Creatively Insane

i seem to need a reality check

2012-01-23T22:48:00.000+08:00

i dreamt about him the other night. i have no idea if you people know who him is, well idc, this is my blog so imma post about it anyway. i may probably be in a cranky mood since i'm slightly sleepy and i need some rest.

anyway back to my dream, we saw each other again in a movie theater and he had a new girlfriend. yeah i summed the story up because it's too long and i can't remember the rest. this whole thing is fucked up to me because we haven't talked in months and he has a girlfriend and i would like to say that i have a boyfriend or a fling or just someone i have a connection with right now, but no, fact is with the billions of people in this world it's hard to find an actual connection, even if it's just temporary.

maybe i'm just frustrated that i haven't quite found one of those so called "the one" crap. i may probably be having one of "those days", where i'm bitter, i'm all alone bla bla bla and all that shit. trust me this has gone on, this will pass, i've gone through one of these episodes, but when will i eventually stop having these episodes?. soon i hope.

new year, new rants

2012-01-19T20:41:00.000+08:00

"Ang ganda naman ni Patricia, may boyfriend ka na ba?"

That's what I always here from my aunt's and uncle's whenever we see each other, i smile then politely say "wala po eh". then cue light laugh, this has practically been a routine for me. if i had a peso for everytime someone asked me that I would probably have 40 or 50 pesos, enough to buy a light snack or something else.

But the thing is I don't get a peso for it. The first few times people would ask me that I wouldn't mind it, but I guess now it just got to me. I don't get pissed because I get asked that ALL the time, but maybe it's because I feel like the universe is conspiring to remind me that I'm single. I've been single for 4 years now (oh shit, it's been that long?), so I know the whole lovey dovey thing. The parts when someone texts you good morning and tells you i'll call you tonight and you talk until you both fall asleep. We weren't legal at that time, meaning our parents didn't know but his parents found out and they were cool with it, mine never found out.

Anyway maybe I've peeved by the feeling that "i found someone i was really happy with and i had an actual relationship with. then why the hell can't I find someone else to fill that void he left?". When i should actually be looking for someone better. Yes there are guys who've flirted with me, tried to court me, some I haven't responded to, some I've even flirted back with, they just probably didn't know that I was flirting back, cause when I flirt oh dear God I suck at that shit. Seriously, I have the flirtatious knowledge of a pen, trust me when I flirt it's like I'm just plain talking to someone.

Some of my guy friends say that I'm hard to get or that I'm choosy, maybe because they know the fck a guy goes through to get a girl to be their girlfriend, the thing is, don't I have just the same right as those guys do?. The girl who actually is willing to give herself to a guy, doesn't she have as much on the line as the guy?. Don't I have the right to choose the guy I'm going to go end up with?

I know that someone asked me once what if the guy that i didn't like made a super grand gesture for me and asked me to be his girlfriend, would i then answer him yes?, i said no, i still wouldn't be his girlfriend, even though I know it would be one of the biggest insults I would make but better to have the guys heart broken for that one time rather than have his heart broken for the length of the time he and i would be together, knowing that the whole relationship is a lie.

Who am I to talk about being wooed, when I know I'm not the prettiest person in the world, I'm not perfect. I just need someone who wouldn't be embarrassed to be around my insanity, someone who's actually willing to listen to me and well although i seem to be pushing them away that guy shouldn't be afraid to go and chase me because he knows I'm worth it.

I'll be 20 in a few months, I've gained about 10 lbs(meaning i don't fit into some of my clothes anymore) and well my love life went from about 50% awesome to absolutely non-existent. Yes there is a part of me that wishes that this will all get better soon.

me with an enthusiastic thumbs up. cheers to the new year everyone. BTW I will try my best to start updating my blog more:)

2011-10-30T18:44:00.000+08:00

I haven't updated in a while, like 3 or 4 months i think, I've been crazy busy with school and I've been dealing with a lot.

I've been on sembreak for almost a month now and I've been really wanting to update my blog I just haven't had my thoughts together. Until now my thoughts are still screwed up but here I am typing away on my netbook. I have no idea if I'm so frustrated or angry with people. All I know is I'm disappointed, disappointed in the fact that there are actual people out there who watch out for their own pride rather than thinking about the people who really matter in their lives.

No I won't be telling in detail what's been going on my life, I rather not make that public. Point is, relationships are built to either bring people together or tear them apart. God or some higher power gives us situations and I believe it's up to us on how we deal with them. Most of the time we screw up on that shit, why?, because we never really think about the consequences, we decide when we're angry or when we're absolutely happy. Truth is 70% of the time we decide out of strong emotions not from thinking about it really hard which leads us to regret it, or we just stay assholes and pretend that we don't care, well some us don't really give a damn do we?

Relationships are there to help someone, anyone. We need relationships to actually be someone, to build our self being. But sometimes we make commit mistakes which jeopardize our whole relationship. We never know that we could end up losing someone, it's like gambling, we give everything, some lie to get more money to gamble in the end no one wins, not unless the gambler wins money or some prized possession then maybe the gambler won, but did he really win when he's lost all the people that he loves?. I pose a lot questions in this post all because at this point in my life I have a lot of questions left unanswered that i really am still looking at my life to find answers to these questions.

Tirrreeeddd

2011-07-27T04:36:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like the whole universe is conspiring to get your ass out of anything you suddenly set your eyes on?. I feel like once I've committed to something something just starts to try to push me back down. I try my best to work hard, why the hell do you people think I haven't been updating for the last month or so. I've been busy like hell. I kinda like it and I don't.

I feel so tired lately. I've been falling asleep in some of classes, ok that is funny but I really hope that my professors see my effort and pass me.

I'll be updating more now. My professor has got me doing essays every week, fun right?

My 2 Weeks of Summer So Far

2011-05-24T08:59:00.000+08:00

wooh. finally i can say that i can enjoy summer. for the past month and a half I've been busy with my summer classes, trying to get rid of that probation. Yes ladies and gentlemen I have been on probation, thank God after summer classes I lost that probation and made up for it. Yes my summer has been grueling and all I've done was study and seriously I've practically been studying everyday. Classes just wrapped up last Friday and let me tell you my last exam was not easy. It was history of western civ and it was sure as hell deadly. I studied for it for 8-9 hours and I still had a hard time. I do wish that my professor wouldn't give me a low grade cause I seriously busted my ass off for that subject.

Anyway right after classes my family and I drove off to Batangas, Maya Maya to be exact. We went there with my dad's old officemates. On the road leading to the house my uncle rented, my family and the family of one of dad's friends we kinda freaked out since the road nearing the house looked like it was straight out of a horror movie, an unpaved road filled with dry grass, stalks that were as tall as you and to top it all off there were no street lights. Talk about scary. Thank God we found the subdivision, a minute more on that street we would've expected a serial killer to come right out of the bushes. LOL

So we stayed in this gorgeous house and the fact that it had a pool got me giddy already. It sort of gave me an urban and eclectic feel to it. Yet it was so welcoming. Here are some pictures for you to visualize what I'm saying :)

Cute right?. So after spending a day at the house we decided to go to the beach, over at Hamilo cove. The place is still in the works but he beach is gorgeous, the water's so clear that you don't even need goggles to see all the pretty fish.

After about some days we all went back to Manila. And so far my 2 week summer is looking pretty good. Last night I watched Maroon 5. After years of buying their albums and listening to song after song I actually get to watch them live. Last night was absolutely worth it. Of course my friend Dani and I had to stand in our seats and I had to tiptoe just to get a glimpse of Adam Levine, but I don't give a rat's ass about how insane my feet felt, the fact that I got to sing along to every one of the songs they sang last night, which shows how true a fan I am:)). I have all their songs on my iPod. Adam Levine's body language was so WOAH. I think all of them were wearing skinny jeans but Adam Levine just brought so much sex to the stage which made the girls go insane:)) I have no photos since I figured my lens couldn't reach that far but I was in Gold B so we weren't that far. Anyway looking forward to my other plans for my summer or at least what's left of it:)

Nasasabaw Ako sa Pamilya Ko

2011-05-05T20:49:00.000+08:00

Mama: Kagabi andon yung friend ni Ate Crissy ah. yung nasa banda.
Daddy: Yung nasa SUGARHICCUP
Me: Huh?. Baka naman Sugarfree daddy:)))
Mama: Ahh si HEBE pala yun!
Me: Mama Ebe yun!

Therese: Ui may sugat yung isda ni daddy
Me: Pano magkakasugat yan noh?
Daddy: Kunin mo ng sandali yung isda tapos patakan mo ng betadine
Me: NAKAKAINIS KA DADDYYYY

Nung nasa Tagaytay kami
Me: Yuck ang taba ng pusa, ayoko talaga ng pusa
Daddy: ako din. Allergic ako dyan. Mas lalo na sa Siberian cat
Therese, mama, ninang, me: ????. Walang siberian cat:))))

What have I been up to?

2011-05-04T19:16:00.000+08:00

I haven't blogged in about a week now, I just haven't had time. Finally the prelims are over and I can semi-relax. So far I haven't failed any prelim exam, just waiting for the Algebra exam results and praying that I get a passing grade. And semi-relax because ever since summer school started I've been studying non-stop, I've studied more than I did during the whole 2 semesters of my regular classes. No I wasn't a bum, I only studied when there would be a quiz or a graded recitation, these days since summer classes are obviously short, professors tend to make their lectures faster. So almost every day I have a quiz in one or two subjects and I have 3 subjects a day. Ugh, after this i need to study about South and West Asia for our geography class which is at 7 in the morning. BUMMER. I move so slow in the morning, I wake up at 4 leave the house at around 5:30 if I'm feeling active but then if I'm too butt ass lazy I'll leave at around 6 and get to school at around 6:30.

Well my tattoo's gone, alot of people at school noticed it and asked if it was real. haha. I wish. I would really want to get a real one at the right time, I feel like I need more depth in my life before I actually get a tattoo.

Last weekend my family and I went up to the chilly city of Tagaytay to somewhat get away from the insanity that is Manila. I will post pictures, once I have the time. Right now I'm doing our report which is due on the 17th, yes I'm doing it in advance because I'm stalling myself from studying for tomorrow's quiz. LOL

Spending Holy Week

2011-04-25T17:54:00.001+08:00

We went to Subic for the Holy Week. For my penance I studied on Friday the whole day, yes while in Subic I studied. haha. And I really hope I pass both of those exams.

We stayed at Camayan Beach Resort beside Ocean Adventure.(These people get free advertisement from me, pshh). Anyway, stayed there for 2 nights, was with my family and my cousin and uncle. We only got to actually go to the beach on Saturday because I didn't really want to go to the beach, maybe because I felt guilty having fun on the day of the Lord's death. So after studying I decided to take photos of the beach and the sunset from our room.

Ain't it purrty?

The next day me, my cousin, my sister and I decided to go for a swim and damn was it hot, I kinda got dark but not so much though. After swimming my cousin and i decided to get a tattoo, a henna tattoo that is, there is in no way would our parents allow us to get real tattoos, but someday we will:>. And not those cheesy ones that would just make your body look like a sticker book, no, for real tatt's we want something with a story behind them. Anyway I got 2 feathers on my back and my cousin got a koi, and he went corny asking to put his girlfriend's name on his arm. CAN YOU SAY CHEEEEESSSE?. LOL. Anyway my super nice cousin didn't even take pictures of my tattoo, the guy who did my tattoo was nice enough to even be the one who offered to take a photo of it, and well lagi niya kasi akong pinagtritripan when he was doing my cousins henna tatt.

After getting our henna on. We rested and decided to go go-karting, which was the ultimate fail moment, why?, because the go-kart place turned into some lame theme park. BOOOOO!. Driving all the way there went to waste, tsk tsk. Anyway my cousin, my sister and I went back to the hotel and ate dinner and well my cousin and I shared photography secrets and we told stories. Then I joined him for some drinks, well he was drinking I just watched basketball at the bar because I hate the taste of rhum. HAHAHA

The next day we went back to Manila, but first we had lunch at Pampanga at one of our favorite restaurants which is Rumpa. I didn't take any photos cause I was too hungry and too busy studying. All in all I had fun and I rejoiced the most on Easter Sunday, the day Jesus Christ has risen. Thank you Jesus for everything, I LOVE YOU.

Kapayapaan:Peace

2011-04-18T17:43:00.000+08:00

Shot these during one of our photo shoots in UP Diliman. Kapayapaan translates to peace in english. If you've all noticed I haven't been blogging for a while now, I've been busy with summer class and all. I flunked statistics but all in all I'm good. I'll take it up again next semester.

Anyhow, peace isn't it what we all want?. Isn't it like a cliche answer for beauty queens regarding what they want for the world?. This is what I want too. Seeing all the chaos around me makes you just want to break down and cry. The uprise in the middle east, people fearing for their lives in Japan and the fact that this week is the holy week we must also find peace in ourselves.

Who am I to talk about peace when I'm at a state of total insecurity, anger and jealousy and I'm feeling all of those all at the same time?. I'm just saying that we all need to reflect and think about what ever the heck we've done in our lives and think if we've actually made a shred of significant difference in this world.

I just took a deep breath out. More like a sigh. I've been tired. Today's the day I don't really have anything to do for my subjects tomorrow. Now I'm here typing my thoughts on my aunt's bed and in front is are figures of the Virgin Mary and Jesus. I pray that they grant me patience, wisdom and more love. The things
I learned/heard of today were probably just tests of the Lord. I'm calm now and I'm still trying to find some inner peace in this absolutely insane world.

Panic Attack

2011-04-01T23:28:00.000+08:00

Honestly I'm really sleepy and I want to sleep, but I can't cause I'm effing nervous about my grades.

I mean I've done my best, but will my professors think it's enough. I feel like I'm having a panic attack. Slowly, breathe, breathe. This whole week I keep on saying to myself "Wala akong bagsak". Because I can't afford another 5 in my card. If I get 3 more I will be debared from UST. I CAN'T TAKE THAT.

I seriously pray that I won't get another 5. I worked my ass off, most especially since I got the chicken pox and missed about 2 whole weeks of school. I've been praying non stop and I've been hoping for even just a 3 on my stat subject. I swear that a 5 free card would make my day and it would also give me the privilege to be allowed by my parents to go out and be a bit of a screw up before summer classes start.

Lord please please please, don't let me have any failing remarks. I hope you understand how much I worked. If I do have a failing remark maybe, just maybe the Lord has something else planned for me. But I really do hope I have no 5's please please.

I know that most people wouldn't obsess over grades but you seriously don't know how I was raised, when I got a line of 7 in my report card when I was in the 6th grade I balled like a little baby, yes, that's how ignorant I felt. I really pushed for my grade to become an 80 and it did, ever since then I really did try my best in academics.

Grades will be released online in a few hours. Pray for me please. For the meanwhile I will remain positive and say "I PASSED EVERYTHING. I PASSED EVERYTHING."

Understand As Much As We Can

2011-03-28T23:52:00.001+08:00

Understand As Much As We Can, originally uploaded by patsypatootsy.

Took this photo while watching a gig of the band Franco. Last Saturday was the second time I've watched them live. They are absolutely awesome. I will post more photos here once I get the willpower to. I'm still too lazy. LOL. Will also tell you guys how my summer is so far:)

Hope ya'll are enjoying your vacation:)

To check out more of my pictures just visit my photostream on flickr, it's http://www.flickr.com/photos/patsycarrillo/

2011-03-21T18:17:00.000+08:00

What the hell am I doing with my life?. I'm slowly wasting it away. It's finals week and I know shit. Tomorrow is our finals for Statistics and my 2nd take for the hands on in Computer. Don't judge me on the computer thing, HTML frameset is effing hard.

I feel like I'm slowly throwing away my only chance of a good education. I've done total shit lately and I've somewhat become ms. last minute. It's never a good habit, I mean I get praises but it's never enough. As others may think nagiging patapon na ko. I don't like that. During my 1st year of college I was fine, being all responsible and shiz. But this year sometimes I wouldn't even care if my professors tried to look for me. My grades slumped during the 1st half of the semester because I didn't get to go to class alot cause of my chicken pox thing.

Maybe I got used to just lying around and doing nothing. I don't want this. I need to take action. I'm getting worried that I might get debarred soon and I may have to look for another school. I don't want that. I worked too hard and spent alot of time on shifting and figuring out what I actually want in life. I need to get myself straight for even this week, this week is crucial. I've been praying non stop and hoping to God that I would pass all my subjects this term.

I need to be responsible again.

