Love

Love

I believe sometimes that most things in this world like batteries or even gas just have to run out. Nothing in this world is perfect, which is what makes it fair. Which makes some of us believe that the world is a cruel and unfair place, well, at least that's how it is for the pessimists.

I have never seen the world as perfect or imperfect, I just see it as, the world. We live not knowing what will come next or who we'll see or meet today or tomorrow. That's what makes life hard yet fun. Living on the unexpected is something that is constant.

What does love have to do with this?. Love should never really be even tried to search, it'll just come to you at the right time and place. Love may be cruel, love may be sweet. Then to love, is to accept. Accepting requires so much from us.

I have had so many thoughts in my head that I would want to let out so much. Then, let me let out the thoughts that I have always been thinking about this one person, let me start:

I still love you, I haven't tried to deny it or confirm it. I've only actually admited to the word love right now. I feel like a total idiot for still loving you. Why you ask?. Because, it hurts so much to still love someone who used to love you, but has eyes for someone else now. Up until this day I hang on to your words, as if you just said them to me. I really want to get over you. It's been years and no progress at all. I know I will get over you, I just don't know when. Until that day comes, I guess I will still be clinging to the memories we once had. I can never fess up to my feelings like how I did back in high school, I don't know why. I will always be here, secretly loving you, secretly hurting and praying everyday that I will let you go.

Live here?. In The States?. Are you serious?!

Here in San Francisco. I've been to a lot of places here in the states. Mostly California. My parents ask me if I could live here and all I say is "Ok lang.". The thought of me living here is just not really right for me. I love it in the Philippines and as it may be too distant to say but I know that I'll be working in the Philippines. I hope I'll be like my parents who live and work in the Phils.

I'm not saying that the US sucks, I'm just saying that, I guess, I'd like it better in a place that I'm familiar in, adjusting really is quite a challenge for many. I don't if I see myself working here. But as time goes by, it's almost like in the future I would be wrong about my assumptions. Let's see then.

Justice

We live in such a complex world. It forces us to learn about how to figure it out. Which makes me think, can we truly figure it out ourselves?

Seeing all the mass destruction happening around me, makes me feel scared and uncertain of the future ahead. Fear is sometimes a rational feeling, well, depending on the situation of course. As of now, whatever is being laid in front of us, is mostly causing not only a national outrage, but an international one at that.

Not being able to listen and actually be a human being are just one of the many errors I see in this. Justice is what is being called and hopefully it will be served. But here's the thing, will it happen at the right time and will it really be served to those who deserve it?

Dreams

Dreams-A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

Well at least that's what the http://www.thefreedictionary.com says. Ever since I was in elementary I have been having these strange things that makes me feel much more different than others. Dreams take me into another world that well I sometimes wish I had never even gone to.

You see, sometimes my dreams come true. Which makes everything oh so bizarre. I don't know what my dreams mean, but every time I dream of something that I honestly don't understand, I scour the internet for answers to my strangest dreams.

I encounter dreams about death, love and life. Nothing seems to make sense and maybe nothing ever will. Being in a constant state of confusion isn't really good for the health. But here's the thing the people who are in my dreams are mostly the one's whom I'm close to or at least used to be close to.

The scariest part is, I sometimes have dreams of someone who I don't know. Well, they're constantly being tortured and I once had this dream that one of our family friends killed themselves.

I don't what these dreams are telling me or even if they're telling me something. I'm pretty sure that it's not something I ate. I just don't know what to do anymore once I dream.

What Is Right In This World?

What if you had to lie just to please someone you love?. Would you still lie knowing that you would end up as a hypocrite?. Or just be honest and let everything all out?

Nothing ever seems to be easy in this world. Which is why it just makes living more complicated. Everything that we do is constantly being judged and there are times that we can never really satisfy everyone in this world no matter how hard you try.

I hate the feeling of lying, I have a conscience that makes me feel so bad inside. I guess I've kind of gotten used to the idea. Nonetheless that doesn't make it right.

But here's the thing, sometimes lying does hurt you,but it helps others. That must be why we feel like lying is sometimes a good thing. Lying about little things may by minor. But having to keep up a lie for a certain period of time really is a stretch. It's this charade that you feel is impossible to get out of. You started the lie, that makes it even harder to get out of.

