Tirrreeeddd

Have you ever felt like the whole universe is conspiring to get your ass out of anything you suddenly set your eyes on?. I feel like once I've committed to something something just starts to try to push me back down. I try my best to work hard, why the hell do you people think I haven't been updating for the last month or so. I've been busy like hell. I kinda like it and I don't.

I feel so tired lately. I've been falling asleep in some of classes, ok that is funny but I really hope that my professors see my effort and pass me.

I'll be updating more now. My professor has got me doing essays every week, fun right?

What have I been up to?

I haven't blogged in about a week now, I just haven't had time. Finally the prelims are over and I can semi-relax. So far I haven't failed any prelim exam, just waiting for the Algebra exam results and praying that I get a passing grade. And semi-relax because ever since summer school started I've been studying non-stop, I've studied more than I did during the whole 2 semesters of my regular classes. No I wasn't a bum, I only studied when there would be a quiz or a graded recitation, these days since summer classes are obviously short, professors tend to make their lectures faster. So almost every day I have a quiz in one or two subjects and I have 3 subjects a day. Ugh, after this i need to study about South and West Asia for our geography class which is at 7 in the morning. BUMMER. I move so slow in the morning, I wake up at 4 leave the house at around 5:30 if I'm feeling active but then if I'm too butt ass lazy I'll leave at around 6 and get to school at around 6:30.

Well my tattoo's gone, alot of people at school noticed it and asked if it was real. haha. I wish. I would really want to get a real one at the right time, I feel like I need more depth in my life before I actually get a tattoo.

Last weekend my family and I went up to the chilly city of Tagaytay to somewhat get away from the insanity that is Manila. I will post pictures, once I have the time. Right now I'm doing our report which is due on the 17th, yes I'm doing it in advance because I'm stalling myself from studying for tomorrow's quiz. LOL

Panic Attack

Honestly I'm really sleepy and I want to sleep, but I can't cause I'm effing nervous about my grades.

I mean I've done my best, but will my professors think it's enough. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Slowly, breathe, breathe. This whole week I keep on saying to myself "Wala akong bagsak". Because I can't afford another 5 in my card. If I get 3 more I will be debared from UST. I CAN'T TAKE THAT.


I seriously pray that I won't get another 5. I worked my ass off, most especially since I got the chicken pox and missed about 2 whole weeks of school. I've been praying non stop and I've been hoping for even just a 3 on my stat subject. I swear that a 5 free card would make my day and it would also give me the privilege to be allowed by my parents to go out and be a bit of a screw up before summer classes start.

Lord please please please, don't let me have any failing remarks. I hope you understand how much I worked. If I do have a failing remark maybe, just maybe the Lord has something else planned for me. But I really do hope I have no 5's please please.

I know that most people wouldn't obsess over grades but you seriously don't know how I was raised, when I got a line of 7 in my report card when I was in the 6th grade I balled like a little baby, yes, that's how ignorant I felt. I really pushed for my grade to become an 80 and it did, ever since then I really did try my best in academics.

Grades will be released online in a few hours. Pray for me please. For the meanwhile I will remain positive and say "I PASSED EVERYTHING. I PASSED EVERYTHING."

Stress is the word

I've been effing lazy for 2 weeks now. I haven't been that productive in school and I'm starting to think that I'll be failing statistics.

Lately I haven't gone online, well ok I have but the internet connections been whack, so my mom had to nag smart bro to get this whole shiz fixed. Now I'm sleepy, so I'm cranky. My dad just nagged and told me that someone should be answering the phone. I was pretty upset cause I was watching this whole movie for my RC subject and I couldn't get to the phone and the fact that there are about 5 more people in this house made me think that they could get it insted and well the phone wasn't beside me. This evening was the 2nd time I answered my dad in an angry tone. I predict that when my dad gets home he'll sermon me.

Ugh. That's why right after I make this blogpost I'll go to bed, even though I still have shitloads to do.

I have a 5 page paper due in 3 weeks for RC, a speech that I seriously have no topic for for my English final, a commercial for Theology and a newspaper for my major subject.

I FEEL LIKE DYING. Help me think of a topic for my English speech please. These are topics I've thought about: Libyan uprising, student vices, EDSA 25 years after.

To top it all off, I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK. I can't think of anything creative to put into words. This blogpost doesn't count. haha

Oh dear God help me.

Irked

It's been 4 days since I've gone to school. I feel really itchy. Fvck. MUST RESIST. haha

Thank God it's a Friday so I won't really have to miss so much more. I've preoccupied myself with things. I watched the first Harry Potter movie, on DVD of course. Then I started to study on my other notes. And I read the book my friend Joni gave to me on my birthday. It's been about 4 months since my birthday and only last night did I decide to read the book my friend gave me. LOL

The book is Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. I actually indirectly asked my friend for this book. My other friends told me that Eleven Minutes was really good. So I decided to put it on my wishlist for my birthday. Anyway the book is really nice and I kinda have to take a break from reading it. It's basically about a Brazilian prostitute, got you thinking didn't I?. haha

So I haven't really been eating with ease either. On Monday I started getting some pox in my mouth. The one on the roof of my mouth hurts alot. I can't eat much so I've reduced myself my soft foods. Mainly ice cream and soup. I eat chips every now and then but it just hurts a lot. Err. I can't even eat well.

Well the spots are slowly fading. If this continues I might get to go to school by Wednesday. HOPEFULLY.

What the Pox?!

