Well, I've been having that this whole month. It's because I'm stressing out about my shifting.

You see I'm not 100% sure that I'm a total shoe in for the course. I love writing and all. It's just that, this is college, everything is so uncertain. I laugh most of the time. I do it just to hide what I'm really feeling inside. I mask my fear.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my future will be uncertain. That all my hard work this 2nd sem will all be put to waste. I'm the kind of person that's all optimistic most of the time. But this time, when my chances are pretty bleak, I just lose all hope. I'm starting to see life as how most people see it. A much more cruel way of torture.

Why air my thoughts publicly?. I don't know. I just can't take it anymore. Keeping emotions bottled up inside you, is not a very good habit. I cry alot. Which hasn't happened to me in a long time. I just pray that all will go well.

I pray that I pass all my subjects. THAT INCLUDES PE. That a slot will be open for me. That the dean of the college of arts and letters accepts my desire to shift. That if he accepts, that I pass the entrance exam.

I know that I'm asking for a lot. It's just that I have these "heart attacks" usually when it comes to academics. I worry about this because my education means so much to me. And well frankly, this also is connected to my future. Which scares me.

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