The truth to some is very daring and obscene, creating anger and well just bad thoughts. In my opinion, the lying part is easy.

The "what if they catch you" part or the "I feel guilty so I'm telling the truth" part is the most difficult of all. For the first one, you're never prepared for that. You just make it all up as it goes along.

With the 2nd one, you're more nervous and you hope that it all goes as planned.

We're all never perfect, we never really know what to. I'm really sorry to be a downer here, but this is just my melancholic side going on. This is my way of lashing out.

Being Sick Sucks

Ever since Monday afternoon I've been feeling like crap. My head hurt like crazy. That's why after my Filipino class every friend of mine who'd pass by to greet me would ask, "Uhh Patsy, ok ka lang?". They could easily see my current condition just by looking at my face. It's either I'm that sick or I'm just that obvious these days. Haha. Anyway when I got home my headache never went away. I started feeling like crap even more. I decided to go to sleep early that night, I guess around 9. Then after that I would wake up every hour just to vomit.

Do you know how sick that feels?. I think during the 3rd time I was vomiting (Ok sorry if I'm grossing you out) deep in my mind I was thinking, "When the hell will this stop?. And why the hell to bulimic people go through all this pain just to get thin?." I started crying because I really felt that all of my body weight was literally lost from all that shit I went through. I just kept on vomiting from 10pm-1am. I really couldn't sleep a wink. That's why at about 2 in the morning I already woke up my parents and asked if I could not attend school the next day.

I hated doing that but I knew I needed to. I couldn't risk my health for that. I did know that that was a school day that was put to waste. I need high grades if I want to get into journalism. But then, I need to calm down and remember that it's just one day. No need to worry about it. I know that I'll make up for it in the next days.

Well I didn't attend PE today too. I was vomiting again this morning. Well, I had a check up, they took a sample of my blood(which I hate because now my left arm hurts so much) and my urine. They found nothing bad about me. Oh well, It must've been something I ate. Well I'm all fine now. But I get so full after just 2 bites of what I ate. Hmm. Weird.

What Is It With You?

"PRANING"

That's the Tagalog word for paranoid. I feel a certain height of paranoia right now. And every kind of paranoia isn't exactly good. It's because I really want to see this friend of mine. Well we had a thing in the past. I just really miss hanging out with him ever since he left for the States.

It's been 2 years and still, I'm left here, hanging on to every word he has told me. I don't know why but he has always made me feel special even after what he did to me in the past. I feel all screwed up and I'm not really even sure if I'm thinking straight. Usually when someone does something really really bad to me I hate them for a long time. It would take ALOT for me to forgive them. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, it's like I forget, I forget about what he did to me and think that he has done so many good things for me and that shouldn't make all the bad stuff over weigh the good.

I know that I am absolutely stupid to be this way, but I just really want to get over him. It's been 3 years now and still nothing. People tell me that there are guys who are lining up there for me, but why don't I believe them?. Why don't I care?. It's almost like the only person who I want is him. But he hurt me, he made me scared to love again. Every time guys tell me I'm beautiful or pretty, I just brush them off. I guess it's because I think that I'm not pretty. The last guy who made me believe I was pretty broke me and made me think that the girl he traded me up for was prettier, smarter and much more better than me. I sometimes feel insecure because of him.

Which makes me feel confused about him. I really want closure on this subject and I don't know how this will really all come to an end.

Why Did I Shift

"Are you sure?"

I have been thrown that question today for a number of times. And every time I would be asked that question, I felt like I was in a game show,being asked by the host if I am absolutely positive about my answer, and well, I would answer yes. I got pretty sick of all the sermons by some of the profs in my college. I somehow felt glad that my blockmates respected my decision, and they're question would be "Why?".

My answer, I chose to shift to another course because I felt that I didn't belong to the world of drawing. I know that this sounds stupid but, during the enrollment I thought that I could see myself having a job after graduation, but sadly, as days progressed in my world of fine arts, I felt like I lost myself, there was this longing inside of me to want to write things, and it took months until I could write a song again. After finishing that song I felt so relieved and I have to admit that I missed writing. I guess that I don't get the same high from holding a pencil and a sketch pad. I feel more like myself when I express myself through writing. I do know that I was stunned to find out that I knew how to draw, and I didn't suck at it that much as I expected.

