I flunked a subject:|

Last Monday Aie called me from UST to tell me that I flunked my VP class, VP stands for visual perception. I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry, but I was too shy since I was with my guy friends whom I haven't seen for the longest time. They comforted me and well, I got tipsy from drinking, I guess I let out my frustrations on drinking. I was too carried away by my emotions. I don't regret what i did then, it's just that emotions are a very powerful thing.

It's Wednesday today and still, I haven't told my parents of my flunked subject. I'm too scared, I don't know what to do. This is the first time that I have ever failed a subject. It isn't really easy thinking of ways to tell your parents that you flunked a subject in college. Well, I'm praying that my parents will understand that I'm not really cut out for the world of advertising arts. I have told them of my idea of shifting and they approved. My parents love me so much that's why they let me choose what I want in my life. I love them just as much, that's why it's so tough to tell them of my flunk. I mean what exactly is the best way to tell your parents that you bombed a subject?

I also thank all of my friends who reassure me that everything will be alright. I love you all so so much. Thank you very much for comforting me when I need it the most. You know who you guys are. So thank you:)

Now, My hands are trembling, I feel really cold, tears are rolling down my face. I'm scared. Scared of what my parents will think or say. I haven't been this nervous to tell my parents about something I did ever since I was in the 4th grade. Every one knows I give my best in every thing I do, I just pray that my parents know that too. Wish me luck and may God bless me.

You Make Me Love You

Made another song, I don't know why I keep on writing love songs when I'm not even romantically involved with someone. I guess I'm just imagining the feeling of loving someone. Well, this is for all those love sick people our there:)

I'll call the whole world
Just to let you know
How sincere I am with you
I don't need anyone else with me
Except you, the person who completes me

There's something about you
That get's me so into you
As if no one else exists
Which only leaves you and me
Staring into each others soul

You bring out another side of me
A side no one but you has ever seen
I promised to take care of you
No matter how hard it may seem

I love you with every bit of me
I surrender myself to you
Because I believe that
You're the only one who will never hurt me

Love

Right now, I feel bad, but I didn't do anything bad at all. It hurts to think that when you've discovered something new, it's almost like a must to let another good thing go in your life. It makes you realize that love is a give and take situation. You can never just keep on taking, you also have to give in order for you to last as long as you know you will. AS I've grown up, I've seen and had friends who've come and gone. That's why I've learned that in every relationship, it's important to have trust, whether in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, or even friendships. For without trust, you will go on in your life always worrying and asking things that aren't even needed to be asked about.


I believe that nothing is more complicated than love. It's one thing in this world that we all try to figure out, but only very few actually understand it. They say that love is so blind that it can make you do crazy things. In my perspective, I don't call that love, love is true, love doesn't judge, love is simple once you find it. With love, most people realize what's been there all along, but then, with love, you're ready to let go when needed and just stay in the backseat, wishing that that was you sitting on that passenger's seat.

Jimmy Eat World - Kill Mp3

First Impressions Last

I suddenly got all lethargic and remembered my memorable first impressions on some of my friends. And trust me, they're not really pretty. If you're here on this blog post then my first impression of you is that memorable to me. haha. Let me remind my friends that I love each and every one of them and that every word that I am about to type is done purely out of my love for you. I love you guys, please don't kill me:))



First off I have Luisa Luz Estanislao Eastlaw. I met her when we were about in the 3rd grade. I was asked by our adviser to switch seats with her seatmate. When I was a kid I often never cared about other people's names, not unless they became my classmates. Well, in the 3rd grade it was the 1st time that I ever became classmates with Lulu. When I became her seatmate, of course I had to remember her name, so in an effort to gain her trust, I talked to her. But then, little old me couldn't remember her name. So I noticed that almost all of Lulu's things had tags on them. So every time I wanted to call her I would look first at her things, then I'd talk to her. It probably took me a week to memorize her name. I thought of Luisa as very innocent. Oh timo Lulu, akala ko innocent ka. haha!. Then the rest was as they say, HISTORY.:)