English Speech

2011-03-03T20:01:00.003+08:00

Wooh!. I'm finally done writing it down. The topic I chose was student vices, a topic I know too well. haha. The only thing left is to deliver it. I will be one of the last people to deliver and I pray to God that I do well since this is already for my final. Tell me what you guys think of it, honestly. haha:

Has anyone here smoked maybe about a pack a day or drank so much alcohol that they would have a terrible hangover the next day that would make you say “I will never ever drink again”, or even dare I say it, taken some weed just to make you feel like you’re floating on air?. I know that there are some who won’t really admit to any of the vices that I just mentioned, but well these are just some examples of what students try to preoccupy themselves with during times of complete stress. We’re bombarded with school work for about 5 times a week and somehow the weekend isn’t really enjoyable because of the tons of work we’re expected to finish. Maybe this is just how we enjoy. What is college without fun right?. I know some people who are either really brave or really stupid enough to come to class either drunk or stoned. Either way it would make for an interesting story. Left and right you would somehow hear people tell stories about this crazy party they went to about a week ago or about the reason they cut class the other day. This is reality, this is college. And like it or not we need to face this reality.

According to a study done in Harvard University in the year 2008, about half of all college binge drinkers are binge drinkers even before they get to college, in this case binge drinking means consuming about five or more alcoholic drinks in a row on a single occasion, and what they found more alarming is that an equal number of students pick up binge drinking behavior in college. They also say that student affiliations and their surrounding environments determine that kind of behavior, which I believe are reasonable determinants for not only the vice of drinking but also all student vices. Of course over at the gate in Dapitan there would be the occasional taho vendor or the cotton candy vendor, but then in practically every exit gate of this university there are vendors who sell cigarettes by the pack or by the stick, whatsoever the students would choose. Student vices affects our academic performances, they say that students grades slump more because of this, I believe otherwise, I think it all depends in the student and how much they would actually want to progress in life.

In any college or university you attend you can never really escape committing vices. They will always be part of you. There will always that particular group of friends that’s going to ask you to go out drinking with them or cut class because your professor doesn’t check the attendance anyway. Vices somewhat consume us. It may be sad to say that they may get the best of us. When it all comes down to it, will we let our vices dictate our future or will we be the ones to take control of them?

I know this isn't really a flattering photo of me drinking. haha. Atleast I don't shy away from the fact that I actually have a lot of vices, which I hope doesn't affect me so much as a student. I love to enjoy, whatevs. haha

Killing Time

2011-03-03T08:43:00.000+08:00

It's around quarter to 9. I've got about 2 and a half hours more to kill. Am currently in UST. I know no one I can spend my 3 hr break with.

Anyway I will be studying for my bio quiz which is on Tuesday. I hope I don't fall asleep while studying:))

I'm nearly done with my English speech. Just trying to work out the striking conclusion part. I'll be posting it here soon:)

Adorable Innocence

2011-03-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

Saw this video on Inside Edition while I was eating my Spanish pandesal. haha. Super adorable baby. This video made my day. His laugh is absolutely contagious. Watch this, I know it would make you smile :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4E9vu2Z4ioE

Stress is the word

2011-03-01T19:18:00.000+08:00

I've been effing lazy for 2 weeks now. I haven't been that productive in school and I'm starting to think that I'll be failing statistics.

Lately I haven't gone online, well ok I have but the internet connections been whack, so my mom had to nag smart bro to get this whole shiz fixed. Now I'm sleepy, so I'm cranky. My dad just nagged and told me that someone should be answering the phone. I was pretty upset cause I was watching this whole movie for my RC subject and I couldn't get to the phone and the fact that there are about 5 more people in this house made me think that they could get it insted and well the phone wasn't beside me. This evening was the 2nd time I answered my dad in an angry tone. I predict that when my dad gets home he'll sermon me.

Ugh. That's why right after I make this blogpost I'll go to bed, even though I still have shitloads to do.

I have a 5 page paper due in 3 weeks for RC, a speech that I seriously have no topic for for my English final, a commercial for Theology and a newspaper for my major subject.

I FEEL LIKE DYING. Help me think of a topic for my English speech please. These are topics I've thought about: Libyan uprising, student vices, EDSA 25 years after.

To top it all off, I HAVE WRITERS BLOCK. I can't think of anything creative to put into words. This blogpost doesn't count. haha

Oh dear God help me.

Not Just Anybody

2011-02-20T19:37:00.000+08:00

Ugh. for these past 3 weeks I've been eating nonstop. To be honest I've gained about 5-10 lbs I think. I'm starting to get worried, well not because I'm obsessing over my figure, it's just that, probably about once in 3 months my mood suddenly fluctuates and I become all melancholy for no reason. It's almost like I feel that my life is over and that there's this black hole in my soul.

I used to watch tv shows to get me all fine and shiz but that isn't working. Now I think I'm dealing with that through eating alot. It's like there's this emptiness that could only be filled by eating. I know it's sad. I've seriously looked into depression on the internet and I'm starting to believe that it is depression. What makes me suffer from this, hell I don't know. I mean I eat even when I'm not hungry. Maybe I need to check myself in with a psychiatrist but I'm just too scared that they'd say I've gone bonkers or something.

All I know is with writing about it here on my blog without being judged by family or friends who don't understand me makes me somewhat feel better.

I've been too lazy to attend some of my classes, this isn't good for me. Usually I would go into class no matter what. But now I seriously don't feel like myself.

Maybe it's pressure. Maybe it's stress. I'm praying so hard to help me get through this.

If you will leave comments for this blog I hope it's not rude. I seriously don't need those right now. I want to be able to go through this without any harsh judgement.

Majorly Random

2011-02-15T19:03:00.001+08:00

I haven't blogged in a while. I've been too lazy and too busy.

Went through so many crazy things these past few weeks with my friends and well I totally embarrassed myself this morning. I'll get over it in a week or so. Anyway I will make further kwento once I have more time. I need to leave to study for my computer quiz tom.

*my dad has sore eyes. WAAAAH. we can't touch him, i can't afford to get sick again. my prof's would murder me once i get back. haha

Just Listen

2011-02-01T18:42:00.000+08:00

Above is a picture of me and my friend Joanna. I've known her ever since we were in grade school and we've been friends for 5 or 6 years now.

Is it possible to actually worry for a person so much that all you do is practically give them sermons on almost every conversation you have?. Well I believe it is. And well you would've guessed it. I'm worried for Joanna. See that's how much I love her. I think she's throwing her life away, day by day. All the booze and sex aren't really going to get you anything. Just a bad reputation, which in the future would make you regret all that you did.

You see I've been reading this book by Paolo Coelho entitled "Eleven Minutes". It's about this woman from Brazil who leaves to go to Sweden and soon becomes a prostitute and meets this man who changes her belief in both sex and love.

Well, even before reading the book I believe that sex is something beautiful and sacred. It's shared by two people who I think should genuinely love each other. But with my friend over there, I think that she's pretty much sex crazed over her boyfriend who's a total ass, and I swear that I am not exaggerating. And from what I've been hearing from her weekly phonecalls to me, she's been drinking about almost every day of the week. It's as if she thinks she's so cool cause of all that.

All that she's been getting from me is "You shouldn't do that.. You shouldn't do this". She's getting tired of listening to me nag all the time and I'm tired of nagging her about how stupid she's living her life. I miss the old her, well she was actually clueless back then and funny and sweet. Now she just loves to talk back to her friends and think that she knows more than us all cause she isn't a virgin anymore. I think that's just bullshit.

Oh yeah, I nag her all the time because most of the time she's a slave to her douche of a boyfriend. Last week she's been going on telling us that she's half single. WELL HALF SINGLE MY FRIGGIN' ASS. The only reason she's saying that is cause her so called "boyfriend who loves her so effin' much" also has another boyfriend. I mean, who the hell gives in to that kind of crap?!. Being a 3rd wheel when there should only be the 2 of you. And almost once a month she calls me up crying about how much her boyfriend hurt her, but she still wants to be with him cause she loves him. Well I think your love us crap. Sorry sweetie. But love shouldn't hurt that way. Well at least it shouldn't hurt that much. And if he loves you so much then why do you come crying to me when he's constantly hurting you?

The big thing here is, grow up. Actually take time to look at what the hell you're doing with you're life. You think that what you're doing is only affecting you?. Well it's starting to affect the people who actually love you. I think that you confuse love for lust. And well lust is an intense or unrestrained sexual craving. You think so wrong of sex. Don't go on wasting what you have. Soon enough you're going to lose yourself and the people who care for you.

This is how much I care for you, I actually dedicated a whole blog post to you.

Raindrops Have Fallen

2011-01-20T14:29:00.001+08:00

Raindrops Have Fallen, originally uploaded by patsypatootsy.

One of the photos I took at Caleruega. Still hoping to go out on photoshoots and take more pretty pictures.

The weather's been crazy lately. La nina. Rain's been pouring pretty heavily today. Thank God I didn't have any exams scheduled today to I didn't get to go out in the rain today. But tomorrow is my prelim exam for my major subject which is newswriting. Uhh I basically kind of know nothing in this subject, our professor always relies on the reporters of the different topics which isn't exactly helping our minds to develop. But hey, that's college for you right?. I read alot of articles about newswriting today. I still don't know if that' enough for our exam tomorrow. I'm not sure what kind of exam she'll give, we're all hoping for a true false type or just make a caption or headline. But well considering last sems exams, we'd be lucky enough to get true false this sem. Cause last sem that same professor gave us a 50 item exam, 48 of that was identification only 3 was true or false, and those true or false questions were mind boggling.

Oh dear Lord help us tomorrow.

Splurge Away

2011-01-14T21:31:00.000+08:00

I'm actually proud of myself today. Because today I bought alot of stuff with my own hard earned money, ok fine sometimes I got it cause I wouldn't eat at school but hey, I still eat. It's not like I starve myself. Anyway back to the story, today right after my philosophy quiz I left school and went to St. Lukes cause my sister had a check up for her unbearable cough. The doctor said that she had some signs of asthma and gave her some meds. Hope she feels better soon:(

Anyway after my mom and I brought my sister home we went to megamall all of a sudden and daym i brought my wallet full of my savings. I actually only wanted to go to Forever 21 to buy myself some jeggings and I ended up buying alot more. haha. BTW I apologize for the crappy quality of the pictures, I was too lazy to get my camera and take photos so I just took photos using my webcam:))))

So after going to F21 I headed off to jellybean to see if the oxford's I wanted were on sale. Sadly they didn't have the oxford's anymore so I bought myself a crop top. I've been dying to buy me one of 'em crop tops.

Then my mom txted me and told me that she was in f21, I ran all the way from one side to the other just to get to my mom. haha. Then when I got there she was planning to buy some shirts and well I saw these really cute sneakers and noticed they were pretty cheap so I looked at my wallet to see if I could still afford them and well, my money was enough so I bought it right there and then, well after fitting them ofcourse. haha

I spent about almost 2k:))))). I only splurge once a year, and I guess I spent this one time eh?. haha. And now I know why I bought so much stuff, I was stressed out this whole week, I've been studying for quizzes which I've been having almost everyday this week. Maybe the clothes and the sneakers were my subliminal way of rewarding myself for those late nights of studying.

Well, after my mom and I met up with my dad at greenhills, we had yummy dinner and I had yummy ice cream cake for dinner. Today was fun but tomorrow I will be studying all day for my prelims. Will be focusing on Biology and Statistics tomorrow. I pray that I pass all my exams.

New Year. New Hopes. New Stories.

2011-01-03T16:39:00.000+08:00

First of all Happy New Year everyone:). Hope all of your fingers are still in tact. haha. Here are some photos I took during NYE, sorry na medyo fail, this is my 1st time to take photos using a dslr so it'll take me some getting used to but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it.

My family and I spent the NY over at my tita's place in Tagaytay. It was really cold there. It reminded me a bit of the weather in L.A. First day we stayed there it was kind of like karaoke night. I think some couldn't even let go of the mic. LOL

Then the next day for NYE, in the morning we went to Caleruega a church in Batangas that is seriously gorgeous. The entrance fee is about 30Php per person, if you enjoy nature and you're religious you should check it out, well even if you're not religious you should check it out.

Anyway after that we rested and went to mass then the celebrations began. Oh yeah and one more thing, one of my best friends Luisa Estanislao Eastlaw (http://luisaeastlaw.blogspot.com) was with us during this whole trip. Cool right?;)

So anyway today was the 1st school day of this year. As some of you may recall I got the chicken pox and I didn't attend classes for the last 2 weeks of classes for 2010. I got back to school again and I know I missed alot but I know I can catch up. We have some essays we have due in RC and I have to remember to make a brochure in Computer. There is so much to do. Prelims are in 2 weeks, I'm kind of in danger in my stat class, IDK if I'll still pass, I failed the 1st test and I didn't get to take the 2nd exam since I got the chicken pox and I remember hearing my prof say that she doesn't give special exams. huhu. I am seriously thinking about dropping the subject before the prelims, but then I don't want to give up that easily. I'll still talk to my stat prof tomorrow morning and ask her if she can teach me about the lessons I missed. My only actual wish this year was that I do well on my grades and that my profs have mercy on me. Dear Lord help me please.

Huhu. I am off to read for my RC essay and think of ideas for my Computer brochure. I CAN DO THIS!. haha

I Wish You A Merry Christmas

2010-12-27T14:59:00.000+08:00

How was your Christmas?. Mine was ok, somehow a bit beyond average, but ok. Spent Christmas Eve here at home. I didn't take much pictures though cause I felt really sick from my allergies. Just went to misa de galeo, watched Shrek 3 on dvd, opened gifts and called it a night. haha

The next day we went to my auntie and uncle's place for lunch with my dad's side. We kinda went crazy with the continuous shots.

Then later for dinner we went over to my mom's aunt's place(ya get it?) for dinner with my mother's side of the family. The one thing I like about going to their place is that I get to play with my little cousin Tonito. He's a cute kid with lots of energy. He kinda makes me feel old but young at the same time. haha

Then later that night since the adults saw me bring my DSLR cam they wanted a group picture and let me tell you that we haven't had a group picture in years. Our last group pictre was when I think I was either 5 or 6 years old and I'm 18 now so yeah, it's been a really long time. Even though we weren't really complete at least we were a family.

*Still trying to look for our old family photo and we're waaaay more than this. haha

My Weekend

2010-12-19T20:28:00.000+08:00

Wooh. I finally got to go out yesterday after about 14 days. haha. Well ok being the weight conscious girl I was I checked my weight yesterday morning. And well I lost 3 more lbs. haha. Which I wonder why because I was stuck here at home eating and sleeping.

Anyway when I woke up my mom and dad surprised me by telling me that I could go out with them to the mall since my sores were already closed up. I was seriously excited. haha. I was the type of girl that would practically go out every week. Well due to my excitement I left my money which I was supposed to use to buy Christmas gifts. Err. haha. Well after shopping for a few stuff with my mom, we met up with my dad.

We had shabu-shabu for lunch. Yum yum:). I kinda ate too much. haha. But I had yummy yogurt for dessert though:P

When I got home we got home my mom gave me my memory card back for my dslr and well I got bored and started taking photos.

My family and I had steak for dinner. HAHAH. Did I make you drool?. :P. Yes the day was filled with food.

Anyway today my family and I went to mass and I saw one of my ultimate crushes. One of Cory Aquino's grandson's and no it wasn't baby James. haha. It was Kiko. One of Balsy Aquino's kids. My day was already fulfilled when I saw him. Oh he's so cute in a nerdy way:">

Then my sister and I spent the whole day at home. Oh yeah and we had pizza for dinner. I only had one piece though cause I ate a danish for merienda. Me so happy this weekend:D

Spin Me Around

2010-12-15T20:47:00.000+08:00

Have any of you guys seen the movie Easy A?. Well my friends and I watched it on DVD over at Tricia's place I think 3 weeks ago.

I loved the movie. It stars Emma Stone and it's all about her being a social outcast all cause people think she was a whore. I can relate with the whole whore part with how rumors can get totally twisted.

Most people really don't know how bad it feels to be judged by rumors, without actually getting to know a person. No one likes to be judged, well we can't really sway away from that but we face it every day whether we like it or not. And having rumors spread about you that are completely false don't exactly brighten up your day. I will admit that I have been talked about by other people in high school and it wasn't even in my school, it was in another school. You can't really stop those things from spreading, sometimes you only find out about rumors about you when someone is actually brave enough to ask you the truth. Which I will say doesn't happen often. There are always sides to every story. And no matter what angle you look at it people are still going to judge. As they say "Everyone's a critic". I've tried to change my reputation to some people who think they know me but I'm still wronged. I've learned somehow that even if you try to tell the truth some people just won't listen. Somehow I just deal with it because I know my family and friends know the truth which is what matters most. It was hard to understand why rumors were going on but hey I'm tired of trying to make people's minds change. After all you can't please everyone.

Anyway I also loved the soundtrack. I've tried for weeks to find the soundtrack. Finally found it this afternoon. Try searching for Life Gives Me Lemons Make Lemonade by The Boy Least Likely To. Fun song. Cheers you up on a down day. Just listened to it and it makes me smile:)

P.S. Still can't go to school. I'm still contagious:|:)))

Like It's the End of the World

2010-12-12T16:12:00.001+08:00

This year was the so called "debut year". Where practically almost everyone I know, including me have turned 18. The big 1 8. The year of being legal. Wherein you can actually get arrested for the shit that you do. haha.

