WTF

What makes us a stronger person?

For me, what makes me a stronger is just to be able to understand and have enough patience. I guess started with this topic because my cousin, who I have really known my whole life is really driving me insane.

Get ready for my rants in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....

He's really obnoxious and sometimes just really rude. He was like this when we were kids, he practically drowned me when we were little. His boastfulness receded probably when we were in high school. And now I just can't stand him. He's practically back to his old ways.

We often get into debates and sometimes when he and I hang out I just don't talk to him that much because I don't want to get into another fight with him. I show him how uninterested I am in what he's talking about.

He tells me that his mind is more mature. So he thinks that starting arguments is really mature. Tss yeah right.

He knows I'm peeved at him and I know he tries to win me back by doing nice things. But then he kinda jerks off again. I just don't get him. Yes we're really close but sometimes it's to the point that I can't stand him.

And just because he's older he thinks that he can control me. Like when we talked about me voting, he said that I should vote for whoever he votes for. Tsssss

He keeps on talking to me how Aquino will ruin the Philippines and that it's no use to vote. Oh yeah, that coming from someone who actually sold his vote.

Yes, I'm upset with him. I just try to tell myself that he thinks he'll be a stronger person if he keeps on pushing people around.

I'm just trying to lengthen my patience even more.

Figuring It All Out

I am slowly becoming more and more insane by the day. I don't know. Maybe it's because I start to wrack my brain for answers now. And I'm actually trying to figure out things in life. Of course there won't always be an answer for everything.

Maybe I'm just trying to grow up. I seriously don't know the answer to my insanity.

I think it's cause I've lost myself. In my essay in MC for the entrance exam, there was one question that asked what is my greatest joy in life. I answered, to know who I am. To be honest, I have no idea why the hell I answered that. I guess I just didn't know what to answer which was why I put that in writing.

Truth be told I really don't know that much about myself. I'm still confused on tho I really am. I might be just one those people in the world who go on with their lives, soul searching. Trying to figure out who they are.

As of now I know very little about myself and just like everyone else i'm only sure about myself 80% of the time. I believe that the hardest person to figure out is yourself. You know that you've gone bonkers when you yourself can't even explain your own actions, because you yourself are responsible for all that.

Am I the only one who is soul searching in this earth?. No. I'm a teenager, those so called scientists would say that it's normal for an adolescent like me to go soul searching. But when an adult does it most people think that they're crazy.

I believe that soul searching chooses no one, no age, no limit. It's just a matter of how smart you are to actually figure out yourself.

For my case, I'll wait, I will be patient enough to just go on with my life. As I go on I will slowly learn more about who I am. I may not get the answers to my questions right now. But I'm sure I will get them in one way or another:)

Waiting In Vain?

It's enough that I worry about my grades, but know, I'm not even sure if I still have a school to go to for the next semester. You've heard me bitch around about how much I panic about not having a school. I bitch around cause it worries me. It worries the shit out of me.

I heard from my friend Bal that we would get to take the entrance exam at around the start of June, in my mind I said "Ohkayy now WTF?!". I'm panicking. Every effing day my fear gets worse. It's hard to cope with that. Not being able to know and having your educational fate sealed by someone you've only known for like a month doesn't leave a comfortable feeling.

Shifting is all a waiting game. That's what I've learned for now. Hopefully all that waiting will be worth it.

Alice In Wonderland Movie Review

Alice in Wonderland is one the most anticipated movies of this year. Come to think of it, it knocked of Avatar as one of the most top grossing 3D movies, in just a week or maybe even 3 days. Crazy right?

Well I was planning to watch it with my friends but while I was in Gateway this afternoon with my ninang Rosette and my little sister, they wanted to watch it. A real spur of the moment so to speak.

Well, even before today I started reading reviews of the meaning. They were mixed. Most were bad reviews. But, just because this had bad reviews doesn't mean I was discouraged to watch it. Well, Johny Depp in 3D, what kind of woman could resist that?. haha

Well while we were getting our popcorn and drinks I could see the very long line of people waiting to enter theater 5. Even still in it's 2nd week the movie never failed to pack in audiences.