Next off I have Micaela Bettina Profeta. She is one of my most beloved friends. I swear that I love her so so much. Well, I met Mica when we were in the 6th grade. We were made into seatmates. At the same time we were in the same group for school projects. When I found out that we were groupmates, I swear I got soooo pissed off, to be honest I didn't like Mica and I didn't know why. Well, at first actually Mica and I hated each other's guts. But when we became seatmates, well, everyone who knows us would know that Mica and I love to make kwento, as in ALOT, so we got to talk to each other then, we learned that we had soooo much in common. Then there. ILY and IMY Micaela!:)



Then there's Ma. Angelica Marcelino. I only knew that Angelica existed when we were in the 5th grade and she ran for student body president. Well, with me being a typical girl and being friends with her opponent Diana Pacapac. Well of course I was rooting for Diana, but Angelica won. So I didn't like her for that, yuck I was sooo immature back then. haha. Then when we became classmates in the 1st year of high school we started talking to each other more and we became really good friends. Even our moms are friends;))



Si Pauline May Isip. Haaay Pauline. When I got to know Pauline in grade school to be honest I thought she was weird. No offense Pauline. ILY naman eh. haha!. Kasi nung time na yun you like had an imaginary friend and we were in the 5th grade then so imaginary friends weren't exactly the most hip and happening thing to ever happen. haha. But then nung high school, when we became classmates and soon seatmates, I learned to like your weird personality. Dude you rock for that. You're never boring to hang around with. haha. And I could have gotten a bit of my craziness from you. Anyway ILY Pauline:))




Next is Eddduuuuuu, the boy I call mah Squishy:)). I first met him a McDo. Then we went to this KTV, uhh, my 1st impression was, gosh your loud. haha!. I just got shocked by your personality that's all, super out there ka kasi eh. You like kept on shouting at my cousin and all that. But ever since we actually started to talk to each other, my view changed, makakarelate din pala tayo sa isa't isa. haha. Then now we're super friends!:))



Soooo, Vincent Valwin Danao, btw I never get to ask you why Valwin?. Curious lang ako. haha!. Anyway, I met Dani when I was in the 2nd year of high school, well halos acquaintance lang kami dalawa. haha. Anyway, I saw him again the same time I first met Edu. Actually you didn't talk to any of the girls that's why I thought that we would never be friends. . haha. I felt talaga that we wouldn't get to be friends. Natakot ako sa inyong lahat sa barkada, IDK why, siguro nga dahil ang tatangkad ninyong lahat, nanliit ako. haha!. Tsaka maybe it was because of like, you different personalities. But hell, your personlities made you guys fun to be with. Well then through time, naging close din tayo Dani!. haha. Cool right?. Anyway Hi best friend!>:D<



Last is Ram, akala ko tahimik ka din. haha. Believe me or not, kala ko pa nga innocent ka eh, innocent nga ba?:>, haha!. Anyway, well, actually, I never thought that I would be friend with any of you, di kasi tayo nag uusap, but oh well, things change right?. Pero loko ka pala, saya mo din kasama like yer other kabarkada's. Thanks nga pala Ram sa pagtago ng mga alam mo na:)))))

So there you go, these were my first impressions regarding these friends of mine. Well I guess because of them, I learned that first impressions aren't exactly what makes the person, but the kind of person they are when you actually get to know them after that first impression step. And I love all of my friends for that!:)

Saggy Eyes=Stressed Patsy

I have never felt this tired like, ever. College is honestly stressing me out. I really feel my eye bags bringing my eyes down. Even my parents noticed. It's actually all written on my face. The stress is basically seen on my face.

It really is true that the people in our building are the ones who never sleep. We stay up all night just to finish our plates. 'Cause of that I honestly look like one of the zombies in the thriller MV. Make-up has become one of my best friends now, due to the stress that is written on my face.