Then I truly know in my heart and mind that I'm not cut out for the world of fine arts. I love all kinds of art. I am an artist, but I may not be the artist that draws, I see myself as an artist of words. I easily get satisfaction after writing an unbelievably long essay. I have discovered my passion and it is writing, I'm just glad that it didn't take me that long to find it out.

The shifting part isn't exactly my cup of tea. It's very stressful and tiring. But there is a part of that doesn't care, because I'm doing something that I believe is right for me. The stress will all be worth it once I get into the course I have shifted in and of course once I graduate. I still have 3 years to go. Wish me luck and pray for me:)

Sometimes I Wish I Was A Boy:)))

Whenever there are long lines to the girls CR, I get all frustrated. While I look at the opposite side, meaning the boys CR. There in and out there soooo fast. It's unfair, is it because women have weaker bladder control?. Hell, IDK. But it's during those times that I wish that I was a guy, then I'd zoom in and out of the CR. Weird yes, but it's so much easier that way. Haha

Also, everytime my red days come, it totally sucks ass cause I have to be careful of well, every thing I do. It screws up alot of things, it makes me consious and plus, sometimes the pain is absouloutley unbearable. Another thing, red days make me bloated. This is why girls get easily irritated on these days, they make us feel like the world is on our shoulders, clinging for stupid reasons.

It's during these times that I wish i could just magically become a boy. Hell, I'd still want to turn back into a girl though. haha

I flunked a subject:|

Last Monday Aie called me from UST to tell me that I flunked my VP class, VP stands for visual perception. I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry, but I was too shy since I was with my guy friends whom I haven't seen for the longest time. They comforted me and well, I got tipsy from drinking, I guess I let out my frustrations on drinking. I was too carried away by my emotions. I don't regret what i did then, it's just that emotions are a very powerful thing.

It's Wednesday today and still, I haven't told my parents of my flunked subject. I'm too scared, I don't know what to do. This is the first time that I have ever failed a subject. It isn't really easy thinking of ways to tell your parents that you flunked a subject in college. Well, I'm praying that my parents will understand that I'm not really cut out for the world of advertising arts. I have told them of my idea of shifting and they approved. My parents love me so much that's why they let me choose what I want in my life. I love them just as much, that's why it's so tough to tell them of my flunk. I mean what exactly is the best way to tell your parents that you bombed a subject?

I also thank all of my friends who reassure me that everything will be alright. I love you all so so much. Thank you very much for comforting me when I need it the most. You know who you guys are. So thank you:)

Now, My hands are trembling, I feel really cold, tears are rolling down my face. I'm scared. Scared of what my parents will think or say. I haven't been this nervous to tell my parents about something I did ever since I was in the 4th grade. Every one knows I give my best in every thing I do, I just pray that my parents know that too. Wish me luck and may God bless me.

You Make Me Love You

Made another song, I don't know why I keep on writing love songs when I'm not even romantically involved with someone. I guess I'm just imagining the feeling of loving someone. Well, this is for all those love sick people our there:)

I'll call the whole world
Just to let you know
How sincere I am with you
I don't need anyone else with me
Except you, the person who completes me

There's something about you
That get's me so into you
As if no one else exists
Which only leaves you and me
Staring into each others soul

You bring out another side of me
A side no one but you has ever seen
I promised to take care of you
No matter how hard it may seem

I love you with every bit of me
I surrender myself to you
Because I believe that
You're the only one who will never hurt me

Love

Right now, I feel bad, but I didn't do anything bad at all. It hurts to think that when you've discovered something new, it's almost like a must to let another good thing go in your life. It makes you realize that love is a give and take situation. You can never just keep on taking, you also have to give in order for you to last as long as you know you will. AS I've grown up, I've seen and had friends who've come and gone. That's why I've learned that in every relationship, it's important to have trust, whether in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, or even friendships. For without trust, you will go on in your life always worrying and asking things that aren't even needed to be asked about.