I've been invited to ALOT of parties this year and I went to most of them. One of them was even an out of the blue invite, surprised that I got invited myself. Of course coming from an all girls school in high school you'd kind of expect that. And this is also probably the year that I abused alcohol the most. I haven't drank so much. haha. Maybe this is why I need to get a grip when it comes to alcohol.

Anyway I've had my fair share of parties. Which is probably why I will actually miss the hype of getting all dolled up, looking for that perfect dress to wear and to even actually search for transpo to get to the event. I also lost a lot of money this year. Having to constantly search for gifts almost week after week. And to even experience going from one debut to another is totally nerve wracking but a delight cause you remember that you love these people. haha.

I didn't really have a fancy debut cause I didn't need one. I just treated booze and food to my friends and family, I felt that was enough. Then somehow, your birthday is actually a day that you should enjoy yourself with your loved ones.

Turning 18 is kind of a big step. People make me feel all responsible now. It kinda sucks but hey, isn't this what most of us have been asking for ever since we were kids?. To be treated like a grown up. Responsibility is heavy. Most especially given the fact that you can get arrested now. I mean you can do shit and all that just don't get caught. HAHA.

Anyway here's to the year that was.

A year full of surprises that are actually worth remembering.

We are off to another adventure. I'll be turning 19 next year(duuuh). Let's see what'll happen then.

Ugh Love

2010-12-10T22:17:00.000+08:00

I think love is stupid. I haven't really been in love with anyone of the opposite sex. Well I have, but I think it was puppy love, it was waaaaay back in high school pa. I was cheated on, of course the break up was mutual. Enough of that, I mean I've seen so many people around me getting hurt and shit. I've been hurt myself.

Love makes you do stupid things. It's unpredictable, a constant nuisance and it blurs out all other entities. I'm not bitter or anything, it's just that, is loving another person romantically really necessary?. Is romance what keeps us going?. I mean we can live life with just our friends and family but I guess some people never really find that enough.

Well who am I to say how important romance is. Maybe I could have a boyfriend next year or in a few days. I never know really. Is that the beauty of love?. It's unpredictability?

I'm no expert on love, I've had a few flings here and there but maybe that's just what's got me all worked up. People these days love for all the wrong reasons. I mean I know that the feeling of being loved is absolutely incomparable to any feeling in this world. But now through seeing other peoples relationships I just see that most people love to know how it feels, to test out the waters. They don't actually love, they just love for the sake of it.

I may sound bitter but who cares. This is my blog I'll write whatever I feel like writing.

Maybe my view on romance may change. Maybe not. But until that day comes I will continue to despise it. I guess I just really don't like the thought of fake love. It hurts too much.

Irked

2010-12-10T15:44:00.000+08:00

It's been 4 days since I've gone to school. I feel really itchy. Fvck. MUST RESIST. haha

Thank God it's a Friday so I won't really have to miss so much more. I've preoccupied myself with things. I watched the first Harry Potter movie, on DVD of course. Then I started to study on my other notes. And I read the book my friend Joni gave to me on my birthday. It's been about 4 months since my birthday and only last night did I decide to read the book my friend gave me. LOL

The book is Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho. I actually indirectly asked my friend for this book. My other friends told me that Eleven Minutes was really good. So I decided to put it on my wishlist for my birthday. Anyway the book is really nice and I kinda have to take a break from reading it. It's basically about a Brazilian prostitute, got you thinking didn't I?. haha

So I haven't really been eating with ease either. On Monday I started getting some pox in my mouth. The one on the roof of my mouth hurts alot. I can't eat much so I've reduced myself my soft foods. Mainly ice cream and soup. I eat chips every now and then but it just hurts a lot. Err. I can't even eat well.

Well the spots are slowly fading. If this continues I might get to go to school by Wednesday. HOPEFULLY.

What the Pox?!

2010-12-07T19:35:00.000+08:00

Today I found out that I've got chickenpox. Greeeaaaatt. I'm about to miss the last 2 weeks of classes for this year. Whoopde-doo. Notice my enthusiasm, which is dabbed with complete sarcasm by the way.

When I woke up last Sunday I had a nightmare that I was crying cause I missed alot of my classes. Never thought it would actually come true. Being absent in college sucks. In college it's every man or in my case every woman for herself. And to add to that I'm an irregular cause I shifter courses, so I don't have a permanent section. I mean I have friends in almost all my classes except Bio and English. Don't get me wrong I mean the sections I'm taking those classes in are friendly but I haven't really quite gotten any friends there that would help me if I missed any classes. And then I also have this subject which is Rizal course, my professor there used to by professor in Asian Civ last semester, with him you get an incentive in your grade if you come to his class every meeting. I got an incentive last semester, so much for an incentive this semester. Oh yeah and we also have this quiz for RC next Monday, still figuring out how I'm going to get to take that quiz.

Anyway, last Sunday morning I woke up with these bloches all over my face, I thought they were just pimples, but then they started spreading all over my body. So I went to a nearby clinic and I feared that it was chickenpox, but the doctor told me it wasn't. He told me it was just some skin allergies. Then he told me I could go to school the next day. So I did. My friend put her arm around mine. Uh-oh. I hope she's up to date with her shots or that she's already had chickenpox.

I doubted the doctor's diagnosis, so I decided not to go to school today and have another check up. When I woke up this morning I felt worse, my head started to ache, I got a sore throat, the bloches started looking even gross and I started getting one of the roof of my mouth. Looks like the medications the 1st doctor gave me aren't working. My mom went out on a business trip so I practically begged my dad to take me to the hospital, I was supposed to go alone but I hated people staring at me ever since that accident I had in the 2nd grade, when people stare at me I can't help but feel all worried. Well my dad is really busy so him taking me to the hospital really helped me alot. When we got to the dermatologist she was with another patient, so she let us sit down and wait for about 5-10 mins. She was this old lady but very nice and heavily adorned with jewelry that I'm sure would've cost more than tuition fee. haha. Anyway she asked what my problem was and she took one look at me and told me it was chickenpox. She was pretty flabbergasted that the 1st doctor never thought it was chickenpox when the way I appeared you could easily tell I had chicken pox. She told me I couldn't go to school for 2 weeks ans she wrote me and excuse note. I was tearing up in her office cause I couldn't miss 2 weeks os school, but I had no choice, I couldn't infect other people with what I had.

As my dad and I went home he told me he would talk to my college's dean and see what he could do about my situation. My dad called UST and they asked him to write a letter and attach the doctor's certificate to it. See that's how much my dad loves me, he drove all the way from here to UST just for me. And let me tell you that I leave really far away from UST, like an hour away if you drive it. I hope my professors would really be considerate and send me assignments or something. It is after all the Christmas season. Ho-ho-ho

Well this is it for me, I figured that I shouldn't be moping around cause it won't get me anywhere. I'm still praying that my professors won't condemn me for being absent for the last 2 weeks of school for the year. haha. Well here is a smile from me to you.

I plan to have a Harry Potter marathon tomorrow if I'm feeling better. haha. I have nothing else to do. After all my mom called me a few minutes ago to tell me to not feel stressed. I CAN GET OVER THIS!:)

Bitchy Mood

2010-12-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

I'm not really into the mood to talk to anyone, as in opening my mouth and actually saying things. I feel depressed. I don't want to listen to alot of people now. Every time someone opens their mouth I just wish they would shut up. I know, I'm not exactly little miss sunshine today. I don't plan to elaborate on why i feel this way. Just understand that I do.

People here try to cheer me up but it doesn't work. I get all tense and teary eyed. Weird right?. Maybe the feeling I have right now is much more deeper. Maybe it's coming from somewhere I never thought even existed.

I won't be going to school tomorrow. I'll be missing alot. I hope they don't do much tomorrow so I won't miss alot of activities.

Social Justice

2010-11-30T21:00:00.000+08:00

Our Theo professor asked us to make a reaction/realization paper regarding what we learned in our previous topic which was "Social Justice". Kinda weird but I first typed it here, I guess words flow more naturally for me here when I blog. So here goes my essay:

Social justice. Justice in general is something that we all seek. Whether it be for others or for ourselves. Everyday we see different people in different places, we all want the same thing, CHANGE. Being able to have the actual power to make that chance is a pretty big responsibility that alot are given but very few actually take advantage of that. I, try to do my part as best as I can. I save up, donate some of my savings to a charity and feel like, "There I've done my part somehow." But still seeing the mess reminds of how screwed up life is and how much attention it actually needs.

Being able to discuss the importance of social justice in theology further enlightens us on how much work we need to put into to save our world. I already got to watch the film by Joey Velasco (may he R.I.P) when I was around 4th year high school and getting to watch the film reminds you of how lucky you actually are to have objects in your life that most of the time you incessantly whine about. You slowly realize that you're a part of something bigger than yourself. We were all made in this world for a special purpose or maybe even special purposes, to atleast fulfill part of those purposes as to help those who actually need it. I mean who are we to complain about not eating at the right time or not getting the gadget we wanted for our birthday, when someone out there would feel lucky enough to get 2 cans of sardines on their dining table which they feel is enough to feed their family. I know that I complain alot, I'm not perfect and neither is the world. But I will help make a difference in this world because I know I can.

Painting above is by Joey Velasco I believe it's entitled "Hapag ng Pag-asa". Sorry but correct me if I'm wrong.

Random Thought

2010-11-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

We've all got problems. When I was a kid I thought it was ok to just run away from them. Thinking that they won't bother, so I just let other people deal with it. Mostly those other people are my parents. But as you grow up sometimes people forget to tell you you have to deal with most things yourself and you figure that out all by yourself too.

Now, problems to me are complicated. Too hazy to even comprehend. Problems are everywhere. Every morning we see them, in the news, in magazines, at school, at work etc. They're inescapable. Solve one problem something else comes up.

I'm not trying to be a bitch here and be all pessimistic. I'm just being realistic and saying what I see right now in this world. I know for sure that this isn't the alcohol talking because I'm not drunk and the amount of vodka I drank a few moments ago won't equal to that of me doing and saying crazy things.

Anyway, don't get me wrong, I love life. But sometimes when you actually think about life at this time things just come in retrospect. You contemplate more and you think of things you've never even thought of before. Life has both positive and negative effects. We still need to keep on mind that everyday is a gift and that every moment may be sign for us to just think and reflect about where we are now.

Happy Birthday tito Babit:)

2010-11-21T16:32:00.000+08:00

Today's my godfather/ninong's birthday, well okay here in the Philippines it was yesterday and in LA where my ninong is his birthday i think was yesterday. Ok enough of the time zone thing. I didn't get to make a blogpost yesterday cause I was really sick and and I couldn't think well.

So here it is, my uncle basically became my uncle cause he's my dad's brother. I only met him about December last year. Yes, only last year. My family and I visited him in the States and we stayed there for almost a month. I actually kind of got close to him. He was really cool and he doesn't really look like his age, i think he's almost 50, shhhh, don't tell. LOL.

Anyway my family here in the Philippines misses him. He's practically my idol when it comes to studies and he's pretty rad. I love every single one of my family members and I always wish for their happiness. Isn't it cool that I have a whole blog dedicated to him. IDK if he'll be able to read this though.

Happy birthday tito Babit. We love you so so much. We hope to go back there and visit you again in the states.

Bazaar Alert:)

2010-11-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

For those people with savy businesses that want to sell some of their items for the Christmas season. Or you could just come and buy Christmas gifts for your lovies:)

COME ONE, COME ALL~ JOIN SEOULARIS BAZAAR! :D

For inquiries, please contact Ram Medrano

09063238237/09228923645

ram.medrano@yahoo.com

or Jessica Bello

09178965856/09324435132

jessicarbello@yahoo.com

MOTHERF*CKER

2010-11-20T08:12:00.000+08:00

Excuse the title. I'm feeling rather angry today.

Today's my sister's birthday. I don't have a lot of homework. Just have a quiz to study for but it's an essay and I know I can write my way out of essays.

I've been feeling a bit angry and frustrated these past few weeks. Friends are supposed to be your stress reliever. Your part of actual peace in your life. I haven't really been feeling that vibe with my other friends. I'm not backstabbing or anything. It's just that I'm tired of this. I've been tired because of all this drama that I feel like most of us have been dragged into.

I'm not used to drama. There is drama in my life but I don't deal with it to this extent, most of the time I just either laugh it off or just not give a damn anymore. That's how I feel numb sometimes. Call me heartless but I'm just tired of this. Helping people who actually don't need it drains the energy out of you. Because it leaves you feeling disappointed and last night I just kept on texting swear words to my friend. That shows how angry I was.

I'm trying to be a good sport here and I try to keep playing the game. But isn't life a friggin team sport?. How can you play when the other members won't cooperate?

The other thing is, I'M FVCKING TIRED OF BEING CALLED A BOYFRIEND STEALER. My mom warned me about this. Being too close to guys who are already taken, I told her that their girlfriends know that I'm just a friend. And she told me to make sure of that.

I guess I was wrong on that part. This is probably the 4th time I've been thought of as a boyfriend stealer. I know my boundaries. I've been cheated on and I know that it isn't pretty. It hurts like hell, so why the heck would I try and steal other people's boyfriends when I know it won't do any good to me. I swear that I lay my line between friendship and romance and I sure as hell make sure that I don't cross it. Right now to be honest I feel offended and it makes me look a slut.

Maybe these girls don't realize it but they feel like they're the only one's being hurt. I'm hurt even more. I have feelings too. I've gone through a rocky relationship and somehow that's taught me something. These girls should realize that I've gone through enough to know what I should and shouldn't do and stop feeling to fvcking insecure. I swear I just want the whole world to...

We'll be going to Sn'R later. I'll be expecting a huge slice of pizza when I get there. That'll be one source of relief for today.

Urgh....

2010-11-17T20:37:00.000+08:00

I get sudden hits of depression sometimes. I know, weird. I just get all fvcking sad and get all emo. It's not like I'm bipolar or anything. It's just that my mood swings are pretty freaky. I think I'm depressed now cause tomorrow's a Thursday. I don't know anyone from my Thursday classes.

AS IN 0. ZILCH

People keep on staring at me. It's awkward. I hate people staring at me. Especially if I don't know them. I know that my look doesn't really give of "Ms. Friendly". Even my good friends say that their first impression of me was stand-offish. For short I kinda look like a bitch. Which I admit doesn't really win over alot of friends at first. Which is why some people seek my friends opinions on who I really am. I'm one of the nicest and friendliest people that you will ever meet. I swear. I guess I give off a tough exterior cause of the pain I've felt my whole life.

I MUST REMIND MYSELF TO....

People say I have a really nice smile. I smile alot. But only when I'm with my friends and family.But nonetheless, I must stay positive!. Must continue to be optimistic!. Must not let these things get in the way. Must read my assignment for tomorrow's bio class!

Ooh College..

2010-11-14T19:29:00.000+08:00

The 1st week of classes was crazy and stressful. In my MWF classes I know at least 3 people in each of my classes. But when it came to my TTh classes I only knew like 2 people and that's only in one class. It's hard to feel lonely when you're in a room with a bunch of people who know each other. And with my Journalism lanyard I stick out like a sore thumb all cause I only have one class in a Journalism section. I vow to make friends in my TTh classes so that I wouldn't feel awkward this whole semester.

Assignments for the weekend: My RC(Rizal Course) professor gave us some books to read on for the weekend. Tried searching for them in the library after my class last Friday, no luck. Someone must've checked them out. I decided to try and look for them at National Bookstore, though I'd but them instead. Only found one of the books. Still reading it, page 1-20. Pretty interesting book, but I find it long and winding.

Then we have this assignment for Computer class. Search for some abbreviated words.

I'm already on my 2nd year of college and I, like all people are having a hard time. This is only my 1st week and I feel so stressed out. The sched I made would slowly kill me. No breaks on MWF. Though I made a 3 hr break for myself in my TTh sched. Hoping that everything would work out alright this semester.

Good thing I'll get to see my high school friends tomorrow. I'm sure that'll cheer me up:)

Newswriting Here I Come

2010-11-10T19:03:00.000+08:00

I've been stressing over my major subject for 2 friggin weeks now. It's a pre requisite of all our other major subjects. The thing is the hardest subjects to actually get are the 1st year ones. They don't give out the 1st year subjects until like the last minute when classes actually friggin' start.

The full load is 24 units composed of 8 subjects. 2 weeks ago was the encoding of subjects for irregulars. Since I had no choice I had 2nd year subjects encoded. But I left out one space for my major, praying and hoping that I would get it if God let me. A lot of us needed that major subject badly. We kept on being persistent little creeps, but still they kept on telling us to leave our names in the list. The friggin list doesn't do anything. They either lose it or just don't mind it at all.

So this Monday was our enrollment, tried seeing if we could get the 1st year subjects already. They said we should wait tomorrow. I already enrolled and just said that I'd add the subject I needed next time. Tuesday came, still nothing, on Wednesday pa daw. The day when classes start. Dandy right?.

I prayed so hard last night. I even told myself stuff like, "I will get that slot. I will get into Newswriting." So I came to the dean's office at 7 in the morning. Waited for about 30 mins til they asked us to go downstairs for encoding again of subjects.