My friends tell me to rest, so I'm resting now. I don't know if my shock is from culture shock or I really am just not good at handling my time. I don't know, either way, I still look like this:



That's what doing plates 24/7 does to you. It makes you feel so crazy that you don't know how to let it all out. Well, I have to bid farewell for now, I have a theology paper to write. Yaaaaaaay:|

Loser Patsy:))

I was going through some of my old things until I stumped over one of my old notebooks. My aunt gave it to me as a christmas present, waay back when I was I think in the 3rd or 2nd grade. It was almost like my diary. This was where I put in my random thoughts. I felt free writing in it. I loved writing in it since the paper was black and I wrote in it with colored metallic pens.

As I was scanning through the pages, I read A LOT of loser-ish things. There was even a story on how godzilla met barbie. Talk about sabaw. LOL. Until I saw this "The If Page". IT was filled whith a bunch of if questions. Here's the list of the questions and beside them are my answers. Be prepared to witness my loser-ish-ness:)):

I were an animal, I'd be... horse

I were really famous at something it would be.... singing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....clothes

I were a school lunch, I'd be... a sandwich

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... pizza

I could change my name, It's change it to... Hannah

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... my clothes

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Oops I did It Again

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Lily

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Miggy

Looking at this page made me laugh til me tummy hurt and it also made me realize on what a pathetic loser I was. LOL

Of course if I were to answer these now I would sooooo answer them differently. Let me anwer them now. haha:


I were an animal, I'd be... dove

I were really famous at something it would be.... writing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....helping those whos suffered in the typhoon

I were a school lunch, I'd be... tapsiXD

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... still a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... it would be a cross between california rolls or paellaXD

I could change my name, It's change it to... I wouldn't change my name. I love it already:)

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... probably my nose or my huge forehead

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Magasin by the Eraserheads

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Abigail Rosemary

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Christopher Thames

haha. I answered most of them differently. I guess it really does show that I've growned up even if there was just a little progress:))

Philippine Wipe Out

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

HSSian Ka Kasi...

I miss HSS so so so much. I guess you could say i was reminiscing while making this. To those who wish to repost this pls give credit to Patsy Carrillo. I have rights too yah know:))


Oh yeah, and you're welcome to add anything to the list. Just as long as it isn't offensive. Anything that you know makes HSS HSS. Have fun reading it, because I sure had fun writing this. Truth in love;):p


HSS-ian ka kasi:



1. Nahuli kang maikli yung socks at yung chemise. Mas lalo na yung chemise, mahuhuli ka talaga pag hindi ka naka chemise. Hala!

2. Pinagalitan ka na ni Ms. Penetrante, kulit mo noh?. (peace Ms. P!)

3. Pag practice para sa mass ganadong ganado ka kumanta, pero pagdating sa real thing, mananahimik ka lang at nakatulala sa space, nagtataka kung aabot pa ba yung 3rd subject mo sa mass o kung pagbibigyan kayo na recess na agad after mass.

4. Memorize mo na yung 5 favorite words ni Sister Tess. “May God bless us all.”

5. Pag nakakakita ka ng madre feel mo kilala ka nila at kilala nila si Sister Tess kaya na prepressure ka at kailangan mong mag greet.

6. Feel mo na yung mga teacher mo dapat sa school lang nakikita. Alalahanin mo, hindi sila bawal gumala katulad mo, tao din sila hija!

7. Kahit wala ka naming dalang electronic gadget sa school at nagkaka inspection parang feel mo magkaka heart attack ka na sa nerbyos kasi parang pakiramdam mo biglaang lilitaw sa bag mo yung cp, digicam, ipod/mp3, etc na mga gamit mo.