I believe that nothing is more complicated than love. It's one thing in this world that we all try to figure out, but only very few actually understand it. They say that love is so blind that it can make you do crazy things. In my perspective, I don't call that love, love is true, love doesn't judge, love is simple once you find it. With love, most people realize what's been there all along, but then, with love, you're ready to let go when needed and just stay in the backseat, wishing that that was you sitting on that passenger's seat.

Jimmy Eat World - Kill Mp3

First Impressions Last

I suddenly got all lethargic and remembered my memorable first impressions on some of my friends. And trust me, they're not really pretty. If you're here on this blog post then my first impression of you is that memorable to me. haha. Let me remind my friends that I love each and every one of them and that every word that I am about to type is done purely out of my love for you. I love you guys, please don't kill me:))



First off I have Luisa Luz Estanislao Eastlaw. I met her when we were about in the 3rd grade. I was asked by our adviser to switch seats with her seatmate. When I was a kid I often never cared about other people's names, not unless they became my classmates. Well, in the 3rd grade it was the 1st time that I ever became classmates with Lulu. When I became her seatmate, of course I had to remember her name, so in an effort to gain her trust, I talked to her. But then, little old me couldn't remember her name. So I noticed that almost all of Lulu's things had tags on them. So every time I wanted to call her I would look first at her things, then I'd talk to her. It probably took me a week to memorize her name. I thought of Luisa as very innocent. Oh timo Lulu, akala ko innocent ka. haha!. Then the rest was as they say, HISTORY.:)




Next off I have Micaela Bettina Profeta. She is one of my most beloved friends. I swear that I love her so so much. Well, I met Mica when we were in the 6th grade. We were made into seatmates. At the same time we were in the same group for school projects. When I found out that we were groupmates, I swear I got soooo pissed off, to be honest I didn't like Mica and I didn't know why. Well, at first actually Mica and I hated each other's guts. But when we became seatmates, well, everyone who knows us would know that Mica and I love to make kwento, as in ALOT, so we got to talk to each other then, we learned that we had soooo much in common. Then there. ILY and IMY Micaela!:)



Then there's Ma. Angelica Marcelino. I only knew that Angelica existed when we were in the 5th grade and she ran for student body president. Well, with me being a typical girl and being friends with her opponent Diana Pacapac. Well of course I was rooting for Diana, but Angelica won. So I didn't like her for that, yuck I was sooo immature back then. haha. Then when we became classmates in the 1st year of high school we started talking to each other more and we became really good friends. Even our moms are friends;))



Si Pauline May Isip. Haaay Pauline. When I got to know Pauline in grade school to be honest I thought she was weird. No offense Pauline. ILY naman eh. haha!. Kasi nung time na yun you like had an imaginary friend and we were in the 5th grade then so imaginary friends weren't exactly the most hip and happening thing to ever happen. haha. But then nung high school, when we became classmates and soon seatmates, I learned to like your weird personality. Dude you rock for that. You're never boring to hang around with. haha. And I could have gotten a bit of my craziness from you. Anyway ILY Pauline:))




Next is Eddduuuuuu, the boy I call mah Squishy:)). I first met him a McDo. Then we went to this KTV, uhh, my 1st impression was, gosh your loud. haha!. I just got shocked by your personality that's all, super out there ka kasi eh. You like kept on shouting at my cousin and all that. But ever since we actually started to talk to each other, my view changed, makakarelate din pala tayo sa isa't isa. haha. Then now we're super friends!:))



Soooo, Vincent Valwin Danao, btw I never get to ask you why Valwin?. Curious lang ako. haha!. Anyway, I met Dani when I was in the 2nd year of high school, well halos acquaintance lang kami dalawa. haha. Anyway, I saw him again the same time I first met Edu. Actually you didn't talk to any of the girls that's why I thought that we would never be friends. . haha. I felt talaga that we wouldn't get to be friends. Natakot ako sa inyong lahat sa barkada, IDK why, siguro nga dahil ang tatangkad ninyong lahat, nanliit ako. haha!. Tsaka maybe it was because of like, you different personalities. But hell, your personlities made you guys fun to be with. Well then through time, naging close din tayo Dani!. haha. Cool right?. Anyway Hi best friend!>:D<