(BTW I was soooooo psyched that Pacquiao won!. He must've raked in big bucks again for that fight. Congrats Manny\m/)

Anyway, as I was sitting down I noticed that I was just a seat apart from Frankie Mamaril, I can't believe she still remembers me. haha. Well, in my mind I was debating with myself-I just realized how retarded I sound-on whether to put on my glasses while watching the movie or just take them off cause I could see even without it. Then the movie started, I decided to watch it with my glasses, I blame it all on myself, I always over analyze. Then later in the movie I decided to take my glasses off cause I was starting to get uncomfortable, but then I couldn't see that well, so I put my glasses back on. They should create better 3D glasses for those wear glasses.

Back to the movie, I thought that the story was well thought. I think that the relationship between Alice and the Mad Hatter was misunderstood by audiences. Most of them thought that they were an item, I perceived them as having a best friend kind of relationship. Either way I just hoped that they went to the actual root of how the Mad Hatter had such a deep relationship with Alice.

I believe that it was much more nicer in the pocket to watch it in just a regular cinema. I didn't really get the feeling that it was 3D. It was almost like they said that it was 3D just to get audiences. So if you plan to watch it then I recommend you watch it in a regular cinema. That's just my opinion.

I had high expectations for this movie, since I loved the animated Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately this didn't really make the cut for me. I love this but not as much as I love the animated Alice in Wonderland:)

Those "Heart Attacks"

You know those times when you feel like you're having a heart attack when you worry about things that really matter to you. Well, I've been having that this whole month. It's because I'm stressing out about my shifting.

You see I'm not 100% sure that I'm a total shoe in for the course. I love writing and all. It's just that, this is college, everything is so uncertain. I laugh most of the time. I do it just to hide what I'm really feeling inside. I mask my fear.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my future will be uncertain. That all my hard work this 2nd sem will all be put to waste. I'm the kind of person that's all optimistic most of the time. But this time, when my chances are pretty bleak, I just lose all hope. I'm starting to see life as how most people see it. A much more cruel way of torture.

Why air my thoughts publicly?. I don't know. I just can't take it anymore. Keeping emotions bottled up inside you, is not a very good habit. I cry alot. Which hasn't happened to me in a long time. I just pray that all will go well.

I pray that I pass all my subjects. THAT INCLUDES PE. That a slot will be open for me. That the dean of the college of arts and letters accepts my desire to shift. That if he accepts, that I pass the entrance exam.

I know that I'm asking for a lot. It's just that I have these "heart attacks" usually when it comes to academics. I worry about this because my education means so much to me. And well frankly, this also is connected to my future. Which scares me.

The Yellow Symbol

I seriously should be doing my Filipino paper right now, but I swear I'll do it right after I finish this post.

Well, this morning as I was working out at the gym (yes!, I work out now!. yay for me. LOL), anyway, there's this tv there, and most of the time it's just kept on the ABS-CBN channel. Umagang Kay Ganda was on, since it was the celebration of People Power I today they did this segment on all the latest gadgets that were about Cory and Ninoy Aquino. To be honest I really do love what these couples did for our country. They fought for what they knew was right. Their intentions were pure and self-less. They kept the Filipino fighting spirit. May God bless their souls:)

Well, back to the show, well, they did this segment on those yellow cellphones, watches with Ninoy and Cory's faces on them, who knows, maybe soon they'll make a yellow ipod. I just think that these days the yellow symbol is practically like a fashion accessory instead of some symbol that you are proud to be a Filipino, it almost says "Hey, look at me, I can afford this stuff so that means I'm in'. You catch my drift?

I just think that most people buy this stuff cause they believe that it's the latest fashion accessory to hit the market. Or maybe buying it would make me look cool. I just think that the yellow symbol has somehow lost it's meaning. Look outside, you can see almost every car have a yellow ribbon sticker. Or maybe even go to a mall, there wouldn't be a time that you won't see someone wearing a "The Filipino Is Worth Dying For" shirt.

See, they've used our heroes as hot commodities to sell items that hopefully soon won't be out of style. That's just it, when we feel that something is in we buy it of the rack, but when it gets all old and so last season, we give it away as if never meant anything. This is what I think most Filipinos are following. We must see beyond that yellow symbol and find out the actual meaning of it. How it came to be, who it came from and most importantly is that yellow ribbons meaning really still alive?

I just hope that what Ninoy and Cory have been fighting for has not been completely lost. We all need to dig deep and know that we are Filipinos, we are people. People who are intelligent and those who have rights. We must never forget that.