8. Pag mainit at break time takbo ka agad sa guidance room o library para tumambay.

9. Nagka jarbs(jabar) ka na at nakita toh ng mga kaklase mo.

10. Either nanenerbyos kang makipag usap sa lalaki o masyado kang atat na makipag kilala sa mga lalaki.

11. Pag gigimick ka after school at sasabay ka sa kaibigan, maghahanap ka ng kahit anong rason para lang ma-signan yan permission letter mo. Siyempre yung mga good seeds dyan ng HSS walang problema. May good seeds nga ba?. Haha. Eh ikaw?

12. Nag hahanap ka ng kahit anong lusot para makatambay sa clinic kasi ayaw mong mag attend sa class. Kunyari hihingi ka lang ng agua oxehynada(tama ba yung spelling?) eh umupo ka na don at kinausap mo na yung mga batang pumapasok sa clinic na may sugat o sakit at kilalang kilala na ni Tita Ces yang muhka mo kaya parang onti na lang maglalagay siya ng poster sa clinic na banned ka na don. Yari ka!:))

13. Nahihirapan ka minsan mamili ng damit pag pwede na mag civilian. Dami kasing bawal eh. Pero alam kong madami dyang pume-pekpek shorts(ok now that sounded soooo gross when I typed it. LOL) sa HSS. I've seen it with my own eyes.

14. Pag nag dala ka ng lalaki sa HSS isip agad ng mga tao na boyfriend mo siya, not unless grabe naman siya sa pagkatanda o grabe naman sa pagka bata, ano ka?, pedo?. Haha!

15. Pag bus ka at ayaw mo pang umuwi magtatago ka sa conductor mo, pero pag iniwan ka naman parang miserableng miserable ka at ewan mo kung pano ka uuwi.

16. Morning routine mo usually, makipag siksikan sa locker bago mahuli ni Mrs. Mariano na late, mag line sa tapat ng init, mag dasal tapos mag ingay sa class. Usually ah. Haha.

17. Nawbwibwiset ka dahil sa liit ng canteen natin at sa mahal ng pagkain. Simpleng nilalang lang kasi tayo, diba?. Aminin niyo, mga tipid tayong lahat sa HSS:))

I'm At A Confused State Right Now:|

When I arrived at the grocery to meet up with my dad last Thursday. He immediately opened up the topic about my course. He asked me if I really do want my course. My answer?. Well, I just raised my shoulders in an "I don't know manner", because I'm not really sure if this is what I want.

I guess I do miss writing, A LOT. It's been a big part of me after all. Maybe that's what I want to do, write. Then, I was thinking about shifting and all the troubles it would cause me and other people. But, is it all really worth the stress?

Hell, I don't know, I'm still confused about what I want. After all not everyone knows what they want. Every single decision we make as humans could be critical to the survival of one. I may be getting a bit carried away here, but hey, it could happen, we never know right?.

You must be thinking that maybe the smell of the paints I've been using lately have gone to my head, you may be wrong or you could even be right. I believe that I'm not thinking straight these days. My mind has been on a constant loop. Maybe it just needs time to reset itself, hmm, I don't know.

Lies

Lies. They make up our whole existence. This is one of the basic principles of life that every human has to learn. Whether we hate it or love it, we still have to accept it.

We often say that we hate it when people lie to us. But how about us lying to them?. Isn't it the same thing?. We should never say that all is fair in that way.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. None of us our perfect. Which makes us feel that life is so unfair.

Even in my possible career in the future, I have to sometimes sell lies. And to think, I never even thought it possible to sell lies. I only thought about it I guess around last week.

The problem is, lies are an inescapable circumstance. It benefits all, but it also destroys us.

Lies are the "loophole" of the life contract we unknowingly signed with God.

Every time I tried to do my plates/artwork assignments I would just run out of motivation to do so. It's been an awful while since I've last blogged, and I have to admit, I missed it. Drawing, sculpting, painting all week, is good and all, but for me, nothing beats writing down your thoughts.