I was told that only special subjects were offered for encoding. And my major wasn't one of them. Still I was persistent. I listed my major subject in the form, my friend saw it and told me that it wasn't offered. I said I would still try no matter what. That's how bad I needed and wanted that slot.

And thank God my persistence paid of, I GOT THE MAJOR SUBJECT. Which is Newswriting. And can I say "PHEW". Well I missed my first subject this morning just to enroll for my major subject but at least it was for a good cause.

Thank you Lord and I swear I will really try to rock this semester. My grades last sem were high. But I really want to go for all 1 this time:)

I Am Everyday People

2010-11-03T16:08:00.000+08:00

After so many months I've only watched the indie movie the runaways this afternoon. I loved it actually. I'm very into indie movies. Most especially the fact that it's about rock legends the Runaways.

I enjoyed watching the movie and it made me miss just basically leaning back and rocking to a good old classic album. So I decided to download the album "Fit To Be Tied". I've been listening to it for 3 hours now. I feel refreshed, empowered and I feel like myself.

Somehow there's this sense in me that says that I lost myself or just basically I lost some of my personality. Listening to this album actually made me relax and let go. Maybe if you listen to it you'd feel so out of your wits cause of how loud it is. I'm inspired to write songs again, it's been about a year since I've written my last song. And I wrote my last song cause I was asked to and cause I was paid for it.

I miss that feeling of inspiration to write things on the spot. To just have a line constantly run through your mind, waiting for that zing of ideas. I'm a writer and an artist. This is what I live for. I thought I lost that spirit. But I know now it's coming back. Slowly but at least it's coming back.

Thank you Joan Jett and thank you music. You inspired me.

Complicated

2010-10-19T11:55:00.001+08:00

Humans.

Among all the living species in this earth, I believe that they are the hardest to live with and the hardest kind to figure out. We may say that science would help us figure humans out but that isn't enough. I can't really identify who people are or what they really want. Figuring out who they are. People are too spontaneous. The baggage that comes with them fails to inform us of how heavy the load they carry or if they carry any load at all.

We practically spend a lifetime either trying to live with them or just being fed up with them and we just suddenly die. No one has a definite answer to who they are. Maybe that's why in relationship stat's in social networks there's a "IT'S COMPLICATED" button to choose from.

Isn't that the best definition for who are "COMPLICATED". Always have been. Always will be. I know that humans are special. But what makes them special?. Is it their bipolar ways?. Their constant love of all things lively?. The range of differences that complete them?. Or maybe there really is something inside of them that makes them so special.

Drastic..

2010-09-19T09:55:00.000+08:00

I chopped my hair off yesterday. I went from this...

To this...

I decided to chop off my hair to this length all because I hated:

1. the hassle of sleeping at night with my hair going to my neck and face

2. the heat in UST is absolutely horrendous

3. because my hair is thick the heat really does get me

4. blowdrying in the morning takes me about 20 minutes.

5. constantly having to make sure that my hair looks ok

6. just having to think about what hairstyle i wanted for that day

7. sometimes to forget my hair scrunchy and have to fan myself the whole day, i end up with my hair going all over the place.

Those may look like really simple reasons but I've also been wanting to cut my hair off this short for a long time. I guess I just wanted to wait for the right time to get this kind of haircut.

I Feel So Different

2010-09-15T18:24:00.000+08:00

I miss writing. I miss being able to express myself through writing without restrain.

I feel like I've lost that sense of freedom in me ever since I got into college. Why?. I don't know. Maybe I was too driven towards the path of the fine arts that I forgot what I actually loved to do. Which was writing. I looked at my blogs in multiply, I wrote a lot there when I was in high school, that was my therapy. And plus, if I had a story to tell my hands would itch if I didn't post a blog about it.

I don't know why now in college when I feel like I have so much more to say, that's when I just stop typing my stories, I just stopped telling my thoughts. I feel like I lost part of me through that.

I don't know if you could consider that as writers block, but I do. It's been years since I wrote a blog that would be as deep as those which I would write in high school. I now question whether I have changed or not. I don't know what's going on.

I have thoughts in my head but I don't know how to express them anymore. I feel so stuck in this rift. I've been stuck in it for a year and a half now.

I've been constantly trying to get out of the rift. I can't seem to do that. I want to write more.

Sometimes it makes me depressed, not being able to write what I really want to. I mean there are times when I would just start typing here on my blog and then, I just stop, it's like I lose all excitement in telling my story. As of now I blog at most is once a month, I used to blog every week. What's going on with me?

I feel so different.

2 Debuts in One Night

2010-09-12T21:37:00.000+08:00

You read it right, I have actually experienced going to two debuts in one night.

It's very stressful to have to constantly calculate time and worry whether you're gonna make it one time or not.

The first debut I went to was one of my best friends in the whole world, Luisa Estanislao

Eastlaw(http://luisaeastlaw.blogspot.com/). Her part was held in Jade Valley over the Timog area. She asked me, Tricia Ildefenso and Joanna Fernandez to emcee for her but Joanna/Popoy didn't push through with the emcee bit, so Tricia and I were left. The group that I ate with, which was mostly composed of boys, attacked the food with in 20 mins. Gee, Lulu's money was

sure worth it on our table. LOL. Well Trish and I hosted as best as we could. haha. I was also part of the 18 candles. Well after the program and photo opts with Lulu, I left with Tricia and Angelica Marcelino for Frances' Debut.

Rode in our car then went to EDSA Shang for Frances' party. We got there in just maybe 15-20 mins. Thank God there was no traffic.

When we got there I texted Pauline to tell her that we had just arrived, she replied that we were

going to speak in a few na. We all panicked, I led Trish and Angge to the wrong floor so we ran and asked a receptionist. I couldn't take the pain in my feet anymore, I took off my heels and ran to the function room of Frances party. We got there just in time. We were sort off sweating and taking in deep breaths but what was important was that we got there in time. After 5 mins I was one of the 18 roses and I kinda did a sabaw dance with Frances then I was also part of the 18 specials. After the program we ate a bit more and we had a mini photoshoot:)

I love these 2 girls and that's how special they are to me. They are 2 of the fliest chicks that I hang out with. I tried to make it to both of their debuts and thank God I did. I love you Luisa and Frances. Again happy birthday:)

Hold Up, This Ain't Right

2010-09-03T13:02:00.000+08:00

My morning was filled with OMG and WTF moments.

While I was on the jeep on my way to school, seated in front of me was a guy. Probably in his early 40's and the girl seated beside me studies in Trinity. Probably half way the trip I noticed that the Trinity girl kept on looking outside. I found it weird. Anyway I was doing what I usually do on any other commuting trip. I was minding my own business, listening to my iPod. Then the guy I was telling you earlier, started widening his legs. You know, sitting the way guys usually do since their side was getting roomier. As he was widening his legs, I noticed that he wasn't wearing a brief or boxer shorts. Dear God, I saw one of his balls and I immediately looked away in disgust. Then I figured maybe the girl from Trinity saw it earlier and that's why started looking outside. I think the guy got a hint that me and the girl from Trinity saw his, urgh-you know, he started closing his legs, and at one I noticed his legs shaking, he probably couldn't stand closing his legs. After seeing that shiz I was happy to get to my destination which was UST.

I can't believe that some old guy would that kind of bull shit off. It's disgusting.

Then as I was on my way home after class, I rode the LRT as I was expecting traffic and I wanted to get home ASAP. Luckily the LRT was roomier the time I got rode it so I got a seat. I blasted my iPod's volume and started texting some of my friends about my traumatizing experince earlier. There was this guy who rode on the station after I got on. He remained standing, ignoring the empty space in the seat right across mine. Then as the LRT was moving he started walking across the LRT compartment we were in. I thought he was going to find a more roomy compartment but he just came back where he was, which was standing in front me. After a few more rounds of walking across the same LRT compartment, people started noticing his oddness and the were looking at him. I again opted to not care and wait til my stop comes. But then, this guy started dancing. And it wasn't the vibe of random dancing that I always get from my buddy Jonah(who is a great dancer btw), I got the OMFG-WTH-is-this-guy-doing-he's-creeping-the-fuck-out-of-me vibe. I felt like that was the longest LRT ride I had ever gone on.

The morning has been effing crazy. I'm going out with my family later to GH, what kind of effing wonders shall I encounter later?

The Wait Is Over

2010-08-31T20:37:00.000+08:00

Finally after so many months of waiting I actually got my.....

*drum roll*

CANON 450D!!

Woot! woot!. I was actually aiming for the canon 550d, but it was too pricey for my aunt and uncle. So I settled for the 450d. And I think that it's awesome!. I just got it delivered yesterday from one of the store's in Hidalgo. I immediately took shots when I got it on my hands. The camera is a bday gift from my dad's sister and brother. BTW, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH!

I seriously can't express how happy I truly feel about getting this camera. I feel so lucky to be given the chance to actually own this kind of camera. I'm still getting used to adjusting some of the settings since the camera's I borrow are usually Nikon branded. But I really love the quality of the photos I took with it.

I plan to upload soon on my flckr account once I have time. Tah-tah. I have a math quiz to study for. Wish me luck!. Til my next blog:)

Not All Filipinos Are Like Mendoza

2010-08-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

It's been 2 days since the Quirino grandstand hostage taking and the Filipino's in general have been apologizing to the world, mostly to HK for practically every offensive action we could possibly do.

Monday evening everyone watched with anticipation the intense hostage taking. We were all fearing for the victim's lives and we all prayed while watching for their safety. Every Filipino constantly commented on the S.W.A.T teams slow actions, the president's absence during the whole standoff and that it seemed that Mendoza had the ball in his court.

In the end 8 died, 7 remain injured. It was truly a sad loss not only for the people of HK but also for the people in this country. Even though we don't have any part in the hostage taking we all are sincerely sorry for the loss of many lives. No one could have ever seen this coming. At present the national security is being questioned and even the seriousness on the situation is being talked about.

Today was a national day of mourning for the souls lost in the terrible incident. We all prayed for their souls and we continue to look up to God and ask what will happen in the next few moments from now on.

I find it unfair that we are being blamed for one man's unfortunate actions. But I am also embarrassed that we are being put under fire for recent photo's of policemen and student's surfacing of turning the bus into a tourist spot. They're adding even more shame to our now badly earned reputation. It was on Monday that we all knew that the world would look at the Philippines in a new perspective. CNN is even rubbing it in our faces, I actually used to watch CNN alot, but now they make us all look like terrorists and they add fear to the people of other countries. It's offensive to try to watch the international news and have constant negative comments being said about your homeland.

Even with all the embarrassment I am still proud to call myself a Filipino. You shouldn't say anything about another country or another nationality unless you've actually been in that country for a reasonable amount of time. All that I'm saying is, people around the world shouldn't be quick to judge Filipino's. Every culture is different. I know that innocent foreigner's had gotten hurt and now the government is looking at this as a very sad lesson for all of us.

We don't deserve the title for the worst country, no country does for that matter. Because in every country there are at least a huge amount of people who work hard to not only make themselves proud but to also make their country proud. There are still those people who make us proud to wear the title FILIPINO.

Receiving Both Grief and Joy

2010-08-03T19:42:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt the confused on how you were supposed to feel at a specific moment?

Well I'm feeling that right now. My mom just gave me some letters that came in the mail. And she immediately said "Don't cry.". I knew right away that it was probably a card from my uncle Ding's family. If you read my previous post you would know that my uncle passed away around 2 weeks ago. The thank you card read that they thanked us for our comfort and support during their trying times. Enclosed was 2 pictures of my uncle. I will admit that it was heartbreaking and it really made me stop from finishing my report.

Next I noticed that there was an even bigger envelope and it was in gold. I looked at the back and saw my Aunt's initials. I remembered that she was going to get married next month. She's the daughter of my grandfather's brother, you get it?. haha. Anyway we also lived with their family almost half of our stay there in America. My auntie Melissa is inviting us to her wedding on September. Obviously we can't go but it was a very nice gesture for them to decide to send us an invitation.

Right now I feel confused on how I should feel. Receiving both happiness and grief at the same time is pretty hard to deal with.

Dealing With The Inevitable

2010-07-09T13:24:00.000+08:00

Nothing but shock and sadness enveloped my family and I last night when we received such awful news. My ninang(daddy's sister) who's Pampangga for a business trip, called last night looking for my dad and mom. I answered the phone and told her that they weren't here yet. And at the same my sister also answered the phone.

Then my ninang told us that she had some sad news to tell us, I asked what it was and she said that my uncle Ding had died. My sister and I had stunned reactions. I asked how

he died she said that it was cause of a car accident. Right after that phone call I cried cause of shock and I told my sister that he didn't deserve to die, because he really is such a good man.

Tito Ding is my dad's cousin who lives in the States. I just saw him around January because my family and I spent the holidays in the States. When we were in San Francisco, tito Ding welcomed me and my family and my dad's friends in his home. He was never selfish and he was always in a giving mood. Constantly wearing a smile on his face. Even for just those 2weeks of spending time with him I kind of knew what kind of person he was.

I was still crying before I went to sleep and I prayed for his soul and asked the Lord why did it happen to such a good person?. I guess I'll find out the answer after a long time. When I woke up this morning I spoke with my parents and they told me more about the accident. It was Tuesday, my uncle was driving back to Tracy from the 4th of July weekend. When suddenly this car was I think driving in the wrong lane and their cars collided. The other person in the other car was easily identified and it took days to ID my uncle.

He'll be buried I think next Saturday. Please pray for my uncle Edgardo "Ding" Lagunzad's soul. May eternal rest grant unto him o Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace.

We love you tito Ding. I hope that you're happy up there:)

I Love You Maxie

2010-06-14T11:50:00.000+08:00

This is our dog Maxie, she's a chow chow. We've had her since I was in the 5th grade. Ever since she was a puppy I would take care of her. That's how much I love her.

But she isn't my first dog. My first dog was actually an askal or in english a street dog. I named her Ponggo because I loved the movie 101 Dalmatians. Whenever I would hang out outside I would pet him. But then after a few years or so she had to be out to sleep because she was really sick.

We went through around 3 or4 dogs until we got Maxie. My ninang Rosette bought her at a pet store stall in one of the supermarkets here in Metro Manila. It was actually a "on-the-spot" decision. haha. So after 6 years Maxie has gotten problems with her kidney and after 2 days in the hospital she's going to have to be put to sleep to stop the pain.

I cried when my ninang told me that. I will really really really miss her.

WTF

2010-05-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

What makes us a stronger person?

For me, what makes me a stronger is just to be able to understand and have enough patience. I guess started with this topic because my cousin, who I have really known my whole life is really driving me insane.

Get ready for my rants in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....

He's really obnoxious and sometimes just really rude. He was like this when we were kids, he practically drowned me when we were little. His boastfulness receded probably when we were in high school. And now I just can't stand him. He's practically back to his old ways.

We often get into debates and sometimes when he and I hang out I just don't talk to him that much because I don't want to get into another fight with him. I show him how uninterested I am in what he's talking about.

He tells me that his mind is more mature. So he thinks that starting arguments is really mature. Tss yeah right.

He knows I'm peeved at him and I know he tries to win me back by doing nice things. But then he kinda jerks off again. I just don't get him. Yes we're really close but sometimes it's to the point that I can't stand him.

And just because he's older he thinks that he can control me. Like when we talked about me voting, he said that I should vote for whoever he votes for. Tsssss

He keeps on talking to me how Aquino will ruin the Philippines and that it's no use to vote. Oh yeah, that coming from someone who actually sold his vote.

Yes, I'm upset with him. I just try to tell myself that he thinks he'll be a stronger person if he keeps on pushing people around.

I'm just trying to lengthen my patience even more.

Figuring It All Out

2010-05-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

I am slowly becoming more and more insane by the day. I don't know. Maybe it's because I start to wrack my brain for answers now. And I'm actually trying to figure out things in life. Of course there won't always be an answer for everything.

Maybe I'm just trying to grow up. I seriously don't know the answer to my insanity.

I think it's cause I've lost myself. In my essay in MC for the entrance exam, there was one question that asked what is my greatest joy in life. I answered, to know who I am. To be honest, I have no idea why the hell I answered that. I guess I just didn't know what to answer which was why I put that in writing.

Truth be told I really don't know that much about myself. I'm still confused on tho I really am. I might be just one those people in the world who go on with their lives, soul searching. Trying to figure out who they are.

As of now I know very little about myself and just like everyone else i'm only sure about myself 80% of the time. I believe that the hardest person to figure out is yourself. You know that you've gone bonkers when you yourself can't even explain your own actions, because you yourself are responsible for all that.

Am I the only one who is soul searching in this earth?. No. I'm a teenager, those so called scientists would say that it's normal for an adolescent like me to go soul searching. But when an adult does it most people think that they're crazy.

I believe that soul searching chooses no one, no age, no limit. It's just a matter of how smart you are to actually figure out yourself.