We don't need those yellow symbols to show that we're Filipinos, we just need to unite and fight for what we know is right.

What is Love?

What is love?

According to wikipedia, which turned out as my first result when I searched it on google, well, love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.


Love for me, is this feeling that you have for someone, just any one, and you know that you can't resist that person and that no matter how irritated they may make you. Just like any word, love has many meanings to many people.


I suddenly brought this up in my blog, because well, valentine's day is coming and well it's February, the month of love as some would like to call it. This is also the month for everyone to go crazy over commercials about love, movies about love, heart shaped food and all that shit. I know I sound bitter, but there is seriously something about valentine's day that I hate.


I sound so, man hater-ish don't I?. Maybe I'm speaking out of love. Maybe I really am bitter. Bitter cause I haven't really found that guy that I'd love to love. I'm ready to go into a new relationship and start anew. Maybe sometimes I'm just now allowing myself to let go.


Enough about me, even though I've gone through a heartbreak, I still believe that love is a very beautiful thing, that may happen between anyone. I certainly believe in love. Of course it ind of irritates me when I suddenly see couples holding hands or just really being sweet. But it kind of reminds me, that love is still out there. As love-sick I may sound, I know and believe love really is one of those factors that keeps the world sane and well it just helps to make the world go round and round.

We're all not perfect beings. Which makes life both fair and unfair. But in this universe, someone or maybe even some people make us feel worthwhile. It could be a friend, a family member, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a pet even. Love is the sole factor that keeps us holding on to every inch of hope we have. And with love, we smile for joy:)

**Imma post a video of me singing a love song for valentine's day. I haven't decided on a song yet though:)

Well, Happy Valentine's.

Oh No..

Right now there are so many thoughts swirling in my head right now. I bet someone would drown in my brain. Well, anyway, I just remembered that Jet's (my best friend who I kinda diss) birthday is like coming up on the same day as the prom. I really was thinking of going to Jet's birthday this year to make up for all the BS I've done to him. Right up until I found out that Lulu, Trish and I had an arrangement that same night. Luisa says that we ca probably make it to his celebration since it's like in the same vicinity. I hope that his celebration goes on like longer than the prom. Oh well, bahala na si batman:|

Next, I don't have a friggin' dress to that prom, my mom wants me to wear the same dres that I wore during the ball, but I don't want to and even if I did, well, IT DOESN'T FIT ME. See I gained ALOT of fresman weight over the 1st sem and from our trip to the States. I've been hitting the gym lately and so far nothing's working. I find it hard to stay on my old diet since now there like alot of food right outside my building. So it's either I try to lose weight even more or I buy a new dress. I really might buy a new dress at greenhills since it's cheaper. My mom is just so hard to convince, it's almost like she blocks me on what I'm saying. I don't even think that she understands half of what I'm saying.

Oh life. It really is unfair.

BAD DAY

"Because you had a bad day..."

Today seriously sucked, so many things made this day currently the worst day ever.

1. I got to UST so friggin early. Like an hour before my class early or 30 mins. earlier than I usually arrive. I waited for Chriselle for about an hour.

2. I found out that I flunked my prelim exam in Logic. FUCK. I seriously worked my ass off studying. I failed by merely 3 points. I really need to step up my game if I want to get into Journalism next year. I will really do better in the finals.

3. My cellphone got broken. AGAIN. THIS IS THE 3RD or 4TH TIME. I am really really frustrated. I just had it fixed last November, and this time to avoid it getting a virus, I didn't download any songs, didn't drop it and I always handled it with care. Then today it suddenly goes all berzerk on me. I'll have it fixed again and if it breaks again, I swear I will really buy a new phone. Motorola, and this time I won't let it get stolen.

4. Right after watching "Paano Pa Kaya?" with Selle(which btw I still can't believe that I watched it, but nakakakilig nga naman yung movie. LOL. and I also got to spend time with Selle), my favourite necklace broke, the one that I bought from Romblon when I was about 3rd year HS. It's a heart shaped pendant made out of marble. I fell in love with it when I saw it.I got really heart broken when I felt it fall apart in my neck and lucky enough that I caught it with my hand.

I am really not that happy with today. But tomorrow is another day, another day to start anew. My problems are so petty when you compare it to others. I'm happy enough to be given the chance to keep on trying.

