There are so many things in life that i wish i could change.

One of them my weight. I've been struggling with my weight for almost a year now. I lost some weight just last week but it's like it's not enough.

In order to go on with the journey of losing weight i gave up sweets and softdrinks. I decided to eat healthy.

I only spoil myself about once a week and that's after i've had salas or fish for dinner. But i guess tonight that just doesn't cut it.

I feel so bad about myself more than ever. I don't feel like eating anymore. I know it's bad, but i feel as if the things i'm doing aren't enough. I'm still fat in some people's eyes.

I really hope i can get my confidence back.

I haven't updated in a while now huh?

Well I've been busy, probably the busiest summer I've had so far. I'm not really a big fan of working in newspapers ever since I really thought about working for PR.

I guess the thing is, it's hard to work when you know you're not appreciated. Some people think that the whole reverse psychology thing works but truth is it doesn't. Some ass thought probably thought about it and just gave a word for it so people wouldn't feel so bad when they were told they suck.

It makes you think twice about yourself. About who you really are and if you're actually up for the job.

I'm not ready for the world after college. I don't think no one ever is. I just hope that knowing that you're not great at something wouldn't hurt so much.

My Funny Valentine

I know it's kind of cheesy that i'm posting this on valentine's day but whatever.

I have been dating this boy (or man as he likes much better. Haha) for 7 months now but he's only been my boyfriend for 2 months.

I know that my boyfriend loves me so so much. And I appreciate every single thing he does for me.

He's that type of person that would probably even go to the ends of the earth just to make me happy. He's that type of guy that well... even when we fight he'll still go to Quiapo to buy the film i need for my photojrn class even though we were cold to each other.

He's that guy that will wait for me for 2 or even 4 hours after his dismissal just for us to be able to have lunch together or just so he could take me home.

He even went to Binondo all the way from Taytay just so I wouldn't be "tampo" at him.

He's that guy that listens to what I actually tell him and he acts like he's still courting me even though we've been together for months.

I love his crazy antics and his looney yet corny jokes. I love how we looks at me with those deep brown eyes of his. It reminds me that I'm special in his eyes.

I love how he seems to always take my breath away with every word he says. And yes I know he's good looking, I've had my eyes on him ever since he introduced himself in one of our meetings, I thought he was cute but slightly sabaw.

He makes me feel special, every single day. He loves me no matter how embarrassing I am and I love him no matter how embarrassing he is. We may not be perfect individually but I guess that's what makes us perfect for each other.

I love you baby. I hope you know how much I appreciate you and that I actually listen to your stories no matter how many times I've heard them. LOL. One day I'll learn how to cook and I'll cook for you(pag hindi sunog.) Always remember that I'll be your sunshine in a not so shiny day. I love you:*

Mushy mushy

I rarely do these kinds of posts, but anyway, I feel so so fortunate and blessed to have the best boyfriend ever.

He takes care of me whenever he can. He makes sure that I feel loved every day of the week. He knows me as well as my best friend Lulu does. He's sort of like my best friend too. Haha

He says sorry for the things that he shouldn't even be sorry about. He is just as insane as I am and i love that part because I have been waiting for so long for someone who'll accept how insane I am and who'll be just as insane as me. And thank God I found him.

I know it's totally cheesy and mushy. But i just really want him to know how absolutely special he is to me.

He keeps me sane in my most craziest days. Whenever I'm upset he always checks on me to be sure that i'm doing alright. I love him no matter what, I love him because he is such a wonderful person. I love him to bits. Thank you baby. Thank you and I love you:)

3am

You know something's really bad when you start crying uncontrollably all because you can't stop yourself from thoughts of getting hurt.

Most often the mind is a dangerous thing to be left alone with. I haven't felt this way in years. Words can't explain what I understand and what i wish to understand.

I've been waking up at 3am without any alarm clock and i find myself trying to force myself to go back to sleep in the next hour or so.

Maybe i'm just afraid. Fear devours me when i'm not sure what to say, when i'm just simply too damn afraid to feel experience hurt all over again.

I'll try to go to sleep. I still have class in the morning.

Another Bump in the Road

Another day another way to incessantly argue.

I was never really the type to talk back at her parents, trust me, I still am that type. It just take it all in and go to the bathroom and cry it all out. Apparently that's what made me thick skinned. I haven't cried in months.

Today felt a familiar sting. The sting of pressure, I get enough of that from my friends now from my mom. It's getting tiring, a person can only take so much until they explode.