For my case, I'll wait, I will be patient enough to just go on with my life. As I go on I will slowly learn more about who I am. I may not get the answers to my questions right now. But I'm sure I will get them in one way or another:)

Waiting In Vain?

2010-04-16T13:23:00.000+08:00

It's enough that I worry about my grades, but know, I'm not even sure if I still have a school to go to for the next semester. You've heard me bitch around about how much I panic about not having a school. I bitch around cause it worries me. It worries the shit out of me.

I heard from my friend Bal that we would get to take the entrance exam at around the start of June, in my mind I said "Ohkayy now WTF?!". I'm panicking. Every effing day my fear gets worse. It's hard to cope with that. Not being able to know and having your educational fate sealed by someone you've only known for like a month doesn't leave a comfortable feeling.

Shifting is all a waiting game. That's what I've learned for now. Hopefully all that waiting will be worth it.

Alice In Wonderland Movie Review

2010-03-14T19:34:00.001+08:00

Alice in Wonderland is one the most anticipated movies of this year. Come to think of it, it knocked of Avatar as one of the most top grossing 3D movies, in just a week or maybe even 3 days. Crazy right?

Well I was planning to watch it with my friends but while I was in Gateway this afternoon with my ninang Rosette and my little sister, they wanted to watch it. A real spur of the moment so to speak.

Well, even before today I started reading reviews of the meaning. They were mixed. Most were bad reviews. But, just because this had bad reviews doesn't mean I was discouraged to watch it. Well, Johny Depp in 3D, what kind of woman could resist that?. haha

Well while we were getting our popcorn and drinks I could see the very long line of people waiting to enter theater 5. Even still in it's 2nd week the movie never failed to pack in audiences.

(BTW I was soooooo psyched that Pacquiao won!. He must've raked in big bucks again for that fight. Congrats Manny\m/)

Anyway, as I was sitting down I noticed that I was just a seat apart from Frankie Mamaril, I can't believe she still remembers me. haha. Well, in my mind I was debating with myself-I just realized how retarded I sound-on whether to put on my glasses while watching the movie or just take them off cause I could see even without it. Then the movie started, I decided to watch it with my glasses, I blame it all on myself, I always over analyze. Then later in the movie I decided to take my glasses off cause I was starting to get uncomfortable, but then I couldn't see that well, so I put my glasses back on. They should create better 3D glasses for those wear glasses.

Back to the movie, I thought that the story was well thought. I think that the relationship between Alice and the Mad Hatter was misunderstood by audiences. Most of them thought that they were an item, I perceived them as having a best friend kind of relationship. Either way I just hoped that they went to the actual root of how the Mad Hatter had such a deep relationship with Alice.

I believe that it was much more nicer in the pocket to watch it in just a regular cinema. I didn't really get the feeling that it was 3D. It was almost like they said that it was 3D just to get audiences. So if you plan to watch it then I recommend you watch it in a regular cinema. That's just my opinion.

I had high expectations for this movie, since I loved the animated Alice in Wonderland. Unfortunately this didn't really make the cut for me. I love this but not as much as I love the animated Alice in Wonderland:)

Those "Heart Attacks"

2010-03-10T20:29:00.000+08:00

You know those times when you feel like you're having a heart attack when you worry about things that really matter to you. Well, I've been having that this whole month. It's because I'm stressing out about my shifting.

You see I'm not 100% sure that I'm a total shoe in for the course. I love writing and all. It's just that, this is college, everything is so uncertain. I laugh most of the time. I do it just to hide what I'm really feeling inside. I mask my fear.

I'm afraid. Afraid that my future will be uncertain. That all my hard work this 2nd sem will all be put to waste. I'm the kind of person that's all optimistic most of the time. But this time, when my chances are pretty bleak, I just lose all hope. I'm starting to see life as how most people see it. A much more cruel way of torture.

Why air my thoughts publicly?. I don't know. I just can't take it anymore. Keeping emotions bottled up inside you, is not a very good habit. I cry alot. Which hasn't happened to me in a long time. I just pray that all will go well.

I pray that I pass all my subjects. THAT INCLUDES PE. That a slot will be open for me. That the dean of the college of arts and letters accepts my desire to shift. That if he accepts, that I pass the entrance exam.

I know that I'm asking for a lot. It's just that I have these "heart attacks" usually when it comes to academics. I worry about this because my education means so much to me. And well frankly, this also is connected to my future. Which scares me.

The Yellow Symbol

2010-02-25T10:40:00.000+08:00

I seriously should be doing my Filipino paper right now, but I swear I'll do it right after I finish this post.

Well, this morning as I was working out at the gym (yes!, I work out now!. yay for me. LOL), anyway, there's this tv there, and most of the time it's just kept on the ABS-CBN channel. Umagang Kay Ganda was on, since it was the celebration of People Power I today they did this segment on all the latest gadgets that were about Cory and Ninoy Aquino. To be honest I really do love what these couples did for our country. They fought for what they knew was right. Their intentions were pure and self-less. They kept the Filipino fighting spirit. May God bless their souls:)

Well, back to the show, well, they did this segment on those yellow cellphones, watches with Ninoy and Cory's faces on them, who knows, maybe soon they'll make a yellow ipod. I just think that these days the yellow symbol is practically like a fashion accessory instead of some symbol that you are proud to be a Filipino, it almost says "Hey, look at me, I can afford this stuff so that means I'm in'. You catch my drift?

I just think that most people buy this stuff cause they believe that it's the latest fashion accessory to hit the market. Or maybe buying it would make me look cool. I just think that the yellow symbol has somehow lost it's meaning. Look outside, you can see almost every car have a yellow ribbon sticker. Or maybe even go to a mall, there wouldn't be a time that you won't see someone wearing a "The Filipino Is Worth Dying For" shirt.

See, they've used our heroes as hot commodities to sell items that hopefully soon won't be out of style. That's just it, when we feel that something is in we buy it of the rack, but when it gets all old and so last season, we give it away as if never meant anything. This is what I think most Filipinos are following. We must see beyond that yellow symbol and find out the actual meaning of it. How it came to be, who it came from and most importantly is that yellow ribbons meaning really still alive?

I just hope that what Ninoy and Cory have been fighting for has not been completely lost. We all need to dig deep and know that we are Filipinos, we are people. People who are intelligent and those who have rights. We must never forget that.

We don't need those yellow symbols to show that we're Filipinos, we just need to unite and fight for what we know is right.

What is Love?

2010-02-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

What is love?

According to wikipedia, which turned out as my first result when I searched it on google, well, love is any of a number of emotions related to a sense of strong affection and attachment.

Love for me, is this feeling that you have for someone, just any one, and you know that you can't resist that person and that no matter how irritated they may make you. Just like any word, love has many meanings to many people.

I suddenly brought this up in my blog, because well, valentine's day is coming and well it's February, the month of love as some would like to call it. This is also the month for everyone to go crazy over commercials about love, movies about love, heart shaped food and all that shit. I know I sound bitter, but there is seriously something about valentine's day that I hate.

I sound so, man hater-ish don't I?. Maybe I'm speaking out of love. Maybe I really am bitter. Bitter cause I haven't really found that guy that I'd love to love. I'm ready to go into a new relationship and start anew. Maybe sometimes I'm just now allowing myself to let go.

Enough about me, even though I've gone through a heartbreak, I still believe that love is a very beautiful thing, that may happen between anyone. I certainly believe in love. Of course it ind of irritates me when I suddenly see couples holding hands or just really being sweet. But it kind of reminds me, that love is still out there. As love-sick I may sound, I know and believe love really is one of those factors that keeps the world sane and well it just helps to make the world go round and round.

We're all not perfect beings. Which makes life both fair and unfair. But in this universe, someone or maybe even some people make us feel worthwhile. It could be a friend, a family member, a boyfriend/girlfriend or a pet even. Love is the sole factor that keeps us holding on to every inch of hope we have. And with love, we smile for joy:)

**Imma post a video of me singing a love song for valentine's day. I haven't decided on a song yet though:)

Well, Happy Valentine's.

Oh No..

2010-01-31T15:11:00.000+08:00

Right now there are so many thoughts swirling in my head right now. I bet someone would drown in my brain. Well, anyway, I just remembered that Jet's (my best friend who I kinda diss) birthday is like coming up on the same day as the prom. I really was thinking of going to Jet's birthday this year to make up for all the BS I've done to him. Right up until I found out that Lulu, Trish and I had an arrangement that same night. Luisa says that we ca probably make it to his celebration since it's like in the same vicinity. I hope that his celebration goes on like longer than the prom. Oh well, bahala na si batman:|

Next, I don't have a friggin' dress to that prom, my mom wants me to wear the same dres that I wore during the ball, but I don't want to and even if I did, well, IT DOESN'T FIT ME. See I gained ALOT of fresman weight over the 1st sem and from our trip to the States. I've been hitting the gym lately and so far nothing's working. I find it hard to stay on my old diet since now there like alot of food right outside my building. So it's either I try to lose weight even more or I buy a new dress. I really might buy a new dress at greenhills since it's cheaper. My mom is just so hard to convince, it's almost like she blocks me on what I'm saying. I don't even think that she understands half of what I'm saying.

Oh life. It really is unfair.

BAD DAY

2010-01-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

"Because you had a bad day..."

Today seriously sucked, so many things made this day currently the worst day ever.

1. I got to UST so friggin early. Like an hour before my class early or 30 mins. earlier than I usually arrive. I waited for Chriselle for about an hour.

2. I found out that I flunked my prelim exam in Logic. FUCK. I seriously worked my ass off studying. I failed by merely 3 points. I really need to step up my game if I want to get into Journalism next year. I will really do better in the finals.

3. My cellphone got broken. AGAIN. THIS IS THE 3RD or 4TH TIME. I am really really frustrated. I just had it fixed last November, and this time to avoid it getting a virus, I didn't download any songs, didn't drop it and I always handled it with care. Then today it suddenly goes all berzerk on me. I'll have it fixed again and if it breaks again, I swear I will really buy a new phone. Motorola, and this time I won't let it get stolen.

4. Right after watching "Paano Pa Kaya?" with Selle(which btw I still can't believe that I watched it, but nakakakilig nga naman yung movie. LOL. and I also got to spend time with Selle), my favourite necklace broke, the one that I bought from Romblon when I was about 3rd year HS. It's a heart shaped pendant made out of marble. I fell in love with it when I saw it.I got really heart broken when I felt it fall apart in my neck and lucky enough that I caught it with my hand.

I am really not that happy with today. But tomorrow is another day, another day to start anew. My problems are so petty when you compare it to others. I'm happy enough to be given the chance to keep on trying.

This day will really get better if I have a double cheese pepperoni pizza and some ice cream after that. Way to stay focused on your diet Patricia. HAHA

New Year:New Me?

2010-01-07T15:00:00.001+08:00

Happy new year to everyone!

New year resolutions are back in order, I make resolutions every year. There are so very few that I actually fulfill. What can I say?, I'm human. Here is a list of all the things I hope to fulfill this 2010:

1. I should really get back to my diet and exercise routine. The one I had when I was in my senior year of high school. I seriously lost like 5 pounds in a week.

2. Stop my vices. There are some people vices people know, some no one knows.:>

3. I will seriously be much more practical this year. Money is tight these days.

4. Try to be a better person.

5. Study harder.

6. Be much more optimistic. I still have my emo days.

7. Re-learn how to play the guitar. To be honest I miss playing the guitar.

8. Actually push through my plans:))

9. Be honest when someone asks me a question.

10. LEARN HOW TO RIDE A BIKE.

My actual goal is to fulfill atleast 5 of these. Goodluck with me. Oh yeah, BTW I'm planning to get a haircut. I've been meaning to get one ever since the start of the 2nd sem, I just can't take long hair. HAHA

Every Story Must Have An End

2010-01-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

Just came from a 16 hour long plane ride from LA. Yes that's right, I came from the States after about 2 and a half weeks. The whole trip was fun while it lasted. We never really tried to waste time. haha.

Well my family and I went to the States not only for the sites and experience, but it was mainly for my uncle who lives there. You see, my dad has a brother and a sister. They all have steady and high paying jobs(I'm not boasting here). But, the difference is, my uncle lives waaay over there.

There's this circumstance that put he kind of put himself in, which is why he can't come to the Philippines. Ever since I was little girl I had been waiting for my uncle to come visit the Philippines. When my grandmother(my dad's mom) died, it was heart wrenching to think that my own uncle couldn't come to my grandmothers funeral.

We've been talking about going to the States ever since I could remember. We actually made that dream a reality. Which is pretty cool come to think of it. Anyway, so since my uncle couldn't come to the Philippines well then, we shall come to see him.

And I swear I have never met my uncle before. He calls at least once a month to check up on us here. There was always a voice behind the name and there were pictures but I really could not imagine putting the face and the voice together. It's hard to actually picture someone who you never really thought you'd ever get to see personally, or so I thought.

So when we arrived at the airport we met my uncle and gosh does he look young. I swear, if you would put me and him together we'd look like brother and sister. We bonded over the 2 weeks. Then I got to know my uncle more. He's a really cool and very makulit guy. I kind of got used to him being around. So him not being here right now is new to me.

He along with my lolo's borhter brought us to LAX for our flight back to Manila. Right after he helped with unloading our bags from the van. He hugged me and I could see him fighting back tears, then he hugged the rest of us and. Just the thought of the scene, makes me cry too. Then I thought, we have each other here in the Philippines, while he lives alone. I pray for my uncle everyday, that he will always be watched over by God.

Thank you tito Babbit. We love you and we miss you.:)

Love

2009-12-30T15:52:00.000+08:00

Love

I believe sometimes that most things in this world like batteries or even gas just have to run out. Nothing in this world is perfect, which is what makes it fair. Which makes some of us believe that the world is a cruel and unfair place, well, at least that's how it is for the pessimists.

I have never seen the world as perfect or imperfect, I just see it as, the world. We live not knowing what will come next or who we'll see or meet today or tomorrow. That's what makes life hard yet fun. Living on the unexpected is something that is constant.

What does love have to do with this?. Love should never really be even tried to search, it'll just come to you at the right time and place. Love may be cruel, love may be sweet. Then to love, is to accept. Accepting requires so much from us.

I have had so many thoughts in my head that I would want to let out so much. Then, let me let out the thoughts that I have always been thinking about this one person, let me start:

I still love you, I haven't tried to deny it or confirm it. I've only actually admited to the word love right now. I feel like a total idiot for still loving you. Why you ask?. Because, it hurts so much to still love someone who used to love you, but has eyes for someone else now. Up until this day I hang on to your words, as if you just said them to me. I really want to get over you. It's been years and no progress at all. I know I will get over you, I just don't know when. Until that day comes, I guess I will still be clinging to the memories we once had. I can never fess up to my feelings like how I did back in high school, I don't know why. I will always be here, secretly loving you, secretly hurting and praying everyday that I will let you go.

Live here?. In The States?. Are you serious?!

2009-12-29T13:05:00.000+08:00

Here in San Francisco. I've been to a lot of places here in the states. Mostly California. My parents ask me if I could live here and all I say is "Ok lang.". The thought of me living here is just not really right for me. I love it in the Philippines and as it may be too distant to say but I know that I'll be working in the Philippines. I hope I'll be like my parents who live and work in the Phils.

I'm not saying that the US sucks, I'm just saying that, I guess, I'd like it better in a place that I'm familiar in, adjusting really is quite a challenge for many. I don't if I see myself working here. But as time goes by, it's almost like in the future I would be wrong about my assumptions. Let's see then.

Justice

2009-12-08T12:39:00.000+08:00

We live in such a complex world. It forces us to learn about how to figure it out. Which makes me think, can we truly figure it out ourselves?

Seeing all the mass destruction happening around me, makes me feel scared and uncertain of the future ahead. Fear is sometimes a rational feeling, well, depending on the situation of course. As of now, whatever is being laid in front of us, is mostly causing not only a national outrage, but an international one at that.

Not being able to listen and actually be a human being are just one of the many errors I see in this. Justice is what is being called and hopefully it will be served. But here's the thing, will it happen at the right time and will it really be served to those who deserve it?

Dreams

2009-12-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

Dreams-A series of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations occurring involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep.

Well at least that's what the http://www.thefreedictionary.com says. Ever since I was in elementary I have been having these strange things that makes me feel much more different than others. Dreams take me into another world that well I sometimes wish I had never even gone to.

You see, sometimes my dreams come true. Which makes everything oh so bizarre. I don't know what my dreams mean, but every time I dream of something that I honestly don't understand, I scour the internet for answers to my strangest dreams.

I encounter dreams about death, love and life. Nothing seems to make sense and maybe nothing ever will. Being in a constant state of confusion isn't really good for the health. But here's the thing the people who are in my dreams are mostly the one's whom I'm close to or at least used to be close to.

The scariest part is, I sometimes have dreams of someone who I don't know. Well, they're constantly being tortured and I once had this dream that one of our family friends killed themselves.

I don't what these dreams are telling me or even if they're telling me something. I'm pretty sure that it's not something I ate. I just don't know what to do anymore once I dream.