Last is Ram, akala ko tahimik ka din. haha. Believe me or not, kala ko pa nga innocent ka eh, innocent nga ba?:>, haha!. Anyway, well, actually, I never thought that I would be friend with any of you, di kasi tayo nag uusap, but oh well, things change right?. Pero loko ka pala, saya mo din kasama like yer other kabarkada's. Thanks nga pala Ram sa pagtago ng mga alam mo na:)))))

So there you go, these were my first impressions regarding these friends of mine. Well I guess because of them, I learned that first impressions aren't exactly what makes the person, but the kind of person they are when you actually get to know them after that first impression step. And I love all of my friends for that!:)

Saggy Eyes=Stressed Patsy

I have never felt this tired like, ever. College is honestly stressing me out. I really feel my eye bags bringing my eyes down. Even my parents noticed. It's actually all written on my face. The stress is basically seen on my face.

It really is true that the people in our building are the ones who never sleep. We stay up all night just to finish our plates. 'Cause of that I honestly look like one of the zombies in the thriller MV. Make-up has become one of my best friends now, due to the stress that is written on my face.

My friends tell me to rest, so I'm resting now. I don't know if my shock is from culture shock or I really am just not good at handling my time. I don't know, either way, I still look like this:



That's what doing plates 24/7 does to you. It makes you feel so crazy that you don't know how to let it all out. Well, I have to bid farewell for now, I have a theology paper to write. Yaaaaaaay:|

Loser Patsy:))

I was going through some of my old things until I stumped over one of my old notebooks. My aunt gave it to me as a christmas present, waay back when I was I think in the 3rd or 2nd grade. It was almost like my diary. This was where I put in my random thoughts. I felt free writing in it. I loved writing in it since the paper was black and I wrote in it with colored metallic pens.

As I was scanning through the pages, I read A LOT of loser-ish things. There was even a story on how godzilla met barbie. Talk about sabaw. LOL. Until I saw this "The If Page". IT was filled whith a bunch of if questions. Here's the list of the questions and beside them are my answers. Be prepared to witness my loser-ish-ness:)):

I were an animal, I'd be... horse

I were really famous at something it would be.... singing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....clothes

I were a school lunch, I'd be... a sandwich

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... pizza

I could change my name, It's change it to... Hannah

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... my clothes

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Oops I did It Again

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Lily

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Miggy

Looking at this page made me laugh til me tummy hurt and it also made me realize on what a pathetic loser I was. LOL

Of course if I were to answer these now I would sooooo answer them differently. Let me anwer them now. haha:


I were an animal, I'd be... dove

I were really famous at something it would be.... writing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....helping those whos suffered in the typhoon

I were a school lunch, I'd be... tapsiXD

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... still a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... it would be a cross between california rolls or paellaXD

I could change my name, It's change it to... I wouldn't change my name. I love it already:)

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... probably my nose or my huge forehead

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Magasin by the Eraserheads

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Abigail Rosemary

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Christopher Thames

haha. I answered most of them differently. I guess it really does show that I've growned up even if there was just a little progress:))

Philippine Wipe Out

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

HSSian Ka Kasi...

I miss HSS so so so much. I guess you could say i was reminiscing while making this. To those who wish to repost this pls give credit to Patsy Carrillo. I have rights too yah know:))


Oh yeah, and you're welcome to add anything to the list. Just as long as it isn't offensive. Anything that you know makes HSS HSS. Have fun reading it, because I sure had fun writing this. Truth in love;):p


HSS-ian ka kasi:



1. Nahuli kang maikli yung socks at yung chemise. Mas lalo na yung chemise, mahuhuli ka talaga pag hindi ka naka chemise. Hala!

2. Pinagalitan ka na ni Ms. Penetrante, kulit mo noh?. (peace Ms. P!)

3. Pag practice para sa mass ganadong ganado ka kumanta, pero pagdating sa real thing, mananahimik ka lang at nakatulala sa space, nagtataka kung aabot pa ba yung 3rd subject mo sa mass o kung pagbibigyan kayo na recess na agad after mass.

4. Memorize mo na yung 5 favorite words ni Sister Tess. “May God bless us all.”

5. Pag nakakakita ka ng madre feel mo kilala ka nila at kilala nila si Sister Tess kaya na prepressure ka at kailangan mong mag greet.