Since I'm the only kid at home I get more time with the people here and thus more focus usually. Which can either suck or go a better direction.

I guess I feel pressured because I don't know who to talk to. And I have no idea why I'm splurging my thoughts on my blog for the world to see. Maybe I'm just lonely, since my sister is off somewhere distant for college while I'm stuck here, also in college, but stuck here.

Maybe the other reason why I actually want to leave is to escape everything. It's only July and I still have a long way to go. Now as I stare into my monitor with my eyes red and swollen I think about every single thing that made me cry.

I need to be stronger than this and remember that this is just another bump in the road.

Blasphemy

Blasphemy, hell that's what I keep on hearing last week.

This whole Lady Gaga thing is being blown out of proportion and it certainly is weird when it comes in the midst of some local celebrities making comments about the third sex and about the whole same sex marriage thing.

Here's my stand on both issues, so here it goes about the first one, I personally love Lady Gaga and I've been wanting to watch her ever since she first came here because I believe she's an amazing performer and her songs speak about her, oh yeah and she's not afraid of being different.

What I don't get right now actually is why are they protesting only now?. Since she's been here before then they should've protested then. I understand about keeping to your faith and all. I'm a catholic always have and will most likely always be catholic, probably not a devout one but I am still a catholic and I own up to my mistakes. These people in protests keep on saying that Lady Gaga's the spawn of the devil because of her song Judas oh yeah and because of the video too, but calling her that well I think that's too much. The whole Judas song is actually about her ex boyfriend who cheated on her, I know that listening to them would tell a different story to you but to each his own right?. Lady Gaga's an artist and like every artist her work is certainly subject to interpretation, whether it bring praise or it be under scrutiny it's still art. I'd like to believe that I'm somehow an artist and artists love to express themselves in different ways and this is just how Lady Gaga does it, with her many adoring fans, which probably also confuses some people who hate her, why the hell does she have so many fans?. I think the answer to that is Lady Gaga embraces difference, which some of us shun. Admit it, you've laughed or even said a mean joke about someone you think isn't like you. I guess Lady Gaga sees past that and these people need someone to cling on when they feel harassed or treated unfairly.

Now on the LGBT group, I have alot of friends who are gay, bi, lesbian and transgender which may speak for who I am now, but I will admit in the past that when I was in high school I was never really in favor of the whole having a relationship with someone of the same sex. But when I got to college my horizons started to widen, how the hell was I supposed to have such a closed mind on these people when I feel that they're being treated differently. I understood how hard it was to be of the third sex and to be afraid of not being accepted because of a friend I met, at first she was hesitant to tell me about what sexual orientation she was because she said that usually people tend to judge and shun people like her if they don't really understand. That's when it hit me that those who are in the whole LGBT group aren't any different than us, we just make them out to be different because we are too stern in believing that man and woman should only be together. We forget about how many feelings we hurt, how many people we say shouldn't be themselves all because of our beliefs. Every Sunday at church I'm taught that God accepts everyone even the sinners so to my understanding God will accept those children who are different because he also created them. Maybe we tend to forget about God creating everyone to his own liking. And the whole same sex marriage thing, well love is love, who are we to stop it?. So since these people like someone of the same sex doesn't mean that they should lose all right in this world. 

We always want what's best for us, and eventually they become selfish thoughts. We tend to forget people around us. It's like rank, money, fame and success matter more than an actual person.

We forget that there are other people in this world, greed gets the best of us. Yes thinking about yourself sometimes isn't bad, but can't we just be happy for someone?. Does sitting in the sidelines hurt too much that we would choose spiteful words and just severe all ties. Maybe we forget that the people we hate on also have feelings and that it could hurt them knowing that the people around them aren't happy for them.

I recently realized that hating on someone won't get you everywhere. Ok, you hate someone, you'll get over it eventually, what is hating on someone for a short while if you've lost them your whole life.

Prayers, Love and Hope

Today my friend Angelica and I along with my mom and Angelica's dad visited our high school principal Sister Teresita or as we'd like to call her Sister Tess. We had recently found out that she had been struck with tongue cancer. Yes, there is such a thing as tongue cancer, even Sister was shocked to have heard of it.