I guess what's been distracting me from doing my plates is the thought that, my ex actually has someone else. Yes, I know it's stupid for me to feel this way. But I will admit that I'm not mad or upset cause I'm jealous, it's because he was the one who cheated on me, and now he's the one who's found love again before me. I just find it unfair. That's why I feel that it was like a really big slap in the face.

Right now I feel immature, stupid and down right crazy for having these emotions. I may have actually gone mental. Like what I always say, being single ROCKS!. But to have someone tell you that they love you and having to love them back in more than a platonic way, well, that also rocks.

I'm just remembering that I shouldn't be in a hurry to find love. I guess I should just let it find me. I'm enjoying being single and well boys are boys.:)

You Are Not Alone(RIP Michael)

Before leaving for the US embassy last Friday, my parents told me that Michael Jackson just had a heart attack. I was shocked, but not that scared because I believed that he would survive through it.

Well anyway, went to the US embassy with my family to apply for a US visa. Thanks to God, St. Rita and all of those who prayed for us, because we were all granted a US visa. Anyway, we were ordered to not bring any electronic devices in the embassy. So I left my phone in the car. When I got my phone at around 11 I think, I saw that in one of Maiqui's gm's that Michael Jackson was pronounced dead. I didn't bother texting her because I thought that she was joking.

But when we got to my grandfather's home, my uncle told us that Michael Jackson just died. I immediately ran to the TV and switched it to CNN. I was pretty much devastated. To be honest, Michael Jackson is one of my inspirations when it comes to music and writing songs. He is one of those artists that I loved even way back when I was little girl.

Of course when I was kid I loved his Christmas songs the most. As I grew up and I heard his different songs, I was instantly drawn. I thank my dad for showing me the different kinds of music. But I really won't forget the day when I was absent in grade school and I was flipping through some channels. Then I stopped in the Philippine music channel entitled MYX. Suddenly MJ's MV Black or White was on and I knew that there was something with that song that couldn't stop making me play that in my head. I think that that was the very first MJ MV that I have ever watched.

I will always believe that Michael Jackson is, was and always will be a music legend. May his legacy live on forever. RIP Michael. We love you.

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone.mp3 get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

My First Day Sucked. How About Yours?

Today was my day to say so long to summer and hello to college. My class today was supposed to start at 10. So I got to UST at around 9:30. When it was about to become 10 I went to my bldg and that was the only time that I found out that all of the bldgs were to open at 1.

So I waited in front of the UST hospital for about an hour til Frances came and thank God she came. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It felt so emo. haha. Anyway when it was about to become 1pm Frances went inside her bldg and again I was left alone to wait all by my lonesome since my class wasn't until 2.

Then as it was quarter to 2 I went inside my bldg and searched for my room. There I found soooo many people waiting for their classes to start. Soon, I turned into one of those people. After maybe about 15-20 mins of waiting outside or so, an upper class men told us froshies that our room wasn't there pa daw. There I met Aishia. She was the first person to talk to me. So we went to the deans office and asked what was up with the hold up. They told us that our class was in the engineering bldg at the same room number. So Aishia and I went there together.

When we got to the room we sat down and waited and waited and waited, still no prof. It was about an hour til one of the sections also from adver knocked on our door and told us that they heard that if the prof doesn't show up in an hour you should either head home or just plain leave.

So I was one of those first people to walk out that room and decide to go home. Hell, I was tired, thirsty and sleepy. To top it all off I didn't get anything from the day. The only positive thing that came out was meeting a new friend and seeing my old ones.

So that's my first day. It sucked ass. Hopefully it won't suck tom. Praying that it'll be a productive and fun-filled day tom. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

A Very Late Mom's Day Blog:)

Hearing your mother or any other mother rant or nag is a person's worst nightmare. It's an even bigger nightmare for the child of the mother who's ranting. I think it's because we know we are powerless before the mighty words our mother's let out, you can almost say that a rant is totally fast and furious.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother just as much as the next person, but you sure as hell shouldn't make her mad, OR ELSE!. You shall suffer her wrath. I'm sure everyone agrees with me. I just really find it very very scary when my mom gets all angry. I would soooo not want to get get in her way. haha

It's almost like a storm, when there's an early prediction you would like to stay away from the storm or atleast protect yourself from certain dangers the storm may bring. Then when the storm dies down, that's when it's safe.