Today I found out that I've got chickenpox. Greeeaaaatt. I'm about to miss the last 2 weeks of classes for this year. Whoopde-doo. Notice my enthusiasm, which is dabbed with complete sarcasm by the way.

When I woke up last Sunday I had a nightmare that I was crying cause I missed alot of my classes. Never thought it would actually come true. Being absent in college sucks. In college it's every man or in my case every woman for herself. And to add to that I'm an irregular cause I shifter courses, so I don't have a permanent section. I mean I have friends in almost all my classes except Bio and English. Don't get me wrong I mean the sections I'm taking those classes in are friendly but I haven't really quite gotten any friends there that would help me if I missed any classes. And then I also have this subject which is Rizal course, my professor there used to by professor in Asian Civ last semester, with him you get an incentive in your grade if you come to his class every meeting. I got an incentive last semester, so much for an incentive this semester. Oh yeah and we also have this quiz for RC next Monday, still figuring out how I'm going to get to take that quiz.

Anyway, last Sunday morning I woke up with these bloches all over my face, I thought they were just pimples, but then they started spreading all over my body. So I went to a nearby clinic and I feared that it was chickenpox, but the doctor told me it wasn't. He told me it was just some skin allergies. Then he told me I could go to school the next day. So I did. My friend put her arm around mine. Uh-oh. I hope she's up to date with her shots or that she's already had chickenpox.

I doubted the doctor's diagnosis, so I decided not to go to school today and have another check up. When I woke up this morning I felt worse, my head started to ache, I got a sore throat, the bloches started looking even gross and I started getting one of the roof of my mouth. Looks like the medications the 1st doctor gave me aren't working. My mom went out on a business trip so I practically begged my dad to take me to the hospital, I was supposed to go alone but I hated people staring at me ever since that accident I had in the 2nd grade, when people stare at me I can't help but feel all worried. Well my dad is really busy so him taking me to the hospital really helped me alot. When we got to the dermatologist she was with another patient, so she let us sit down and wait for about 5-10 mins. She was this old lady but very nice and heavily adorned with jewelry that I'm sure would've cost more than tuition fee. haha. Anyway she asked what my problem was and she took one look at me and told me it was chickenpox. She was pretty flabbergasted that the 1st doctor never thought it was chickenpox when the way I appeared you could easily tell I had chicken pox. She told me I couldn't go to school for 2 weeks ans she wrote me and excuse note. I was tearing up in her office cause I couldn't miss 2 weeks os school, but I had no choice, I couldn't infect other people with what I had.

As my dad and I went home he told me he would talk to my college's dean and see what he could do about my situation. My dad called UST and they asked him to write a letter and attach the doctor's certificate to it. See that's how much my dad loves me, he drove all the way from here to UST just for me. And let me tell you that I leave really far away from UST, like an hour away if you drive it. I hope my professors would really be considerate and send me assignments or something. It is after all the Christmas season. Ho-ho-ho

Well this is it for me, I figured that I shouldn't be moping around cause it won't get me anywhere. I'm still praying that my professors won't condemn me for being absent for the last 2 weeks of school for the year. haha. Well here is a smile from me to you.

I plan to have a Harry Potter marathon tomorrow if I'm feeling better. haha. I have nothing else to do. After all my mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me to not feel stressed. I CAN GET OVER THIS!:)

Bitchy Mood

I'm not really into the mood to talk to anyone, as in opening my mouth and actually saying things. I feel depressed. I don't want to listen to alot of people now. Every time someone opens their mouth I just wish they would shut up. I know, I'm not exactly little miss sunshine today. I don't plan to elaborate on why i feel this way. Just understand that I do.

People here try to cheer me up but it doesn't work. I get all tense and teary eyed. Weird right?. Maybe the feeling I have right now is much more deeper. Maybe it's coming from somewhere I never thought even existed.

I won't be going to school tomorrow. I'll be missing alot. I hope they don't do much tomorrow so I won't miss alot of activities.

Social Justice

Our Theo professor asked us to make a reaction/realization paper regarding what we learned in our previous topic which was "Social Justice". Kinda weird but I first typed it here, I guess words flow more naturally for me here when I blog. So here goes my essay:

Social justice. Justice in general is something that we all seek. Whether it be for others or for ourselves. Everyday we see different people in different places, we all want the same thing, CHANGE. Being able to have the actual power to make that chance is a pretty big responsibility that alot are given but very few actually take advantage of that. I, try to do my part as best as I can. I save up, donate some of my savings to a charity and feel like, "There I've done my part somehow." But still seeing the mess reminds of how screwed up life is and how much attention it actually needs.

Being able to discuss the importance of social justice in theology further enlightens us on how much work we need to put into to save our world. I already got to watch the film by Joey Velasco (may he R.I.P) when I was around 4th year high school and getting to watch the film reminds you of how lucky you actually are to have objects in your life that most of the time you incessantly whine about. You slowly realize that you're a part of something bigger than yourself. We were all made in this world for a special purpose or maybe even special purposes, to atleast fulfill part of those purposes as to help those who actually need it. I mean who are we to complain about not eating at the right time or not getting the gadget we wanted for our birthday, when someone out there would feel lucky enough to get 2 cans of sardines on their dining table which they feel is enough to feed their family. I know that I complain alot, I'm not perfect and neither is the world. But I will help make a difference in this world because I know I can.

Painting above is by Joey Velasco I believe it's entitled "Hapag ng Pag-asa". Sorry but correct me if I'm wrong.