As we waited in the visitors area at first we all whispered about who we know have visited her. Then Sister came and we all took turns hugging her. She's thinner than before but for someone who's going though a lot of cancer treatment she looks good, to be honest. She then spoke, she couldn't pronounce well or as we call it here in the Philippines "bulol" , it was because of all the therapy she was going through. Although prior to that, during the early stages, of which when she hadn't found out yet that it was cancer, wherein she couldn't speak and hat to use a chalkboard to let people know what she wanted to say.

Thank God now she can talk. Sadly since she was "bulol" we couldn't understand half of what she was saying but we understood most of her stories. The one that touched us the most was when she told us that St. Therese of the child Jesus was her patron saint, she would pray to her everyday, and one time she asked St. Therese please send me one rose as a sign than I am getting better, a few days after, just this Thursday to be exact Angelica and I along with our other high school friends were supposed to visit Sister but we missed her when she left for some treatments. So we left her our gifts.That night when she got to the convent the lady at the front desk had given her our gifts, and one of them was a bouquet of roses. She hugged them and cried and said St. Therese I was asking for only one. Hopefully with that sign it really does mean that she's getting better.

As she was telling us stories she was actually smiling and at times laughing. It was such a delight to see someone of her predicament to still have a smile on her face. She even said that she accepts her fate and is constantly praying to God.

The whole visit Sister Tess mostly did all the talking, since she does love to talk, despite her condition which I found awesome of her, since she still has that fighting and tenacious spirit that I remember when I was in high school. The four of us in the room with her didn't say much, maybe because we were caught off guard about how her condition and maybe we felt that if we talked too much it would tire Sister Tess, but it seemingly did not tire her.

It's definitely hard to see someone close to you to go through such a large obstacle in life, in this case cancer, most especially a mentor like persona. But Sister through my eyes is an inspiration because she accepts what she's going through and she continues to fight it.

Right now she asks for prayers from everyone and as I hugged her goodbye I reassured her that we will continuously be praying for her. As I wiped off tears while walking away, in my head I said "God please help her."

To those of you reading this, please please please pray for her recovery and if you don't really pray then just think of a positive thought that she will get through this.

<--This is me and my friend Rosa with Sister Tess taken at our high school graduation.

makeover rush

it's almost 12 and i'm still not asleep, i have a lot on my mind and i have an 8:30am class tomorrow, crap i hope i won't be late. anyway:


Last Saturday my sister and her friend worked on their project for their technology and living education subject, their project was to make someone over, with full hair and make up one evening look and one day look. they used me as their dummy/model and i asked my good friend Jonathan Balonso (you could check out some of his awesome shots here http://www.flickr.com/photos/jonathanbalonso/) to take photos.

the mood was fun yet panicky at the same time since clothes and make up were everywhere and we had to get it all done early. here are ze results:

day look 1

day look 2

evening 1

evening 2

the girls were the one's who put make up on me and they were the one's who chose the clothes. i apologize for not really being at par with mediocre models. LOL. so what do you guys think about what they did?. i think they did a superb job:)

Hanggang Ngayon

i made this WAAAAAY back in '07, i believe i posted this on my multiply blog. i was inspired by friends of mine who were a couple at the time. now they're not together but it was nice to see how much they actually loved each other back then:)

1.Nung nagkahiwalay ay parang gumuho ang mundo ko

Ang tanging inaasam ay makita kang muli

Pinangako sa isa’t-isa na magmamahal ng habang buhay

Ngunit bakit nagkaganito sinasadya ba ng tadhana?

Chorus:

Hanggang ngayon ay handa akong ialay ang buhay para sa ‘yo

Ang laging pangarap ay makasama ka muli

Pero bakit ganon at lumalayo ka na sa aking piling

Dinarasal kong bawat gabi na sana bumalik ang dating pag-ibig

2.Bakit ganito, talaga bang sinasadya bang kailangang magkalayo?

Sa tuwing iniisip ka lumuluha ang aking mga mata

Bumabalik ang mga nakaraan ang ating mga kasihayan

Bawat oras ay hindi kita matanggal sa isip dahil sa….