That's why I really try my best to please my mom. Of course when I've done something wrong or if I need something I smile here and there and I also try to do something really nice. haha. Yes, I'm that obvious. lol!

But even through all the constant rants and nags I thank my mother for that. After all that's what keeps me from being an insane and out of line child. A very late mother's day blog. haha. Anyway thanks mom. I love you :)



Father's day is just around the corner. Still thinking about a gift.

Random Rants

Every night before I sleep. I have these constant thought running through my mind. Well, it's practically a routine for me. I think for about an hour. No matter how hard I try to stop, they still keep on going.

Counting doesn't seem to help even thinking of a white room to make me relax just makes me think even more. This makes me feel all miserable and tired. Leaving me with saggy eyes and I get to wake up pretty late.

Which is a total drag considering that my first day of colleges is in 3 days. I have to wake up at 5 because of the 40 minute travel time from my house to school. I've gotten so used to my 2 month regimen of waking up at exactly 5 mins before 10. Eating brunch, going on the computer for the rest of the day or sleeping for the remaining hours.

Yes, my life is boring. It's only boring here when it comes to the house since I don't do anything here. That's why I always schedule a gimmick with my friends at least once a week. Just to keep me sane and as to keep my social life from going kaput.

Have to admit I'm really going to miss my friends from high school. Since we're all going our separate ways, attending different colleges and all. It's scary yet exciting. But new adventures and friends await us in the days to come.

Gusto Ko Lamang Sa Buhay....(First Tagalog Blog)

Simula ng tinatanong ako nung 2nd or 3rd year ng high school kung ano yung ambisyon ko sa buhay, parang wala akong masagot, kundi "Uhm. ewan ko po.". Parang minsan ang sarap ngang sabihin "Wala pa kong plano, ikaw ba may plano nung ganitong taon ka?!". Oo na, ang sungit ng dating. Pero nakakairita lang kasi kung parating tinatanong yun sayo. Parang papatong patong yung bigat ng pressure na dala mo.

Hanggang ngayon parang pakiramdam ko wala pa din akong direksyon sa buhay. Nung bata ako gusto ko maging doctor. Para makatulong sa mga may sakit. Pero nung medyo dumevelop na yung brain cells ko parang nung nakakita na ko ng mga malalaking sugat sa ibang tao parang nandidiri ako ng di ko makayanan. Kaya hindi ko na lang naisipan maging doctor ulit.

Habang palaki ako nang palaki. Dumaan naman sa isip ko yung pagiging astronaut. Ambisyoso ako non. Mahilig mag feeling. Pero mabilis din yung naglaho kasi sa US lang yung mga magandang aeronautics na eskwelahan. Nangarap pa naman ako makapag talon sa outer space. Inaamin ko, feeling akong bata. Lahat naman tayo feeling dati eh. haha!

Pero simula nung gumagawa na ko ng mga tula at mga storya nung mga late grade school, nakakatanggap na ko ng mga sabi mula sa mga teacher at mga kaklase na magaling akong magsulat. Kaya napag isipan kong maging writer o journalist. Kung ano man yung mas bagay sa kin.

Yung gusto ko lang naman ngayon sa buhay ay makapag sulat nang makapag sulat. Don naman kasi ako nakakapaglabas ng damdamin eh. Tsaka dito mas naiintindihan ng mga tao kung ano yung mga gusto kong sabihin. Parang wala nang pasikot sikot. Basta andon na yung punto ko sa mga pinagsusulat ko. Malay ko ba kung ano yung mararating ko sa pag asam na toh. May tatanggap nga ba sa kin?. Ano nga ba yung magagawa ko sa pagsusulat lamang?. May mahahantungan nga ba ako sa mga pinagsusulat ko?. Hmm. Siguro maghihintay na lang muna ako at titignan ko kung san ako madadala nitong gusto ko.