This day will really get better if I have a double cheese pepperoni pizza and some ice cream after that. Way to stay focused on your diet Patricia. HAHA

New Year:New Me?

Happy new year to everyone!

New year resolutions are back in order, I make resolutions every year. There are so very few that I actually fulfill. What can I say?, I'm human. Here is a list of all the things I hope to fulfill this 2010:

1. I should really get back to my diet and exercise routine. The one I had when I was in my senior year of high school. I seriously lost like 5 pounds in a week.

2. Stop my vices. There are some people vices people know, some no one knows.:>

3. I will seriously be much more practical this year. Money is tight these days.

4. Try to be a better person.

5. Study harder.

6. Be much more optimistic. I still have my emo days.

7. Re-learn how to play the guitar. To be honest I miss playing the guitar.

8. Actually push through my plans:))

9. Be honest when someone asks me a question.

10. LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

My actual goal is to fulfill atleast 5 of these. Goodluck with me. Oh yeah, BTW I'm planning to get a haircut. I've been meaning to get one ever since the start of the 2nd sem, I just can't take long hair. HAHA

Every Story Must Have An End

Just came from a 16 hour long plane ride from LA. Yes that's right, I came from the States after about 2 and a half weeks. The whole trip was fun while it lasted. We never really tried to waste time. haha.

Well my family and I went to the States not only for the sites and experience, but it was mainly for my uncle who lives there. You see, my dad has a brother and a sister. They all have steady and high paying jobs(I'm not boasting here). But, the difference is, my uncle lives waaay over there.

There's this circumstance that put he kind of put himself in, which is why he can't come to the Philippines. Ever since I was little girl I had been waiting for my uncle to come visit the Philippines. When my grandmother(my dad's mom) died, it was heart wrenching to think that my own uncle couldn't come to my grandmothers funeral.

We've been talking about going to the States ever since I could remember. We actually made that dream a reality. Which is pretty cool come to think of it. Anyway, so since my uncle couldn't come to the Philippines well then, we shall come to see him.

And I swear I have never met my uncle before. He calls at least once a month to check up on us here. There was always a voice behind the name and there were pictures but I really could not imagine putting the face and the voice together. It's hard to actually picture someone who you never really thought you'd ever get to see personally, or so I thought.

So when we arrived at the airport we met my uncle and gosh does he look young. I swear, if you would put me and him together we'd look like brother and sister. We bonded over the 2 weeks. Then I got to know my uncle more. He's a really cool and very makulit guy. I kind of got used to him being around. So him not being here right now is new to me.

He along with my lolo's borhter brought us to LAX for our flight back to Manila. Right after he helped with unloading our bags from the van. He hugged me and I could see him fighting back tears, then he hugged the rest of us and. Just the thought of the scene, makes me cry too. Then I thought, we have each other here in the Philippines, while he lives alone. I pray for my uncle everyday, that he will always be watched over by God.

Thank you tito Babbit. We love you and we miss you.:)

Love

Love

I believe sometimes that most things in this world like batteries or even gas just have to run out. Nothing in this world is perfect, which is what makes it fair. Which makes some of us believe that the world is a cruel and unfair place, well, at least that's how it is for the pessimists.

I have never seen the world as perfect or imperfect, I just see it as, the world. We live not knowing what will come next or who we'll see or meet today or tomorrow. That's what makes life hard yet fun. Living on the unexpected is something that is constant.

What does love have to do with this?. Love should never really be even tried to search, it'll just come to you at the right time and place. Love may be cruel, love may be sweet. Then to love, is to accept. Accepting requires so much from us.

I have had so many thoughts in my head that I would want to let out so much. Then, let me let out the thoughts that I have always been thinking about this one person, let me start:

I still love you, I haven't tried to deny it or confirm it. I've only actually admited to the word love right now. I feel like a total idiot for still loving you. Why you ask?. Because, it hurts so much to still love someone who used to love you, but has eyes for someone else now. Up until this day I hang on to your words, as if you just said them to me. I really want to get over you. It's been years and no progress at all. I know I will get over you, I just don't know when. Until that day comes, I guess I will still be clinging to the memories we once had. I can never fess up to my feelings like how I did back in high school, I don't know why. I will always be here, secretly loving you, secretly hurting and praying everyday that I will let you go.