Chorus again

Refrain: 

Hindi ko sinasyadyang ikaw ay masakatan

Ginawa ko lang naman ang mga ito para sa ‘yo

Dahil ikaw lang ang tanging mahal ng sa buhay ko

i seem to need a reality check

i dreamt about him the other night. i have no idea if you people know who him is, well idc, this is my blog so imma post about it anyway. i may probably be in a cranky mood since i'm slightly sleepy and i need some rest.

anyway back to my dream, we saw each other again in a movie theater and he had a new girlfriend. yeah i summed the story up because it's too long and i can't remember the rest. this whole thing is fucked up to me because we haven't talked in months and he has a girlfriend and i would like to say that i have a boyfriend or a fling or just someone i have a connection with right now, but no, fact is with the billions of people in this world it's hard to find an actual connection, even if it's just temporary.

maybe i'm just frustrated that i haven't quite found one of those so called "the one" crap. i may probably be having one of "those days", where i'm bitter, i'm all alone bla bla bla and all that shit. trust me this has gone on, this will pass, i've gone through one of these episodes, but when will i eventually stop having these episodes?. soon i hope.

new year, new rants

"Ang ganda naman ni Patricia, may boyfriend ka na ba?"

That's what I always here from my aunt's and uncle's whenever we see each other, i smile then politely say "wala po eh". then cue light laugh, this has practically been a routine for me. if i had a peso for everytime someone asked me that I would probably have 40 or 50 pesos, enough to buy a light snack or something else.

But the thing is I don't get a peso for it. The first few times people would ask me that I wouldn't mind it, but I guess now it just got to me. I don't get pissed because I get asked that ALL the time, but maybe it's because I feel like the universe is conspiring to remind me that I'm single. I've been single for 4 years now (oh shit, it's been that long?), so I know the whole lovey dovey thing. The parts when someone texts you good morning and tells you i'll call you tonight and you talk until you both fall asleep. We weren't legal at that time, meaning our parents didn't know but his parents found out and they were cool with it, mine never found out.

Anyway maybe I've peeved by the feeling that "i found someone i was really happy with and i had an actual relationship with. then why the hell can't I find someone else to fill that void he left?". When i should actually be looking for someone better. Yes there are guys who've flirted with me, tried to court me, some I haven't responded to, some I've even flirted back with, they just probably didn't know that I was flirting back, cause when I flirt oh dear God I suck at that shit. Seriously, I have the flirtatious knowledge of a pen, trust me when I flirt it's like I'm just plain talking to someone.

Some of my guy friends say that I'm hard to get or that I'm choosy, maybe because they know the fck a guy goes through to get a girl to be their girlfriend, the thing is, don't I have just the same right as those guys do?. The girl who actually is willing to give herself to a guy, doesn't she have as much on the line as the guy?. Don't I have the right to choose the guy I'm going to go end up with?

I know that someone asked me once what if the guy that i didn't like made a super grand gesture for me and asked me to be his girlfriend, would i then answer him yes?, i said no, i still wouldn't be his girlfriend, even though I know it would be one of the biggest insults I would make but better to have the guys heart broken for that one time rather than have his heart broken for the length of the time he and i would be together, knowing that the whole relationship is a lie.

Who am I to talk about being wooed, when I know I'm not the prettiest person in the world, I'm not perfect. I just need someone who wouldn't be embarrassed to be around my insanity, someone who's actually willing to listen to me and well although i seem to be pushing them away that guy shouldn't be afraid to go and chase me because he knows I'm worth it.


I'll be 20 in a few months, I've gained about 10 lbs(meaning i don't fit into some of my clothes anymore) and well my love life went from about 50% awesome to absolutely non-existent. Yes there is a part of me that wishes that this will all get better soon.

me with an enthusiastic thumbs up. cheers to the new year everyone. BTW I will try my best to start updating my blog more:)

I haven't updated in a while, like 3 or 4 months i think, I've been crazy busy with school and I've been dealing with a lot.

I've been on sembreak for almost a month now and I've been really wanting to update my blog I just haven't had my thoughts together. Until now my thoughts are still screwed up but here I am typing away on my netbook. I have no idea if I'm so frustrated or angry with people. All I know is I'm disappointed, disappointed in the fact that there are actual people out there who watch out for their own pride rather than thinking about the people who really matter in their lives.

No I won't be telling in detail what's been going on my life, I rather not make that public. Point is, relationships are built to either bring people together or tear them apart. God or some higher power gives us situations and I believe it's up to us on how we deal with them. Most of the time we screw up on that shit, why?, because we never really think about the consequences, we decide when we're angry or when we're absolutely happy. Truth is 70% of the time we decide out of strong emotions not from thinking about it really hard which leads us to regret it, or we just stay assholes and pretend that we don't care, well some us don't really give a damn do we?