6. Feel mo na yung mga teacher mo dapat sa school lang nakikita. Alalahanin mo, hindi sila bawal gumala katulad mo, tao din sila hija!

7. Kahit wala ka naming dalang electronic gadget sa school at nagkaka inspection parang feel mo magkaka heart attack ka na sa nerbyos kasi parang pakiramdam mo biglaang lilitaw sa bag mo yung cp, digicam, ipod/mp3, etc na mga gamit mo.

8. Pag mainit at break time takbo ka agad sa guidance room o library para tumambay.

9. Nagka jarbs(jabar) ka na at nakita toh ng mga kaklase mo.

10. Either nanenerbyos kang makipag usap sa lalaki o masyado kang atat na makipag kilala sa mga lalaki.

11. Pag gigimick ka after school at sasabay ka sa kaibigan, maghahanap ka ng kahit anong rason para lang ma-signan yan permission letter mo. Siyempre yung mga good seeds dyan ng HSS walang problema. May good seeds nga ba?. Haha. Eh ikaw?

12. Nag hahanap ka ng kahit anong lusot para makatambay sa clinic kasi ayaw mong mag attend sa class. Kunyari hihingi ka lang ng agua oxehynada(tama ba yung spelling?) eh umupo ka na don at kinausap mo na yung mga batang pumapasok sa clinic na may sugat o sakit at kilalang kilala na ni Tita Ces yang muhka mo kaya parang onti na lang maglalagay siya ng poster sa clinic na banned ka na don. Yari ka!:))

13. Nahihirapan ka minsan mamili ng damit pag pwede na mag civilian. Dami kasing bawal eh. Pero alam kong madami dyang pume-pekpek shorts(ok now that sounded soooo gross when I typed it. LOL) sa HSS. I've seen it with my own eyes.

14. Pag nag dala ka ng lalaki sa HSS isip agad ng mga tao na boyfriend mo siya, not unless grabe naman siya sa pagkatanda o grabe naman sa pagka bata, ano ka?, pedo?. Haha!

15. Pag bus ka at ayaw mo pang umuwi magtatago ka sa conductor mo, pero pag iniwan ka naman parang miserableng miserable ka at ewan mo kung pano ka uuwi.

16. Morning routine mo usually, makipag siksikan sa locker bago mahuli ni Mrs. Mariano na late, mag line sa tapat ng init, mag dasal tapos mag ingay sa class. Usually ah. Haha.

17. Nawbwibwiset ka dahil sa liit ng canteen natin at sa mahal ng pagkain. Simpleng nilalang lang kasi tayo, diba?. Aminin niyo, mga tipid tayong lahat sa HSS:))

I'm At A Confused State Right Now:|

When I arrived at the grocery to meet up with my dad last Thursday. He immediately opened up the topic about my course. He asked me if I really do want my course. My answer?. Well, I just raised my shoulders in an "I don't know manner", because I'm not really sure if this is what I want.

I guess I do miss writing, A LOT. It's been a big part of me after all. Maybe that's what I want to do, write. Then, I was thinking about shifting and all the troubles it would cause me and other people. But, is it all really worth the stress?

Hell, I don't know, I'm still confused about what I want. After all not everyone knows what they want. Every single decision we make as humans could be critical to the survival of one. I may be getting a bit carried away here, but hey, it could happen, we never know right?.

You must be thinking that maybe the smell of the paints I've been using lately have gone to my head, you may be wrong or you could even be right. I believe that I'm not thinking straight these days. My mind has been on a constant loop. Maybe it just needs time to reset itself, hmm, I don't know.

Lies

Lies. They make up our whole existence. This is one of the basic principles of life that every human has to learn. Whether we hate it or love it, we still have to accept it.

We often say that we hate it when people lie to us. But how about us lying to them?. Isn't it the same thing?. We should never say that all is fair in that way.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. None of us our perfect. Which makes us feel that life is so unfair.

Even in my possible career in the future, I have to sometimes sell lies. And to think, I never even thought it possible to sell lies. I only thought about it I guess around last week.

The problem is, lies are an inescapable circumstance. It benefits all, but it also destroys us.

Lies are the "loophole" of the life contract we unknowingly signed with God.