Live here?. In The States?. Are you serious?!

Here in San Francisco. I've been to a lot of places here in the states. Mostly California. My parents ask me if I could live here and all I say is "Ok lang.". The thought of me living here is just not really right for me. I love it in the Philippines and as it may be too distant to say but I know that I'll be working in the Philippines. I hope I'll be like my parents who live and work in the Phils.

I'm not saying that the US sucks, I'm just saying that, I guess, I'd like it better in a place that I'm familiar in, adjusting really is quite a challenge for many. I don't if I see myself working here. But as time goes by, it's almost like in the future I would be wrong about my assumptions. Let's see then.

Justice

We live in such a complex world. It forces us to learn about how to figure it out. Which makes me think, can we truly figure it out ourselves?

Seeing all the mass destruction happening around me, makes me feel scared and uncertain of the future ahead. Fear is sometimes a rational feeling, well, depending on the situation of course. As of now, whatever is being laid in front of us, is mostly causing not only a national outrage, but an international one at that.

Not being able to listen and actually be a human being are just one of the many errors I see in this. Justice is what is being called and hopefully it will be served. But here's the thing, will it happen at the right time and will it really be served to those who deserve it?

Dreams

Dreams-A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

Well at least that's what the http://www.thefreedictionary.com says. Ever since I was in elementary I have been having these strange things that makes me feel much more different than others. Dreams take me into another world that well I sometimes wish I had never even gone to.

You see, sometimes my dreams come true. Which makes everything oh so bizarre. I don't know what my dreams mean, but every time I dream of something that I honestly don't understand, I scour the internet for answers to my strangest dreams.

I encounter dreams about death, love and life. Nothing seems to make sense and maybe nothing ever will. Being in a constant state of confusion isn't really good for the health. But here's the thing the people who are in my dreams are mostly the one's whom I'm close to or at least used to be close to.

The scariest part is, I sometimes have dreams of someone who I don't know. Well, they're constantly being tortured and I once had this dream that one of our family friends killed themselves.

I don't what these dreams are telling me or even if they're telling me something. I'm pretty sure that it's not something I ate. I just don't know what to do anymore once I dream.

What Is Right In This World?

What if you had to lie just to please someone you love?. Would you still lie knowing that you would end up as a hypocrite?. Or just be honest and let everything all out?

Nothing ever seems to be easy in this world. Which is why it just makes living more complicated. Everything that we do is constantly being judged and there are times that we can never really satisfy everyone in this world no matter how hard you try.

I hate the feeling of lying, I have a conscience that makes me feel so bad inside. I guess I've kind of gotten used to the idea. Nonetheless that doesn't make it right.

But here's the thing, sometimes lying does hurt you,but it helps others. That must be why we feel like lying is sometimes a good thing. Lying about little things may by minor. But having to keep up a lie for a certain period of time really is a stretch. It's this charade that you feel is impossible to get out of. You started the lie, that makes it even harder to get out of.

The truth to some is very daring and obscene, creating anger and well just bad thoughts. In my opinion, the lying part is easy.

The "what if they catch you" part or the "I feel guilty so I'm telling the truth" part is the most difficult of all. For the first one, you're never prepared for that. You just make it all up as it goes along.

With the 2nd one, you're more nervous and you hope that it all goes as planned.

We're all never perfect, we never really know what to. I'm really sorry to be a downer here, but this is just my melancholic side going on. This is my way of lashing out.

Being Sick Sucks

Ever since Monday afternoon I've been feeling like crap. My head hurt like crazy. That's why after my Filipino class every friend of mine who'd pass by to greet me would ask, "Uhh Patsy, ok ka lang?". They could easily see my current condition just by looking at my face. It's either I'm that sick or I'm just that obvious these days. Haha. Anyway when I got home my headache never went away. I started feeling like crap even more. I decided to go to sleep early that night, I guess around 9. Then after that I would wake up every hour just to vomit.

Do you know how sick that feels?. I think during the 3rd time I was vomiting (Ok sorry if I'm grossing you out) deep in my mind I was thinking, "When the hell will this stop?. And why the hell to bulimic people go through all this pain just to get thin?." I started crying because I really felt that all of my body weight was literally lost from all that shit I went through. I just kept on vomiting from 10pm-1am. I really couldn't sleep a wink. That's why at about 2 in the morning I already woke up my parents and asked if I could not attend school the next day.