Relationships are there to help someone, anyone. We need relationships to actually be someone, to build our self being. But sometimes we make commit mistakes which jeopardize our whole relationship. We never know that we could end up losing someone, it's like gambling, we give everything, some lie to get more money to gamble in the end no one wins, not unless the gambler wins money or some prized possession then maybe the gambler won, but did he really win when he's lost all the people that he loves?. I pose a lot questions in this post all because at this point in my life I have a lot of questions left unanswered that i really am still looking at my life to find answers to these questions.

Tirrreeeddd

Have you ever felt like the whole universe is conspiring to get your ass out of anything you suddenly set your eyes on?. I feel like once I've committed to something something just starts to try to push me back down. I try my best to work hard, why the hell do you people think I haven't been updating for the last month or so. I've been busy like hell. I kinda like it and I don't.

I feel so tired lately. I've been falling asleep in some of classes, ok that is funny but I really hope that my professors see my effort and pass me.

I'll be updating more now. My professor has got me doing essays every week, fun right?

My 2 Weeks of Summer So Far

wooh. finally i can say that i can enjoy summer. for the past month and a half I've been busy with my summer classes, trying to get rid of that probation. Yes ladies and gentlemen I have been on probation, thank God after summer classes I lost that probation and made up for it. Yes my summer has been grueling and all I've done was study and seriously I've practically been studying everyday. Classes just wrapped up last Friday and let me tell you my last exam was not easy. It was history of western civ and it was sure as hell deadly. I studied for it for 8-9 hours and I still had a hard time. I do wish that my professor wouldn't give me a low grade cause I seriously busted my ass off for that subject.

Anyway right after classes my family and I drove off to Batangas, Maya Maya to be exact. We went there with my dad's old officemates. On the road leading to the house my uncle rented, my family and the family of one of dad's friends we kinda freaked out since the road nearing the house looked like it was straight out of a horror movie, an unpaved road filled with dry grass, stalks that were as tall as you and to top it all off there were no street lights. Talk about scary. Thank God we found the subdivision, a minute more on that street we would've expected a serial killer to come right out of the bushes. LOL

So we stayed in this gorgeous house and the fact that it had a pool got me giddy already. It sort of gave me an urban and eclectic feel to it. Yet it was so welcoming. Here are some pictures for you to visualize what I'm saying :)

Cute right?. So after spending a day at the house we decided to go to the beach, over at Hamilo cove. The place is still in the works but he beach is gorgeous, the water's so clear that you don't even need goggles to see all the pretty fish.

After about some days we all went back to Manila. And so far my 2 week summer is looking pretty good. Last night I watched Maroon 5. After years of buying their albums and listening to song after song I actually get to watch them live. Last night was absolutely worth it. Of course my friend Dani and I had to stand in our seats and I had to tiptoe just to get a glimpse of Adam Levine, but I don't give a rat's ass about how insane my feet felt, the fact that I got to sing along to every one of the songs they sang last night, which shows how true a fan I am:)). I have all their songs on my iPod. Adam Levine's body language was so WOAH. I think all of them were wearing skinny jeans but Adam Levine just brought so much sex to the stage which made the girls go insane:)) I have no photos since I figured my lens couldn't reach that far but I was in Gold B so we weren't that far. Anyway looking forward to my other plans for my summer or at least what's left of it:)

Nasasabaw Ako sa Pamilya Ko

Mama: Kagabi andon yung friend ni Ate Crissy ah. yung nasa banda.
Daddy: Yung nasa SUGARHICCUP
Me: Huh?. Baka naman Sugarfree daddy:)))
Mama: Ahh si HEBE pala yun!
Me: Mama Ebe yun!

Therese: Ui may sugat yung isda ni daddy
Me: Pano magkakasugat yan noh?
Daddy: Kunin mo ng sandali yung isda tapos patakan mo ng betadine
Me: NAKAKAINIS KA DADDYYYY

Nung nasa Tagaytay kami
Me: Yuck ang taba ng pusa, ayoko talaga ng pusa
Daddy: ako din. Allergic ako dyan. Mas lalo na sa Siberian cat
Therese, mama, ninang, me: ????. Walang siberian cat:))))

What have I been up to?