What Is Right In This World?

2009-11-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

What if you had to lie just to please someone you love?. Would you still lie knowing that you would end up as a hypocrite?. Or just be honest and let everything all out?

Nothing ever seems to be easy in this world. Which is why it just makes living more complicated. Everything that we do is constantly being judged and there are times that we can never really satisfy everyone in this world no matter how hard you try.

I hate the feeling of lying, I have a conscience that makes me feel so bad inside. I guess I've kind of gotten used to the idea. Nonetheless that doesn't make it right.

But here's the thing, sometimes lying does hurt you,but it helps others. That must be why we feel like lying is sometimes a good thing. Lying about little things may by minor. But having to keep up a lie for a certain period of time really is a stretch. It's this charade that you feel is impossible to get out of. You started the lie, that makes it even harder to get out of.

The truth to some is very daring and obscene, creating anger and well just bad thoughts. In my opinion, the lying part is easy.

The "what if they catch you" part or the "I feel guilty so I'm telling the truth" part is the most difficult of all. For the first one, you're never prepared for that. You just make it all up as it goes along.

With the 2nd one, you're more nervous and you hope that it all goes as planned.

We're all never perfect, we never really know what to. I'm really sorry to be a downer here, but this is just my melancholic side going on. This is my way of lashing out.

Being Sick Sucks

2009-11-25T19:55:00.000+08:00

Ever since Monday afternoon I've been feeling like crap. My head hurt like crazy. That's why after my Filipino class every friend of mine who'd pass by to greet me would ask, "Uhh Patsy, ok ka lang?". They could easily see my current condition just by looking at my face. It's either I'm that sick or I'm just that obvious these days. Haha. Anyway when I got home my headache never went away. I started feeling like crap even more. I decided to go to sleep early that night, I guess around 9. Then after that I would wake up every hour just to vomit.

Do you know how sick that feels?. I think during the 3rd time I was vomiting (Ok sorry if I'm grossing you out) deep in my mind I was thinking, "When the hell will this stop?. And why the hell to bulimic people go through all this pain just to get thin?." I started crying because I really felt that all of my body weight was literally lost from all that shit I went through. I just kept on vomiting from 10pm-1am. I really couldn't sleep a wink. That's why at about 2 in the morning I already woke up my parents and asked if I could not attend school the next day.

I hated doing that but I knew I needed to. I couldn't risk my health for that. I did know that that was a school day that was put to waste. I need high grades if I want to get into journalism. But then, I need to calm down and remember that it's just one day. No need to worry about it. I know that I'll make up for it in the next days.

Well I didn't attend PE today too. I was vomiting again this morning. Well, I had a check up, they took a sample of my blood(which I hate because now my left arm hurts so much) and my urine. They found nothing bad about me. Oh well, It must've been something I ate. Well I'm all fine now. But I get so full after just 2 bites of what I ate. Hmm. Weird.

What Is It With You?

2009-11-15T15:24:00.000+08:00

"PRANING"

That's the Tagalog word for paranoid. I feel a certain height of paranoia right now. And every kind of paranoia isn't exactly good. It's because I really want to see this friend of mine. Well we had a thing in the past. I just really miss hanging out with him ever since he left for the States.

It's been 2 years and still, I'm left here, hanging on to every word he has told me. I don't know why but he has always made me feel special even after what he did to me in the past. I feel all screwed up and I'm not really even sure if I'm thinking straight. Usually when someone does something really really bad to me I hate them for a long time. It would take ALOT for me to forgive them. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, it's like I forget, I forget about what he did to me and think that he has done so many good things for me and that shouldn't make all the bad stuff over weigh the good.

I know that I am absolutely stupid to be this way, but I just really want to get over him. It's been 3 years now and still nothing. People tell me that there are guys who are lining up there for me, but why don't I believe them?. Why don't I care?. It's almost like the only person who I want is him. But he hurt me, he made me scared to love again. Every time guys tell me I'm beautiful or pretty, I just brush them off. I guess it's because I think that I'm not pretty. The last guy who made me believe I was pretty broke me and made me think that the girl he traded me up for was prettier, smarter and much more better than me. I sometimes feel insecure because of him.

Which makes me feel confused about him. I really want closure on this subject and I don't know how this will really all come to an end.

Why Did I Shift

2009-11-04T16:25:00.000+08:00

"Are you sure?"

I have been thrown that question today for a number of times. And every time I would be asked that question, I felt like I was in a game show,being asked by the host if I am absolutely positive about my answer, and well, I would answer yes. I got pretty sick of all the sermons by some of the profs in my college. I somehow felt glad that my blockmates respected my decision, and they're question would be "Why?".

My answer, I chose to shift to another course because I felt that I didn't belong to the world of drawing. I know that this sounds stupid but, during the enrollment I thought that I could see myself having a job after graduation, but sadly, as days progressed in my world of fine arts, I felt like I lost myself, there was this longing inside of me to want to write things, and it took months until I could write a song again. After finishing that song I felt so relieved and I have to admit that I missed writing. I guess that I don't get the same high from holding a pencil and a sketch pad. I feel more like myself when I express myself through writing. I do know that I was stunned to find out that I knew how to draw, and I didn't suck at it that much as I expected.

Then I truly know in my heart and mind that I'm not cut out for the world of fine arts. I love all kinds of art. I am an artist, but I may not be the artist that draws, I see myself as an artist of words. I easily get satisfaction after writing an unbelievably long essay. I have discovered my passion and it is writing, I'm just glad that it didn't take me that long to find it out.

The shifting part isn't exactly my cup of tea. It's very stressful and tiring. But there is a part of that doesn't care, because I'm doing something that I believe is right for me. The stress will all be worth it once I get into the course I have shifted in and of course once I graduate. I still have 3 years to go. Wish me luck and pray for me:)

Sometimes I Wish I Was A Boy:)))

2009-11-02T16:51:00.000+08:00

Whenever there are long lines to the girls CR, I get all frustrated. While I look at the opposite side, meaning the boys CR. There in and out there soooo fast. It's unfair, is it because women have weaker bladder control?. Hell, IDK. But it's during those times that I wish that I was a guy, then I'd zoom in and out of the CR. Weird yes, but it's so much easier that way. Haha

Also, everytime my red days come, it totally sucks ass cause I have to be careful of well, every thing I do. It screws up alot of things, it makes me consious and plus, sometimes the pain is absouloutley unbearable. Another thing, red days make me bloated. This is why girls get easily irritated on these days, they make us feel like the world is on our shoulders, clinging for stupid reasons.

It's during these times that I wish i could just magically become a boy. Hell, I'd still want to turn back into a girl though. haha

I flunked a subject:|

2009-10-28T19:35:00.000+08:00

Last Monday Aie called me from UST to tell me that I flunked my VP class, VP stands for visual perception. I was crushed, I felt like I wanted to cry, but I was too shy since I was with my guy friends whom I haven't seen for the longest time. They comforted me and well, I got tipsy from drinking, I guess I let out my frustrations on drinking. I was too carried away by my emotions. I don't regret what i did then, it's just that emotions are a very powerful thing.

It's Wednesday today and still, I haven't told my parents of my flunked subject. I'm too scared, I don't know what to do. This is the first time that I have ever failed a subject. It isn't really easy thinking of ways to tell your parents that you flunked a subject in college. Well, I'm praying that my parents will understand that I'm not really cut out for the world of advertising arts. I have told them of my idea of shifting and they approved. My parents love me so much that's why they let me choose what I want in my life. I love them just as much, that's why it's so tough to tell them of my flunk. I mean what exactly is the best way to tell your parents that you bombed a subject?

I also thank all of my friends who reassure me that everything will be alright. I love you all so so much. Thank you very much for comforting me when I need it the most. You know who you guys are. So thank you:)

Now, My hands are trembling, I feel really cold, tears are rolling down my face. I'm scared. Scared of what my parents will think or say. I haven't been this nervous to tell my parents about something I did ever since I was in the 4th grade. Every one knows I give my best in every thing I do, I just pray that my parents know that too. Wish me luck and may God bless me.

You Make Me Love You

2009-10-27T09:59:00.000+08:00

Made another song, I don't know why I keep on writing love songs when I'm not even romantically involved with someone. I guess I'm just imagining the feeling of loving someone. Well, this is for all those love sick people our there:)

I'll call the whole world
Just to let you know
How sincere I am with you
I don't need anyone else with me
Except you, the person who completes me

There's something about you
That get's me so into you
As if no one else exists
Which only leaves you and me
Staring into each others soul

You bring out another side of me
A side no one but you has ever seen
I promised to take care of you
No matter how hard it may seem

I love you with every bit of me
I surrender myself to you
Because I believe that
You're the only one who will never hurt me

Love

2009-10-14T14:13:00.000+08:00

Right now, I feel bad, but I didn't do anything bad at all. It hurts to think that when you've discovered something new, it's almost like a must to let another good thing go in your life. It makes you realize that love is a give and take situation. You can never just keep on taking, you also have to give in order for you to last as long as you know you will. AS I've grown up, I've seen and had friends who've come and gone. That's why I've learned that in every relationship, it's important to have trust, whether in boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, or even friendships. For without trust, you will go on in your life always worrying and asking things that aren't even needed to be asked about.

I believe that nothing is more complicated than love. It's one thing in this world that we all try to figure out, but only very few actually understand it. They say that love is so blind that it can make you do crazy things. In my perspective, I don't call that love, love is true, love doesn't judge, love is simple once you find it. With love, most people realize what's been there all along, but then, with love, you're ready to let go when needed and just stay in the backseat, wishing that that was you sitting on that passenger's seat.

Jimmy Eat World - Kill Mp3

First Impressions Last

2009-10-11T20:43:00.001+08:00

I suddenly got all lethargic and remembered my memorable first impressions on some of my friends. And trust me, they're not really pretty. If you're here on this blog post then my first impression of you is that memorable to me. haha. Let me remind my friends that I love each and every one of them and that every word that I am about to type is done purely out of my love for you. I love you guys, please don't kill me:))

First off I have Luisa Luz Estanislao Eastlaw. I met her when we were about in the 3rd grade. I was asked by our adviser to switch seats with her seatmate. When I was a kid I often never cared about other people's names, not unless they became my classmates. Well, in the 3rd grade it was the 1st time that I ever became classmates with Lulu. When I became her seatmate, of course I had to remember her name, so in an effort to gain her trust, I talked to her. But then, little old me couldn't remember her name. So I noticed that almost all of Lulu's things had tags on them. So every time I wanted to call her I would look first at her things, then I'd talk to her. It probably took me a week to memorize her name. I thought of Luisa as very innocent. Oh timo Lulu, akala ko innocent ka. haha!. Then the rest was as they say, HISTORY.:)

Next off I have Micaela Bettina Profeta. She is one of my most beloved friends. I swear that I love her so so much. Well, I met Mica when we were in the 6th grade. We were made into seatmates. At the same time we were in the same group for school projects. When I found out that we were groupmates, I swear I got soooo pissed off, to be honest I didn't like Mica and I didn't know why. Well, at first actually Mica and I hated each other's guts. But when we became seatmates, well, everyone who knows us would know that Mica and I love to make kwento, as in ALOT, so we got to talk to each other then, we learned that we had soooo much in common. Then there. ILY and IMY Micaela!:)

Then there's Ma. Angelica Marcelino. I only knew that Angelica existed when we were in the 5th grade and she ran for student body president. Well, with me being a typical girl and being friends with her opponent Diana Pacapac. Well of course I was rooting for Diana, but Angelica won. So I didn't like her for that, yuck I was sooo immature back then. haha. Then when we became classmates in the 1st year of high school we started talking to each other more and we became really good friends. Even our moms are friends;))

Si Pauline May Isip. Haaay Pauline. When I got to know Pauline in grade school to be honest I thought she was weird. No offense Pauline. ILY naman eh. haha!. Kasi nung time na yun you like had an imaginary friend and we were in the 5th grade then so imaginary friends weren't exactly the most hip and happening thing to ever happen. haha. But then nung high school, when we became classmates and soon seatmates, I learned to like your weird personality. Dude you rock for that. You're never boring to hang around with. haha. And I could have gotten a bit of my craziness from you. Anyway ILY Pauline:))

Next is Eddduuuuuu, the boy I call mah Squishy:)). I first met him a McDo. Then we went to this KTV, uhh, my 1st impression was, gosh your loud. haha!. I just got shocked by your personality that's all, super out there ka kasi eh. You like kept on shouting at my cousin and all that. But ever since we actually started to talk to each other, my view changed, makakarelate din pala tayo sa isa't isa. haha. Then now we're super friends!:))

Soooo, Vincent Valwin Danao, btw I never get to ask you why Valwin?. Curious lang ako. haha!. Anyway, I met Dani when I was in the 2nd year of high school, well halos acquaintance lang kami dalawa. haha. Anyway, I saw him again the same time I first met Edu. Actually you didn't talk to any of the girls that's why I thought that we would never be friends. . haha. I felt talaga that we wouldn't get to be friends. Natakot ako sa inyong lahat sa barkada, IDK why, siguro nga dahil ang tatangkad ninyong lahat, nanliit ako. haha!. Tsaka maybe it was because of like, you different personalities. But hell, your personlities made you guys fun to be with. Well then through time, naging close din tayo Dani!. haha. Cool right?. Anyway Hi best friend!>:D<

Last is Ram, akala ko tahimik ka din. haha. Believe me or not, kala ko pa nga innocent ka eh, innocent nga ba?:>, haha!. Anyway, well, actually, I never thought that I would be friend with any of you, di kasi tayo nag uusap, but oh well, things change right?. Pero loko ka pala, saya mo din kasama like yer other kabarkada's. Thanks nga pala Ram sa pagtago ng mga alam mo na:)))))

So there you go, these were my first impressions regarding these friends of mine. Well I guess because of them, I learned that first impressions aren't exactly what makes the person, but the kind of person they are when you actually get to know them after that first impression step. And I love all of my friends for that!:)

Saggy Eyes=Stressed Patsy

2009-10-08T19:58:00.000+08:00

I have never felt this tired like, ever. College is honestly stressing me out. I really feel my eye bags bringing my eyes down. Even my parents noticed. It's actually all written on my face. The stress is basically seen on my face.

It really is true that the people in our building are the ones who never sleep. We stay up all night just to finish our plates. 'Cause of that I honestly look like one of the zombies in the thriller MV. Make-up has become one of my best friends now, due to the stress that is written on my face.

My friends tell me to rest, so I'm resting now. I don't know if my shock is from culture shock or I really am just not good at handling my time. I don't know, either way, I still look like this:

That's what doing plates 24/7 does to you. It makes you feel so crazy that you don't know how to let it all out. Well, I have to bid farewell for now, I have a theology paper to write. Yaaaaaaay:|

Loser Patsy:))

2009-09-29T16:29:00.000+08:00

I was going through some of my old things until I stumped over one of my old notebooks. My aunt gave it to me as a christmas present, waay back when I was I think in the 3rd or 2nd grade. It was almost like my diary. This was where I put in my random thoughts. I felt free writing in it. I loved writing in it since the paper was black and I wrote in it with colored metallic pens.

As I was scanning through the pages, I read A LOT of loser-ish things. There was even a story on how godzilla met barbie. Talk about sabaw. LOL. Until I saw this "The If Page". IT was filled whith a bunch of if questions. Here's the list of the questions and beside them are my answers. Be prepared to witness my loser-ish-ness:)):

I were an animal, I'd be... horse

I were really famous at something it would be.... singing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....clothes

I were a school lunch, I'd be... a sandwich

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... pizza

I could change my name, It's change it to... Hannah

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... my clothes

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Oops I did It Again

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Lily

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Miggy

Looking at this page made me laugh til me tummy hurt and it also made me realize on what a pathetic loser I was. LOL

Of course if I were to answer these now I would sooooo answer them differently. Let me anwer them now. haha:

I were an animal, I'd be... dove

I were really famous at something it would be.... writing

I were the richest person in the world I'd spend my money on....helping those whos suffered in the typhoon

I were a school lunch, I'd be... tapsiXD

The guy who annoys me the most were an animal, he'd be.... still a pig

I had to eat only one thing for the rest of my life, it would be... it would be a cross between california rolls or paellaXD

I could change my name, It's change it to... I wouldn't change my name. I love it already:)

I could change one thing about the way I look, it would be... probably my nose or my huge forehead

I had to listen to only one song for the rest of my life, it would be... Magasin by the Eraserheads

If I had a baby girl, I'd name her... Abigail Rosemary

If I had a baby boy I'd name him... Christopher Thames

haha. I answered most of them differently. I guess it really does show that I've growned up even if there was just a little progress:))

Philippine Wipe Out

2009-09-27T18:54:00.000+08:00

The continuous rain woke me up at around 5 or 4 in the morning. I tried to sleep but I kept on thinking if I was to go on with my trip to HSS for the sportsfest, but then I just let it go and let myself go to sleep. Once my sister was woken up by mom I had already gotten up, contemplating on whether or not to go to my old school. I decided not to continue due to the rain and with the fact that I was only commuting and that I remembered that I had this make-up class in the afternoon.