I hated doing that but I knew I needed to. I couldn't risk my health for that. I did know that that was a school day that was put to waste. I need high grades if I want to get into journalism. But then, I need to calm down and remember that it's just one day. No need to worry about it. I know that I'll make up for it in the next days.

Well I didn't attend PE today too. I was vomiting again this morning. Well, I had a check up, they took a sample of my blood(which I hate because now my left arm hurts so much) and my urine. They found nothing bad about me. Oh well, It must've been something I ate. Well I'm all fine now. But I get so full after just 2 bites of what I ate. Hmm. Weird.

What Is It With You?

"PRANING"

That's the Tagalog word for paranoid. I feel a certain height of paranoia right now. And every kind of paranoia isn't exactly good. It's because I really want to see this friend of mine. Well we had a thing in the past. I just really miss hanging out with him ever since he left for the States.

It's been 2 years and still, I'm left here, hanging on to every word he has told me. I don't know why but he has always made me feel special even after what he did to me in the past. I feel all screwed up and I'm not really even sure if I'm thinking straight. Usually when someone does something really really bad to me I hate them for a long time. It would take ALOT for me to forgive them. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, it's like I forget, I forget about what he did to me and think that he has done so many good things for me and that shouldn't make all the bad stuff over weigh the good.

I know that I am absolutely stupid to be this way, but I just really want to get over him. It's been 3 years now and still nothing. People tell me that there are guys who are lining up there for me, but why don't I believe them?. Why don't I care?. It's almost like the only person who I want is him. But he hurt me, he made me scared to love again. Every time guys tell me I'm beautiful or pretty, I just brush them off. I guess it's because I think that I'm not pretty. The last guy who made me believe I was pretty broke me and made me think that the girl he traded me up for was prettier, smarter and much more better than me. I sometimes feel insecure because of him.

Which makes me feel confused about him. I really want closure on this subject and I don't know how this will really all come to an end.

Why Did I Shift

"Are you sure?"

I have been thrown that question today for a number of times. And every time I would be asked that question, I felt like I was in a game show,being asked by the host if I am absolutely positive about my answer, and well, I would answer yes. I got pretty sick of all the sermons by some of the profs in my college. I somehow felt glad that my blockmates respected my decision, and they're question would be "Why?".

My answer, I chose to shift to another course because I felt that I didn't belong to the world of drawing. I know that this sounds stupid but, during the enrollment I thought that I could see myself having a job after graduation, but sadly, as days progressed in my world of fine arts, I felt like I lost myself, there was this longing inside of me to want to write things, and it took months until I could write a song again. After finishing that song I felt so relieved and I have to admit that I missed writing. I guess that I don't get the same high from holding a pencil and a sketch pad. I feel more like myself when I express myself through writing. I do know that I was stunned to find out that I knew how to draw, and I didn't suck at it that much as I expected.

Then I truly know in my heart and mind that I'm not cut out for the world of fine arts. I love all kinds of art. I am an artist, but I may not be the artist that draws, I see myself as an artist of words. I easily get satisfaction after writing an unbelievably long essay. I have discovered my passion and it is writing, I'm just glad that it didn't take me that long to find it out.

The shifting part isn't exactly my cup of tea. It's very stressful and tiring. But there is a part of that doesn't care, because I'm doing something that I believe is right for me. The stress will all be worth it once I get into the course I have shifted in and of course once I graduate. I still have 3 years to go. Wish me luck and pray for me:)

Sometimes I Wish I Was A Boy:)))

Whenever there are long lines to the girls CR, I get all frustrated. While I look at the opposite side, meaning the boys CR. There in and out there soooo fast. It's unfair, is it because women have weaker bladder control?. Hell, IDK. But it's during those times that I wish that I was a guy, then I'd zoom in and out of the CR. Weird yes, but it's so much easier that way. Haha

Also, everytime my red days come, it totally sucks ass cause I have to be careful of well, every thing I do. It screws up alot of things, it makes me consious and plus, sometimes the pain is absouloutley unbearable. Another thing, red days make me bloated. This is why girls get easily irritated on these days, they make us feel like the world is on our shoulders, clinging for stupid reasons.

It's during these times that I wish i could just magically become a boy. Hell, I'd still want to turn back into a girl though. haha