I haven't blogged in about a week now, I just haven't had time. Finally the prelims are over and I can semi-relax. So far I haven't failed any prelim exam, just waiting for the Algebra exam results and praying that I get a passing grade. And semi-relax because ever since summer school started I've been studying non-stop, I've studied more than I did during the whole 2 semesters of my regular classes. No I wasn't a bum, I only studied when there would be a quiz or a graded recitation, these days since summer classes are obviously short, professors tend to make their lectures faster. So almost every day I have a quiz in one or two subjects and I have 3 subjects a day. Ugh, after this i need to study about South and West Asia for our geography class which is at 7 in the morning. BUMMER. I move so slow in the morning, I wake up at 4 leave the house at around 5:30 if I'm feeling active but then if I'm too butt ass lazy I'll leave at around 6 and get to school at around 6:30.

Well my tattoo's gone, alot of people at school noticed it and asked if it was real. haha. I wish. I would really want to get a real one at the right time, I feel like I need more depth in my life before I actually get a tattoo.

Last weekend my family and I went up to the chilly city of Tagaytay to somewhat get away from the insanity that is Manila. I will post pictures, once I have the time. Right now I'm doing our report which is due on the 17th, yes I'm doing it in advance because I'm stalling myself from studying for tomorrow's quiz. LOL

Spending Holy Week

We went to Subic for the Holy Week. For my penance I studied on Friday the whole day, yes while in Subic I studied. haha. And I really hope I pass both of those exams.

We stayed at Camayan Beach Resort beside Ocean Adventure.(These people get free advertisement from me, pshh). Anyway, stayed there for 2 nights, was with my family and my cousin and uncle. We only got to actually go to the beach on Saturday because I didn't really want to go to the beach, maybe because I felt guilty having fun on the day of the Lord's death. So after studying I decided to take photos of the beach and the sunset from our room.

Ain't it purrty?

The next day me, my cousin, my sister and I decided to go for a swim and damn was it hot, I kinda got dark but not so much though. After swimming my cousin and i decided to get a tattoo, a henna tattoo that is, there is in no way would our parents allow us to get real tattoos, but someday we will:>. And not those cheesy ones that would just make your body look like a sticker book, no, for real tatt's we want something with a story behind them. Anyway I got 2 feathers on my back and my cousin got a koi, and he went corny asking to put his girlfriend's name on his arm. CAN YOU SAY CHEEEEESSSE?. LOL. Anyway my super nice cousin didn't even take pictures of my tattoo, the guy who did my tattoo was nice enough to even be the one who offered to take a photo of it, and well lagi niya kasi akong pinagtritripan when he was doing my cousins henna tatt.

After getting our henna on. We rested and decided to go go-karting, which was the ultimate fail moment, why?, because the go-kart place turned into some lame theme park. BOOOOO!. Driving all the way there went to waste, tsk tsk. Anyway my cousin, my sister and I went back to the hotel and ate dinner and well my cousin and I shared photography secrets and we told stories. Then I joined him for some drinks, well he was drinking I just watched basketball at the bar because I hate the taste of rhum. HAHAHA

The next day we went back to Manila, but first we had lunch at Pampanga at one of our favorite restaurants which is Rumpa. I didn't take any photos cause I was too hungry and too busy studying. All in all I had fun and I rejoiced the most on Easter Sunday, the day Jesus Christ has risen. Thank you Jesus for everything, I LOVE YOU.

Kapayapaan:Peace

Shot these during one of our photo shoots in UP Diliman. Kapayapaan translates to peace in english. If you've all noticed I haven't been blogging for a while now, I've been busy with summer class and all. I flunked statistics but all in all I'm good. I'll take it up again next semester. 

Anyhow, peace isn't it what we all want?. Isn't it like a cliche answer for beauty queens regarding what they want for the world?. This is what I want too. Seeing all the chaos around me makes you just want to break down and cry. The uprise in the middle east, people fearing for their lives in Japan and the fact that this week is the holy week we must also find peace in ourselves.

Who am I to talk about peace when I'm at a state of total insecurity, anger and jealousy and I'm feeling all of those all at the same time?. I'm just saying that we all need to reflect and think about what ever the heck we've done in our lives and think if we've actually made a shred of significant difference in this world. 

I just took a deep breath out. More like a sigh. I've been tired. Today's the day I don't really have anything to do for my subjects tomorrow. Now I'm here typing my thoughts on my aunt's bed and in front is are figures of the Virgin Mary and Jesus. I pray that they grant me patience, wisdom and more love. The things
I learned/heard of today were probably just tests of the Lord. I'm calm now and I'm still trying to find some inner peace in this absolutely insane world.