Nothing Is Ever Set In Stone

Summer's about to come to it's close. To be honest, I am soooo not ready to say goodbye to summer. Well no one is. Not unless you're that psyched up for school. To tell you now, I'm have half-half feelings regarding school. Most especially now that I'm an incoming college freshie.

First I want to go to school because finally I have something to do, after 2 months of lounging around. haha. Basically the reasons that I'm excited and nervous are all the same. I'm mostly nervous because I haven't made any new friends in UST and that makes me hella scared. Even though my friends constantly remind me that I'm friendly and that I can make friends easily. I'm still not calmed down by their words of wisdom and comfort.

It's the 1sy day of kindergarten all over again. Almost everything is new. Except for our sheer enthusiasm to learn. Yay?. haha. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hell I'm not going to be a wuss most especially now that I'm going into college.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now. Constant running of thoughts, of people, of things, of events, etc. I don't know why but when someone close to me is sad I suddenly empathize with them. I have no idea why. Like when I was a little girl if my sister would cry, my eyes would suddenly get all teary. Maybe I really don't have a heart of stone. haha. Well Nadine and Jean know about how I'm feeling. They were the ones who I was talking to about the thing last night or this morning.

Everything that happens comes as such a surprise. We feel that we've braced ourselves for the worst, but when it comes it turns out we're not as ready as we thought we were. Nothing is permanent. Not unless you're that dedicated to make it set in stone and not let anything or anyone get in your way to ruin it.

The Rain and The Virus are Starting to Get Me

It's been raining like crazy for the past week now. I'm not really a big fan of it as to say. During my elementary and high school days I used to be so ecstatic when they'd say that classes on all levels would be suspended. Cause that would mean a day of rest and nothing to do.

Well now that I'm about to start college in UST. I officially hate the rain. haha. Everyone knows that when it rains like crazy, it causes a crazy flood over at Espana. It's almost like an extension of the Ganges river. haha. Yes I am going overboard again. But my tita who studies there told me that when the rain dies down the "river" resceeds. So goodluck to everyone when the rainy season comes. Well the rainy season has already come. sooooo

Anyway, the opening of classes in UST have been moved to the 15th. Mainly due to the a(h1n1) virus reaching DLSU. To be honest it even freaks me out. My mom's office is being really really precautionary about the whole outbreak. This whole epidemic is practially driving eveyone insane. I'm so scared about it I was even thinking about not going out for almost a whole week. But hell, I know that's not going to stop the outbreak. That's why frok now on I'm going to bring hand sanitizer or alcohol anywhere I go. Yes, I may sound paranoid. Well I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm getting all O.C once again. This is all just crazy if you ask me.

Simple Kind of Life

Just came home from HSS. Yes, as in Holy Spirit School. Met up with Rosa and Frances. Then Lulu and Vance followed. We went there to chat with old teachers and to just reminisce before our school starts. Well the QCumbers were all supposed to come but we were short of 3. So that was disappointing. But we still had a great time though.

Well to get home I had to commute yet again. But the rain got even stronger. When it died down a bit then did Vance and I walk to the LRT station. Even though I was wearing my black chucks they got wet. Hell even my socks get wet. I was covered all over and I even had an umbrella. But I still got pretty wet.

So then it went to my mind that this is what I need to prepare for next week if ever. The rain would proabably get worse and the streets would be flooded. Then right now, all I want to do is rest and have some really good dinner. haha. Hopefully they cooked something real yummy. I don't want to think about any thing that would worry me for the moment. I guess I really do know that I just have a few days of rest before starting on a new adventure. Yeeeeee. Scaaaarrryy. haha!