Then I decided to sleep again since I felt that I didn't have enough sleep due to my plates. When I woke up at around 6 or 7, I received a text from our class secretary saying that the classes for the afternoon were canceled due to the rain. I let out a sigh of relief since everyone knows that the flood in Espana is almost like the extension of the Ganges river.

Anyway after eating breakfast I got busy doing my plates and thinking about what I should do next. But then, I couldn't help but think that the rain isn't stopping, as in it literally went on and on without as much of a pause.

As my family and I were at the dinner table, my aunt rang the phone. She had talked to my mother, soon we learned that my cousins Fortuner in the basement parking of her apartment had already been flooded and now my cousin was being asked to leave her apartment and she was put into another apartment. We were all worried sick, but they say that my cousin's fine now.

After that story, my suddenly told me that my ninang Rosette is stuck in a nearby supermarket, and by nearby I mean, like a 2 minute drive away from our home. She says that she can't get home due to heavy traffic and due to the flooded streets.

3 or 4 hours had already gone by, the rain still hasn't stopped, still, my ninang couldn't get home. I decided to turn on the tv since I got bored doing plates and there was nothing else to do. When I got to ABS-CBN they were showing these flash reports, and let me tell you it wasn't exactly a pleasing sight. You could hear people calling out for help, you could see floods practically everywhere in the Philippines. This is the first time I had ever seen such destruction go on in my own country. Let me admit that I was scared, scared about what is even going to happen next, scared about what is happening to the people and at that moment I felt lucky that I myself and my family are safe from harms way.

After about another hour ninang had arrived and she told us that she got home 'cause she hitched a ride on a truck, since the only vehicles that were even passable were a truck and a bus. Well desperate times call for desperate measures. She left her car in the supermarket by the way.

I was even getting news that some of my friends were stuck in their schools, stranded because of the flood. It had even flooded in the places that we never even thought would actually get flooded. Shocking really. To think, the rain for about 8 hours was actually equivalent to a whole month of rain, even more than a month actually.

It's a Sunday and now, every Filipino is uniting to help the victims affected by Typhoon Ondoy. Yesterday felt like the end of the world for us Pinoys. Today for some, it still is. Which is why we all need to do our part to help those in need.

Here are some pictures from yesterday. I don't own any of the pictures. I got them from the GMA website.

2009-09-15T21:01:00.000+08:00

Have you ever had the feeling of losing a dream?. Felt as if what you wished for wasn't quite what you hoped it would be?. Well I have. Nothing in this world is ever perfect, and nothing ever will be perfect. That's the horror of it all.

Ever since I was in the 6th grade I've always wanted to become a writer. I dreamt about writing books, songs, poems, you name them. Now that I'm on college, the supposed climax of our educatial life when it comes to you occupation, I get this sense of, I'm not really sure about what I'm doing with my life. A continual lapse of confusion and deep thoughts circle in my mind, as I contemplate on the decisions I've made and on the decisions I'm about to make.

I don't really know why I feel that my dream of becoming a writer is slowly fading away. I even think that my skill in writing is getting pretty suck-ish. I'm not sure on what I want now.

Want is just a really complicated and greedy word. It seems to put more focus on selfishness rather than others. I guess I'm just upset with myself and I'm letting it all out on my blog. Oh fvck.

HSSian Ka Kasi...

2009-09-06T08:41:00.000+08:00

I miss HSS so so so much. I guess you could say i was reminiscing while making this. To those who wish to repost this pls give credit to Patsy Carrillo. I have rights too yah know:))

Oh yeah, and you're welcome to add anything to the list. Just as long as it isn't offensive. Anything that you know makes HSS HSS. Have fun reading it, because I sure had fun writing this. Truth in love;):p

HSS-ian ka kasi:

1. Nahuli kang maikli yung socks at yung chemise. Mas lalo na yung chemise, mahuhuli ka talaga pag hindi ka naka chemise. Hala!

2. Pinagalitan ka na ni Ms. Penetrante, kulit mo noh?. (peace Ms. P!)

3. Pag practice para sa mass ganadong ganado ka kumanta, pero pagdating sa real thing, mananahimik ka lang at nakatulala sa space, nagtataka kung aabot pa ba yung 3rd subject mo sa mass o kung pagbibigyan kayo na recess na agad after mass.

4. Memorize mo na yung 5 favorite words ni Sister Tess. “May God bless us all.”

5. Pag nakakakita ka ng madre feel mo kilala ka nila at kilala nila si Sister Tess kaya na prepressure ka at kailangan mong mag greet.

6. Feel mo na yung mga teacher mo dapat sa school lang nakikita. Alalahanin mo, hindi sila bawal gumala katulad mo, tao din sila hija!

7. Kahit wala ka naming dalang electronic gadget sa school at nagkaka inspection parang feel mo magkaka heart attack ka na sa nerbyos kasi parang pakiramdam mo biglaang lilitaw sa bag mo yung cp, digicam, ipod/mp3, etc na mga gamit mo.

8. Pag mainit at break time takbo ka agad sa guidance room o library para tumambay.

9. Nagka jarbs(jabar) ka na at nakita toh ng mga kaklase mo.

10. Either nanenerbyos kang makipag usap sa lalaki o masyado kang atat na makipag kilala sa mga lalaki.

11. Pag gigimick ka after school at sasabay ka sa kaibigan, maghahanap ka ng kahit anong rason para lang ma-signan yan permission letter mo. Siyempre yung mga good seeds dyan ng HSS walang problema. May good seeds nga ba?. Haha. Eh ikaw?

12. Nag hahanap ka ng kahit anong lusot para makatambay sa clinic kasi ayaw mong mag attend sa class. Kunyari hihingi ka lang ng agua oxehynada(tama ba yung spelling?) eh umupo ka na don at kinausap mo na yung mga batang pumapasok sa clinic na may sugat o sakit at kilalang kilala na ni Tita Ces yang muhka mo kaya parang onti na lang maglalagay siya ng poster sa clinic na banned ka na don. Yari ka!:))

13. Nahihirapan ka minsan mamili ng damit pag pwede na mag civilian. Dami kasing bawal eh. Pero alam kong madami dyang pume-pekpek shorts(ok now that sounded soooo gross when I typed it. LOL) sa HSS. I've seen it with my own eyes.

14. Pag nag dala ka ng lalaki sa HSS isip agad ng mga tao na boyfriend mo siya, not unless grabe naman siya sa pagkatanda o grabe naman sa pagka bata, ano ka?, pedo?. Haha!

15. Pag bus ka at ayaw mo pang umuwi magtatago ka sa conductor mo, pero pag iniwan ka naman parang miserableng miserable ka at ewan mo kung pano ka uuwi.

16. Morning routine mo usually, makipag siksikan sa locker bago mahuli ni Mrs. Mariano na late, mag line sa tapat ng init, mag dasal tapos mag ingay sa class. Usually ah. Haha.

17. Nawbwibwiset ka dahil sa liit ng canteen natin at sa mahal ng pagkain. Simpleng nilalang lang kasi tayo, diba?. Aminin niyo, mga tipid tayong lahat sa HSS:))

I'm At A Confused State Right Now:|

2009-09-03T20:45:00.000+08:00

When I arrived at the grocery to meet up with my dad last Thursday. He immediately opened up the topic about my course. He asked me if I really do want my course. My answer?. Well, I just raised my shoulders in an "I don't know manner", because I'm not really sure if this is what I want.

I guess I do miss writing, A LOT. It's been a big part of me after all. Maybe that's what I want to do, write. Then, I was thinking about shifting and all the troubles it would cause me and other people. But, is it all really worth the stress?

Hell, I don't know, I'm still confused about what I want. After all not everyone knows what they want. Every single decision we make as humans could be critical to the survival of one. I may be getting a bit carried away here, but hey, it could happen, we never know right?.

You must be thinking that maybe the smell of the paints I've been using lately have gone to my head, you may be wrong or you could even be right. I believe that I'm not thinking straight these days. My mind has been on a constant loop. Maybe it just needs time to reset itself, hmm, I don't know.

Lies

2009-08-20T16:44:00.000+08:00

Lies. They make up our whole existence. This is one of the basic principles of life that every human has to learn. Whether we hate it or love it, we still have to accept it.

We often say that we hate it when people lie to us. But how about us lying to them?. Isn't it the same thing?. We should never say that all is fair in that way.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. None of us our perfect. Which makes us feel that life is so unfair.

Even in my possible career in the future, I have to sometimes sell lies. And to think, I never even thought it possible to sell lies. I only thought about it I guess around last week.

The problem is, lies are an inescapable circumstance. It benefits all, but it also destroys us.

Lies are the "loophole" of the life contract we unknowingly signed with God.

2009-07-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

Every time I tried to do my plates/artwork assignments I would just run out of motivation to do so. It's been an awful while since I've last blogged, and I have to admit, I missed it. Drawing, sculpting, painting all week, is good and all, but for me, nothing beats writing down your thoughts.

I guess what's been distracting me from doing my plates is the thought that, my ex actually has someone else. Yes, I know it's stupid for me to feel this way. But I will admit that I'm not mad or upset cause I'm jealous, it's because he was the one who cheated on me, and now he's the one who's found love again before me. I just find it unfair. That's why I feel that it was like a really big slap in the face.

Right now I feel immature, stupid and down right crazy for having these emotions. I may have actually gone mental. Like what I always say, being single ROCKS!. But to have someone tell you that they love you and having to love them back in more than a platonic way, well, that also rocks.

I'm just remembering that I shouldn't be in a hurry to find love. I guess I should just let it find me. I'm enjoying being single and well boys are boys.:)

You Are Not Alone(RIP Michael)

2009-06-29T19:04:00.000+08:00

Before leaving for the US embassy last Friday, my parents told me that Michael Jackson just had a heart attack. I was shocked, but not that scared because I believed that he would survive through it.

Well anyway, went to the US embassy with my family to apply for a US visa. Thanks to God, St. Rita and all of those who prayed for us, because we were all granted a US visa. Anyway, we were ordered to not bring any electronic devices in the embassy. So I left my phone in the car. When I got my phone at around 11 I think, I saw that in one of Maiqui's gm's that Michael Jackson was pronounced dead. I didn't bother texting her because I thought that she was joking.

But when we got to my grandfather's home, my uncle told us that Michael Jackson just died. I immediately ran to the TV and switched it to CNN. I was pretty much devastated. To be honest, Michael Jackson is one of my inspirations when it comes to music and writing songs. He is one of those artists that I loved even way back when I was little girl.

Of course when I was kid I loved his Christmas songs the most. As I grew up and I heard his different songs, I was instantly drawn. I thank my dad for showing me the different kinds of music. But I really won't forget the day when I was absent in grade school and I was flipping through some channels. Then I stopped in the Philippine music channel entitled MYX. Suddenly MJ's MV Black or White was on and I knew that there was something with that song that couldn't stop making me play that in my head. I think that that was the very first MJ MV that I have ever watched.

I will always believe that Michael Jackson is, was and always will be a music legend. May his legacy live on forever. RIP Michael. We love you.

Michael Jackson - You Are Not Alone.mp3

get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

My First Day Sucked. How About Yours?

2009-06-15T21:11:00.000+08:00

Today was my day to say so long to summer and hello to college. My class today was supposed to start at 10. So I got to UST at around 9:30. When it was about to become 10 I went to my bldg and that was the only time that I found out that all of the bldgs were to open at 1.

So I waited in front of the UST hospital for about an hour til Frances came and thank God she came. I couldn't stand being alone anymore. It felt so emo. haha. Anyway when it was about to become 1pm Frances went inside her bldg and again I was left alone to wait all by my lonesome since my class wasn't until 2.

Then as it was quarter to 2 I went inside my bldg and searched for my room. There I found soooo many people waiting for their classes to start. Soon, I turned into one of those people. After maybe about 15-20 mins of waiting outside or so, an upper class men told us froshies that our room wasn't there pa daw. There I met Aishia. She was the first person to talk to me. So we went to the deans office and asked what was up with the hold up. They told us that our class was in the engineering bldg at the same room number. So Aishia and I went there together.

When we got to the room we sat down and waited and waited and waited, still no prof. It was about an hour til one of the sections also from adver knocked on our door and told us that they heard that if the prof doesn't show up in an hour you should either head home or just plain leave.

So I was one of those first people to walk out that room and decide to go home. Hell, I was tired, thirsty and sleepy. To top it all off I didn't get anything from the day. The only positive thing that came out was meeting a new friend and seeing my old ones.

So that's my first day. It sucked ass. Hopefully it won't suck tom. Praying that it'll be a productive and fun-filled day tom. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that.

A Very Late Mom's Day Blog:)

2009-06-14T10:58:00.000+08:00

Hearing your mother or any other mother rant or nag is a person's worst nightmare. It's an even bigger nightmare for the child of the mother who's ranting. I think it's because we know we are powerless before the mighty words our mother's let out, you can almost say that a rant is totally fast and furious.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother just as much as the next person, but you sure as hell shouldn't make her mad, OR ELSE!. You shall suffer her wrath. I'm sure everyone agrees with me. I just really find it very very scary when my mom gets all angry. I would soooo not want to get get in her way. haha

It's almost like a storm, when there's an early prediction you would like to stay away from the storm or atleast protect yourself from certain dangers the storm may bring. Then when the storm dies down, that's when it's safe.

That's why I really try my best to please my mom. Of course when I've done something wrong or if I need something I smile here and there and I also try to do something really nice. haha. Yes, I'm that obvious. lol!

But even through all the constant rants and nags I thank my mother for that. After all that's what keeps me from being an insane and out of line child. A very late mother's day blog. haha. Anyway thanks mom. I love you :)

Father's day is just around the corner. Still thinking about a gift.

Random Rants

2009-06-13T01:13:00.001+08:00

Every night before I sleep. I have these constant thought running through my mind. Well, it's practically a routine for me. I think for about an hour. No matter how hard I try to stop, they still keep on going.

Counting doesn't seem to help even thinking of a white room to make me relax just makes me think even more. This makes me feel all miserable and tired. Leaving me with saggy eyes and I get to wake up pretty late.

Which is a total drag considering that my first day of colleges is in 3 days. I have to wake up at 5 because of the 40 minute travel time from my house to school. I've gotten so used to my 2 month regimen of waking up at exactly 5 mins before 10. Eating brunch, going on the computer for the rest of the day or sleeping for the remaining hours.

Yes, my life is boring. It's only boring here when it comes to the house since I don't do anything here. That's why I always schedule a gimmick with my friends at least once a week. Just to keep me sane and as to keep my social life from going kaput.

Have to admit I'm really going to miss my friends from high school. Since we're all going our separate ways, attending different colleges and all. It's scary yet exciting. But new adventures and friends await us in the days to come.

Gusto Ko Lamang Sa Buhay....(First Tagalog Blog)

2009-06-10T21:35:00.000+08:00

Simula ng tinatanong ako nung 2nd or 3rd year ng high school kung ano yung ambisyon ko sa buhay, parang wala akong masagot, kundi "Uhm. ewan ko po.". Parang minsan ang sarap ngang sabihin "Wala pa kong plano, ikaw ba may plano nung ganitong taon ka?!". Oo na, ang sungit ng dating. Pero nakakairita lang kasi kung parating tinatanong yun sayo. Parang papatong patong yung bigat ng pressure na dala mo.

Hanggang ngayon parang pakiramdam ko wala pa din akong direksyon sa buhay. Nung bata ako gusto ko maging doctor. Para makatulong sa mga may sakit. Pero nung medyo dumevelop na yung brain cells ko parang nung nakakita na ko ng mga malalaking sugat sa ibang tao parang nandidiri ako ng di ko makayanan. Kaya hindi ko na lang naisipan maging doctor ulit.

Habang palaki ako nang palaki. Dumaan naman sa isip ko yung pagiging astronaut. Ambisyoso ako non. Mahilig mag feeling. Pero mabilis din yung naglaho kasi sa US lang yung mga magandang aeronautics na eskwelahan. Nangarap pa naman ako makapag talon sa outer space. Inaamin ko, feeling akong bata. Lahat naman tayo feeling dati eh. haha!

Pero simula nung gumagawa na ko ng mga tula at mga storya nung mga late grade school, nakakatanggap na ko ng mga sabi mula sa mga teacher at mga kaklase na magaling akong magsulat. Kaya napag isipan kong maging writer o journalist. Kung ano man yung mas bagay sa kin.

Yung gusto ko lang naman ngayon sa buhay ay makapag sulat nang makapag sulat. Don naman kasi ako nakakapaglabas ng damdamin eh. Tsaka dito mas naiintindihan ng mga tao kung ano yung mga gusto kong sabihin. Parang wala nang pasikot sikot. Basta andon na yung punto ko sa mga pinagsusulat ko. Malay ko ba kung ano yung mararating ko sa pag asam na toh. May tatanggap nga ba sa kin?. Ano nga ba yung magagawa ko sa pagsusulat lamang?. May mahahantungan nga ba ako sa mga pinagsusulat ko?. Hmm. Siguro maghihintay na lang muna ako at titignan ko kung san ako madadala nitong gusto ko.

Nothing Is Ever Set In Stone

2009-06-07T10:17:00.000+08:00

Summer's about to come to it's close. To be honest, I am soooo not ready to say goodbye to summer. Well no one is. Not unless you're that psyched up for school. To tell you now, I'm have half-half feelings regarding school. Most especially now that I'm an incoming college freshie.

First I want to go to school because finally I have something to do, after 2 months of lounging around. haha. Basically the reasons that I'm excited and nervous are all the same. I'm mostly nervous because I haven't made any new friends in UST and that makes me hella scared. Even though my friends constantly remind me that I'm friendly and that I can make friends easily. I'm still not calmed down by their words of wisdom and comfort.

It's the 1sy day of kindergarten all over again. Almost everything is new. Except for our sheer enthusiasm to learn. Yay?. haha. I'm just going to have to suck it up. Hell I'm not going to be a wuss most especially now that I'm going into college.

Alot of things are going through my mind right now. Constant running of thoughts, of people, of things, of events, etc. I don't know why but when someone close to me is sad I suddenly empathize with them. I have no idea why. Like when I was a little girl if my sister would cry, my eyes would suddenly get all teary. Maybe I really don't have a heart of stone. haha. Well Nadine and Jean know about how I'm feeling. They were the ones who I was talking to about the thing last night or this morning.

Everything that happens comes as such a surprise. We feel that we've braced ourselves for the worst, but when it comes it turns out we're not as ready as we thought we were. Nothing is permanent. Not unless you're that dedicated to make it set in stone and not let anything or anyone get in your way to ruin it.

The Rain and The Virus are Starting to Get Me

2009-06-05T16:55:00.000+08:00

It's been raining like crazy for the past week now. I'm not really a big fan of it as to say. During my elementary and high school days I used to be so ecstatic when they'd say that classes on all levels would be suspended. Cause that would mean a day of rest and nothing to do.

Well now that I'm about to start college in UST. I officially hate the rain. haha. Everyone knows that when it rains like crazy, it causes a crazy flood over at Espana. It's almost like an extension of the Ganges river. haha. Yes I am going overboard again. But my tita who studies there told me that when the rain dies down the "river" resceeds. So goodluck to everyone when the rainy season comes. Well the rainy season has already come. sooooo

Anyway, the opening of classes in UST have been moved to the 15th. Mainly due to the a(h1n1) virus reaching DLSU. To be honest it even freaks me out. My mom's office is being really really precautionary about the whole outbreak. This whole epidemic is practially driving eveyone insane. I'm so scared about it I was even thinking about not going out for almost a whole week. But hell, I know that's not going to stop the outbreak. That's why frok now on I'm going to bring hand sanitizer or alcohol anywhere I go. Yes, I may sound paranoid. Well I'd rather be safe than sorry. I'm getting all O.C once again. This is all just crazy if you ask me.

Simple Kind of Life

2009-06-03T16:57:00.000+08:00

Just came home from HSS. Yes, as in Holy Spirit School. Met up with Rosa and Frances. Then Lulu and Vance followed. We went there to chat with old teachers and to just reminisce before our school starts. Well the QCumbers were all supposed to come but we were short of 3. So that was disappointing. But we still had a great time though.

Well to get home I had to commute yet again. But the rain got even stronger. When it died down a bit then did Vance and I walk to the LRT station. Even though I was wearing my black chucks they got wet. Hell even my socks get wet. I was covered all over and I even had an umbrella. But I still got pretty wet.

So then it went to my mind that this is what I need to prepare for next week if ever. The rain would proabably get worse and the streets would be flooded. Then right now, all I want to do is rest and have some really good dinner. haha. Hopefully they cooked something real yummy. I don't want to think about any thing that would worry me for the moment. I guess I really do know that I just have a few days of rest before starting on a new adventure. Yeeeeee. Scaaaarrryy. haha!

Just Let Go And Breath:)

2009-05-27T14:20:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt so out of touch with someone whom you've know for almost your whole life. It sounds crazy, but even the closest person to you could seem as a total stranger to you in so many ways. Knowing someone is not enough, you have to understand them and feel for them to truly be in touch with them. That's just how life is. It complicates things that are already complicated to begin with.

Often we force things to happen according to our will. But, life never works like that. We feel that we can tell things from the other. Sometimes we can and sometimes we can't. Just the thought of not being able to take control of things drives us crazy.

After all, that's what most of us want, control. For without control, we won't be able to have things to our advantage. Without it, we're forced to let go and wait. To wait for an outcome and to watch without having to do anything to our grasp.

In some cases, we should just let go. Losing control doesn't necessarily mean that you have nothing left. It just means that you need to jump back to reality. Just take a deep breath and relax.

Remember, it's not the end of the world if you don't have the world in your tiny little grasp. I know how random my thoughts may be, but this is part of me letting go. You should try it to.:)

From Kiddies To Teens

2009-05-25T15:36:00.000+08:00

After barely even a week of posting my last week, I have found some old pictures of Miggy, Ted, Therese and I, waaaay back when we were kiddies. haha. Hopefully they won't try to kill me once they see this blog. Sorry guys but I love you. haha!. After all blood is thicker than waterXP

First imma start out with my little sister. Since she's the youngest in the group. So I'll be posting 2 pics of each of us. One was when we were little, the 2nd one would be a present pic. So here it goes.:

Then next is Ted. I found it really hard to find a pic of him in our albums, because he was always with someone. Hopefully this pic is ok. Don't get mad at me ah. Ang cute mo naman eh:)))))))))))))))

Next would be me. I had curly hair, just like my mom's, when I was little. I didn't know what happened though. As I grew up my hair became straighter. haha. Weird.

Then last but never the least. Is Miggy. Monster si Miggy dati and he still is one now. haha!. kidding!(I think)

Boys Are Better When They've Grown Up:))

2009-05-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

There are many things in this world that I don't understand. Well, one of those many things is the relationship between boys and video games. lol!. Why the hell am I making a blog about this, I don't know either. I just find it hard to figure out.

I feel so weird right now. Haha. Because I'm making a blog about this. I just honestly don't get what it is with boys and video games. When my guy cousins and I were little kids and we would hang out at my cousin Ted's place, Miggy and Ted would pay more attention to the TV screen and the play station config that was attached to it. haha!. Anyway that was back then. Now they talk to us more. We text each other and comment on fb and multiply. At least now we actually talk.

Back when we were kids we would play together. But it would always be boys against girls. So it would be and my sister against Ted and Miggy. Of course unfair advantage and boys kasi what we played were "baril-barilan" or the fight in who would reign supreme in the wrestling match on the PS. But when my sister and I would cry because of them, and our uncle's and aunt's would see us, ofcourse we'd hold the belt in that division. haha!

Now we're all grown up. Ted and Therese are in high school, while Miggy and I are incoming college freshmen. We get along better now, which is good. Hopefully that all goes a looong way. haha

I'll try to find a matino picture of us four from our totoy and nene days:))

Life Is Still So Fragile

2009-05-19T20:50:00.000+08:00

Life is short. This is what I learn when someone I know has passed away. Never would you think that someone would be taken by the Lord so fast. Sometimes it comes so unexpectedly. So it comes as a real shock that you try to make sure that it had actually happened and that it wasn't some nightmare. But then, it most cases we expect it, we expect it so much that when it happens, some of us go all numb inside that we don't tend to show our real emotions, not until we're all alone.

I really do believe that every day should be lived to the fullest. For if we regret one day. We could try and make up for it the next day. It's not exactly the end of the world when you lose at something. You could always work on it over and over again.

Dreaming is what gets us through this life. That's where most of our expectations start. But if we do something to achieve those dreams. Then it'll really work out for us. It's not enough to dream. If we really do want that dream then we should do something to make it come true.

What I'm trying to say is live everyday as if it were your last. And from now on never live life with regrets. Well, if you do have regrets then turn them around or just make them work out for you not to have regrets anymore. Life is this trip that is worth taking if you make it an unforgettable trip.

David Cook - Avalanche.mp3

get more free mp3 & video codes at www.musik-live.net

I'm A Mess Without Technology

2009-05-18T20:55:00.000+08:00

Just awhile ago when my parents arrived home my dad told me that he texted me and that I didn't reply. I told him that I was taking a bath when he texted which was why I wasn't able to reply. He then told me that he was surprised to find me not replying to his texts because he thinks that it's impossible for me not to reply to texts. Well hell, my dad's right. I rely on my cellphone 24/7. I only leave my phone at home when I'm going to short trips to the supermarket, to the salon or when I'm going to church. But, anything other than those occasions I bring my phone with me constantly.

Just like any other teenager in this century I am inseparable from technology. It's one of the things that make me live. Hey!. Don't say I'm going overboard here but alot of people there are like me. Well, I look at my phone almost every 5 minutes to check for messages that any ogf my friends have sent me. I also go online almost like 2-3 times a day if I'm at home the whole day. I go constantly online because ofcourse there is nothing much to do here aside from the occasional phone calls from my friends, watching tv and stuffing myself with the food in the kitchen.

Let's be honest with ourselves. Without technology we would so be living hard today. Connecting with friends through cans connected with string is so old fashioned. I would have to agree to Gino Quillamor's blog about technology. Here's the link btw http://geekygangster.blogspot.com/

Me - cellphone= bored/wondering/insane Patsy. Yes I just referred to myself as a third person. It's true that I find it hard to live without a phone. Even if I don't have load I still want my phone by me at all times. It's really weird of me but true.

I need to go on a techno hiatus. haha!. I'll find a day to just relax and let go of technology for awhile. But I will go back to it though:))

My First Ever Post On Youtube And I Blew It:))

2009-05-17T17:53:00.000+08:00

So today was the first time I have ever posted a video on youtube. I am more scared than proud of myself. haha. I'm proud that I actually got the guts to post a video. I've had an account on youtube ever since 2006. The purpose for it to me was to just comment and subscribe to my youtube idols.

Then during summer this year I just thought of posting videos. The videos are going to be me singing. Luisa and I are planning to post videos of us just voicing out our thoughts. So we're gonna video blog or vlog or whatever the term may be. Luisa and I love speaking out. haha. So watch out for that. I'll also be blogging about it here on blogspot and on multiply.

Anyway here's the video that I posted on youtube. I blew the end part. It was really high. Very out of my voice range. Anyway tell me what you think about it.:)

Back2Me

2009-05-13T22:19:00.000+08:00

Being in love is not always a choice, sometimes it just happens. Which for me, really is one of the most scary and unpredictable part of life. Having the feeling of love may take you to as high as the heavens. But it could also bring you to incomprehensible depths that you've never thought you'd reach.

I can honestly say that I've been in both of those situations. Having loved someone as more than a friend. Thinking of him has always made me wonder of what could be. How it would feel to hold his hand, to actually go out on a date with him and to even kiss him. I know it may seem weird. I bet you're thinking that I got into a relationship with a guy who I don't even know or haven't even met in the first place. Well, let me tell you now that that thought's wrong. I know how to love and when I fell in love with him, I knew in my heart that there was something with him that me feel all special inside and out. Don't be quick to judge. After all you may not know me that well.

The reason why I wonder is because, he left when we were still together. Now don't jump into conclusions and say that he left without telling me. Well he did tell me and we both never thought that he was leaving for good. But then, that unfortunate surprise hit us like thunder. He was not to come back. In spite of that we still stayed together. I don't know why I agreed. But I guess that's what my mind and my heart told me. I was scared but still certain at the same time.

That's what love is, it makes you feel all kinds of feelings. It could make you all loony at one point and sane in another point. It's this trip that most people think they know what they're in for, but truth is they're not. So expect the unexpected.

Now, he and I aren't together anymore. I thought that I could forget him. It's been so long and still, I'm not certain if that love hasn't changed. I think the feelings are coming back. But I really can't say for sure.

Even through all the pain he's caused me, I don't know why I even concentrate on all the joy he's brought me. Maybe it's because I believed in the saying that "All the happy memories over weigh all the bad ones". That was just who I am. No matter what others said to me I still had the heart and mind to forgive. I forgive out of love.

I may sound all mushy now, but hell, that's who I am. This is how I let out my thoughts. Leaving them for everyone to see. Because every word makes me let go and feel more free of the thoughts that hold me back.

Right now, I feel more confused and I really want things to be all straightened out. What I think I have to do now is wait, because time is most precious right now. And as I wait for time to pass by, I'll certainly think more of what I feel. Hopefully I can get it all out of my system.

Are You One Of Them?

2009-05-12T20:57:00.001+08:00

Hey! finally, the 21 Q-Cumbers have decided to reveal the codenames we made up for some incongruous reasons...

oh yeah! i know you hate/annoy ‘em, but it's only life though,

you are who you are. you make your own life stories. the world oblivious of how you deny that we're sooo observant! :))

friends, and foes.. here it goes..

• bear1
• bear2
• durian
• rambutan
• betty
• armando
• venus
• mars
• langgams na pumapapak sa Chocnut
• snow white
• frosty
• dwarfs- lagging kasama ni snow white
• strawberry
• district 1 & 2
• kulto- katakot kasma
• boom boom- may twin siya..
• Douglas-
• Bodyguard- effective na bouncer!
• Vice
• BTS
• Chenelyn
• BRO.
• Popoy the 2nd
• Best friend ni Patsy
• Chokie!
• Mga Pagong
• Asshoole
• C.P. (lovelife ni popoy)
• Aircon
• Tentay
• Manila
• Racket
• Sabon
• Boy barako
• Boy tira
• Basilio
• Isagani
• Madam

Starstruck(My Outfit Isn't That Scandalous)

2009-05-11T19:25:00.000+08:00

Yesterday it just felt really weird. Because I swear I could honestly feel the heavy stares of people on me. Mostly it was girls. They'd start looking at my feet then at my face. After lunch kasi we went to cubao. First we went to sm then we went to gateway.

Well there would even be some girls, though they've passed me na they'd still look at my back. The looks are that heavy. I guess they were thinking that I wasn't wearing anything under outfit other that underwear. haha!. After some adults would look at my outfit, next they'd look at my mom. It was as if they were giving her the message "How could you let your daughter wear something like that?". I thought my outfit my fine. haha. I was happy with it. It felt really hot kasi to wear jeans underneath it. So I wore shorts. Hindi lang talaga halata shorts ko. Sometimes nga I would even like to look at those girls staring at me and shout out loud "Oh!. May shorts ako noh!" and then lift up my blouse while shouting it. haha. I know it's a really weird thought. But, hell, na consious ako eh. My mom just kept on telling me that "Maganda yung legs mo, mga inggit lang yung mga yun". Medyo na lift naman yung spirits ko non. haha. Anyway below is a pic of my outfit. Just to show that it wasn't that revealing. haha. Justification lang. Oo na, pacute ako sa picture:))

Beautiful Dirty Rich

2009-04-26T21:03:00.000+08:00

I really need to control my spending habits. Well, last week when Lulu and I went to greenhills, we basically went shopping I already spent 400 that time on some cute shoes that were on sale on a stall we saw in greenhills which was entitled ichigo. Below are the pictures:
Then this today, I went out to greenhills again with Lulu and this time with Jean. Damn, we passed by the ichigo stall over at theatre mall, and well I couldn't resist. I bought the heels that I was eyeing on on their website. They were effing cute kasi eh. I do it in the name of fashion. haha! I couldn't resist. They were 800 pesos.:

So now, I've spent a total of 1,200 on shoes alone. My gosh, I really need to control my spending habits. I need to learn to save better since I'm gonna start college soon. If I don't learn how to spend wisely I'm going to have money problems. That's why I pray that I learn not to spend too much. Or else.........

But hell, aren't the shoes hella cute?. haha!

Stop and Stare

2009-04-24T21:32:00.000+08:00

Lyrics | OneRepublic Lyrics | Stop & Stare Lyrics

OneRepublic - Stop & Stare - OneRepublic

For some people who are clearly updated with music, you must be familiar with lyrics of the song above. For those who aren't, it's "Stop and Stare" by One Republic. Listen to it if you're not sure about the song. I'm not necessarily sure about what kind of meaning the writer is trying to send out to the listeners. But in my opinion, I think what he/she is trying to say is that, we often compare ourselves to others. Especially when they have things that we want. It brings out the worst in us, aka our inner-demon. We often think that "I'm just getting even, there's nothing bad about that right?". Well, we may actually be wrong on so many levels.

The question of what's right and wrong comes into mind. Sometimes, getting even is not exactly the best answer to our problems. And even our way of getting things all fair is not really good and well. Right when our conscience tells us to stop, we just go on, as if we're no human being, like a villain with a heart of stone.

I'll admit that I've done things that I'm not exactly proud of, regarding the "getting even" issue. I regret that. I can never really be sure if I can take them back though.

*credits to my friend Mica for the idea of adding songs to blogs. ILY bitch:)